Amazing few dates real connection but what on earth happened?

[missmarple]

Anyway it's all over now, the guy sent me a text to say he never had intentions to waste my time, had a great time with me but feels it wouldn't be of benefit for us to see each other again and wished me all the best. Bit gutted but guess its a good thing it ended.

 

I'm sorry but yes, it's for the best. At least he stopped it before you fell for him.

[savignon]

Oh, I completely misread "I want to raise my kids in another country" to mean you already had them...sorry about that and the tangent about single moms!! Ooops.

Anyways, best he switched from "amazing connection/never met anyone like you" to "no thanks" in short order as it makes it clear his intention was to get laid and move on. Good on you for holding back on that until knowing what his intentions were---now you know.

Don't be gutted....he's a game player and he lost. Him- 0 You- 1

[catfeeder]

I can't get past why someone would use a hookup site to meet a woman for anything but a hookup? The idea of planning to meet 'females' for any other reason makes no sense, especially if he was at all truthful about his plans of moving away.

 

Too many in-congruencies.

 

So, a hookup he pursued. He believed he'd find his way around your pseudo-reserve with some charm and a pinch of fantasy in a couple of dates.

 

Sorry, but I hope you'll consider using more reliable sources for meeting men. Use a paid site--there are all kinds, and the money is worth the investment in a bit of screening.

 

Head high.

[CeeLambrini]

This was all about getting you to have sex with him, wow, trust me. Even with all the rose tinted effects of the OP I saw it right there. I won't go into each and every time I read a line and went "Uhuh, yep, sure" because it's all been covered pretty much - but take this one for example.

You didn't want to have sex. Men like him aren't stupid, they know women won't have sex easily - they have to put in the effort. The magical dates were there for a reason. The DVD was his idea too - the number one goal is to get her back to her place. DVD is perfect.

His one last attempt to do it was to invite you to the cinema the next day. It sounds like nothing, but he "knows", or he thinks he knows, that the reason a woman won't have sex with him is because she is scared he will bail the next day. Making plans with you would ensure that he would still want to spend time with you the next day.

Trust me, it was "intimate" cuddling for you, a huge frustrating blue ball marathon for him. He spent the night, the morning still looked promising. As soon as you were out of bed, the game was over. The end, goodbye!

[savignon]

Unfortunately, I felt the same way reading it which makes dating kind of depressing sometimes. I've 'been there' in thinking I had this unique, special connection with someone that other people simply didn't understand because- duh- ours was so awesome that no one else had ever been in that situation before in the history of the world... And then.....psssbbbbssstttttt......deflated.

[lavenderdove]

>>The guy is DEFINITELY not married I'm mates with him on Facebook and believe me evidence would have been there.

 

Not necessarily true... cheaters can keep two FB accounts just like they can keep 2 cell phones. The guy I knew who was married and pretending to be single had a 'clean' FB page, dual cell phones, multiple email accounts etc. with no mention whatsoever of wife and only had photos of himself doing various activities that did not include his family on that FB account.

 

One reason you have to be careful online is that people can invent fictional personas and there are many married/taken people online trolling for casual hookups to spice up their lives. So you definitely want to avoid any sites that are specifically trolling for 'casual' situations because cheaters will flock to those because they only want casual hookups that don't interfere with or uncover their family life.

 

This guy may well have been single, but regardless he instantly started to backpeddle when it became clear you weren't giving up the goods quickly and with no strings attached. So focus on regular dating websites and also do our due diligence to check these guys out and don't trust too quickly or get too excited until you do.

[savignon]

I also that's why coming on sooooooo fast (called "future faking" for the 'baggage reclaim' followers) is a huge red flag. Someone normal and stable wouldn't be so interested in establishing they've "never felt this way before/its a special connection" on date one/two/three. Most men I know are looking for signs of bunny boilers for awhile before they'd declare such things. They try to establish a really intimate feeling right away so they can get what they want and be on their way. Things to look out for!

We've all been there....that's how we got here! ;-)