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Guy coming on way too strong, and we've not even met in person yet!?


Ferula

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Ok first off, if this is in the wrong subforum, then I apologise. I'm on mobile and can't really browse as well as I'd like to. If its in the wrong place, admins please shift it to the right one.

 

Now that that's out of the way... Where do I even start? I met a guy today through a random penpal matchup app, and we exchanged numbers because it was easier than using the app to communicate. Out of sheer coincidence the guy is a student in my city, despite the fact that this app can send your "message in a bottle" to anyone in the world.

 

We chatted, agreed to meet up early next week (he's a foreign student and I figured it'd be nice for him to have a local buddy and for me to see the city through a tourist's eyes, so to speak) and exchanged pictures so we'd recognise each other when we meet up. He's cute, and we flirted a bit. He obviously likes me, but therein lies the problem. While he is very cute and I am casually looking for a relationship, he is coming on way, way too strong given the time we've "known" each other and the fact that we've not even met face to face yet.

At first it was cute little things like "wow, you're very beautiful" after I sent him my photo, which is fine and sweet. I also told him he was cute, but after a little while it got strange. I don't know how far this could be attributed to the language barrier, since his first language is Korean, or maybe a cultural difference, but I'm not really sure how to proceed from here.

 

One of the things he said was that he was "so glad to have met you, you're perfect and you make me want to be a better man" (paraphrased), and that throws up a lot of red flags for me. I've been in an abusive relationship in the past, so I might be over thinking it, and he really doesn't seem like the type (from what little I know of him, of course) to abuse someone, but it does sound a bit like something a commitmentphobe might say. At the very least, it's a bit much to say to someone you've been speaking to for a day and haven't even officially met yet, surely?

 

I kind of get the feeling he's less enamoured with me and more in love with the idea of "An English Girlfriend", if that makes any sense?

 

As I said, he's cute, and I like him about as much as anyone could like a guy they barely know and haven't met in person, but I'm not quite sure how I can slow him down here and put this whole thing on my terms. If I were to date him, I'd need to know he saw me as a person, as me, and not just as a pretty white girl, and that's not going to happen at all if he can't back off a bit while we get to know each other.

 

How can I tell him I'm not in any rush to date someone I barely know without hurting his feelings or seeming distant?

Also, am I over thinking this considering the possible language/culture barrier?

Or should I just run like the wind?

I have absolutely no clue what to do here.

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I kind of get the feeling he's less enamoured with me and more in love with the idea of "An English Girlfriend", if that makes any sense?

That's what I was thinking.

 

He is making you feel uncomfortable, that is it. Culture and language barriers shouldn't come into it, if you are feeling weird about this guy after only knowing him 2 minutes, then I can promise it isn't going to get much better.

Going after a guy who you don't feel compatible with just because "he's cute" is probably just as bad as him going after you just because "you're white".

From what I read in your OP, the penpal site isn't actually a dating site, it is what you described. So for this guy to immediately take things into romantic land after you've barely spoken I'd say was pretty inappropriate.

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He is making you feel uncomfortable, that is it. Culture and language barriers shouldn't come into it, if you are feeling weird about this guy after only knowing him 2 minutes, then I can promise it isn't going to get much better.

Going after a guy who you don't feel compatible with just because "he's cute" is probably just as bad as him going after you just because "you're white".

From what I read in your OP, the penpal site isn't actually a dating site, it is what you described. So for this guy to immediately take things into romantic land after you've barely spoken I'd say was pretty inappropriate.

 

It's not so much that I'd go after him for the simple fact that he's cute. There are plenty of cute guys out there, and plenty more that are just downright decent guys, it's more that I kind of want to make sure I'm not being unfair on the guy?

I dunno, sometimes I can think the worst of people (bad experiences), so I'm always second-guessing my gut instincts haha

That, and I hate to just cut people off without giving them a chance, it seems unfair somehow.

 

And yeah, it's a cute little app where you write a short message and it sends it to a random person somewhere in the world. Nothing romantic at all, although obviously different people use it for different things.

I'm not so much bothered by the fact that he took it there, more the... Intensity with which he did it.

 

Thanks for your reply!

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