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Dating vs being alone?


Amp33

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About a month ago I had decided to delete my online dating profile. I figured since it wasn't going anywhere and it was making me less than happy that I would just get rid of it. Well the month actually went pretty well! I was happy, goofy, and started to care less of what people thought of me. Be it a coincidence or not that it was around the same time after I deleted the profile.. Well I just thought to myself the other day, hey maybe I should log back in and check out the new guys, see if there's anyone who sparks my interest.. And i've found that after doing this for a few days, I've again become... sad? Unsatisfied with myself? I don't even know how to explain it.. Does anyone know why this would happen? I feel like i've been on top of the world the last week and then as soon as I start talking to men again I get completely bummed out on life..

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Yeah, online dating can be a tough go. You said that you became unsatisfied with yourself when you reactivated your profile, but are you sure you're just not satisfied with the dating prospects online?

 

I think I would find myself bummed out when I didn't find any online dating prospects that piqued my interest. I began to question whether I should be more flexible with my standards/expectations of what I'm looking for in a partner. However, I've come to conclude, that with a little more online dating experience, that the highs and lows come in waves. Meaning, sometimes things are quiet on the online dating front, then all of a sudden, I find that a wave of dating prospects hit me all at once (to a point where I'm questioning whether I have the time to communicate with them all at once).

 

I think you have to be patient when it comes to online dating. I think it's worth a shot, because you never know who you'll meet. I remember having almost given up at one point, and then all of a sudden, I met this guy who was the entire package (well, almost). He was pretty much perfect in every way, however he couldn't see himself living in the big city and wanted to restrict himself to small town living (which I couldn't do), and he was looking to marry and settle down asap. It just wasn't meant to be. But, he was worth the wait! He restored my hope in online dating.

 

All the best in your online dating adventures, Amp33!

 

I'm sure things will get better.

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I do/did the online dating. Had sooo much fun for over 2+ years. I was getting laid all the time, out with different people all the time, then it all came to a complete stop. Nothing. Seems like a year ago there wasn't anymore good matches or it was just the same people that live on there but never speak. Anway I got tired of it also and a few months ago deleted everything which is why I am typing this on a Saturday night. I signed back up for it but with no pic and sure enough its the same people. I am still hoping on something from the days before my time of bumping into someone at the grocery store by accident.

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It sounds to me like you're placing too much importance on those online guys, to the point that it affects your mood.

It had happened to a good friend of mine, too, who recently decided to reactivate her profile (she hasn't yet). We were talking about it the other day and she was saying she doesn't expect anything good to come out of it and she starts off already disappointed.

I told her the same thing I'm telling you now: that online dating is to be used as a means of meeting people. Some of them will be boring, some unpleasant, some you'll like but won't like you back or vice versa, some may become your friends. And, maybe, if you're lucky, you'll meet someone who ticks all your boxes. But that shouldn't be your main goal. If it is your main goal, it makes sense that when you interact with guys you're not interested in, you become sad and feel unsatisfied.

One thing you can do is absolutely refuse to waste time on men you don't like or you may like but they can't communicate properly. Aim for people who make you feel better about yourself...and even if nothing romantic happens, you won't end the conversation feeling bad about yourself.

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AMP33, I can totally relate! I had put myself on match, EH and OKC all at the same time. For the first week or so it was fun and then it became a little depressing for reasons I won't list because I know you know!! About 2 weeks ago my membership to match ended, I quit OKC and never really bothered with EH since the people I was matched with lived 2 states away..... Since not being on it, I've found that my mood and general outlook towards dating has become *more* positive which I, like you, find to be a little odd. I have no way of meeting anyone and no idea how, when or where it could possibly happen and yet I'm a little happier and a little more positive.

That doesn't really explain anything but at least you know someone else is on the same exact page as you!!

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Glad you gave yourself the opportunity to notice this. Jumping off the misery-go-round can redirect your focus toward building a stronger foundation.

 

Exploring your talents and interests leads to resilience and solidity, which drive better decisions from a wider range of choices.

 

We form new habits and enjoy outcomes we couldn't have predicted. We cultivate private successes that feed optimism and security--and we build a whole new platform from which to attempt dating.

 

Sticking your toe into the waters is a reasonable way to test your readiness. When you ARE ready, your resiliency won't personalize the dating pool or the slings and arrows that go with it.

 

When it's a groaner, skip it. Misery attracts misery, happiness attracts happiness. Keep building a great platform, and you'll decide as you go along whether to fish from it or to keep building other things.

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