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I screwed up twice...can I get her back


rocketman0810

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We are both in our mid 40's and had been dating for about four months and everything was going great between us and I suddenly withdrew and ended things between us. My dad had passed away about a month and a half before that which was very hard on me as it was the first time in my life I had to deal with something like that. She (GF) was very supportive and was there for me, and this is something I was not used to as my ex wife was not like that. I was used to dealing with problems on my own which I thought might have been why I shut her out.

 

I knew pretty soon after that I had made a mistake...but deep down did not know why. I contacted her about two months later and we reconnected and dated for about two months and things were great again, but once again I shut down and ended things. It really bothered me because I had no idea why I did this. I decided maybe it was time to see a therapist so I did that. I have been going to counseling for about a month now and it has really helped. I have learned a lot about myself and realized I had some unresolved issues from my marriage/divorce that ended three years before. I had kept it all in and never gotten it off of my chest.

 

It has been about two months since we broke up and for the last month I have been really wanting to get back together her. But the last thing in the world I want to do is put her through that again. I feel completely different this time, much more emotion involved. I know I am still a work in progress but I am aware of my issues and the counseling has really seemed to help and also makes it much easier to open up.

 

I contacted her a few days ago and we exchanged a few emails. I explained to her that I was seeing a therapist and working through my issues. She told me that at this time she cannot let herself go there again...at least not now. She did mention several times during the few emails we exchanged that I would probably hear from her but she needed some time. In the last email I told her I was in love with her and this is something I have not told anyone ever with the exception of my ex. She feels the same way.

 

My plan is to leave her alone and have NC for about a month unless I hear from her in the meantime. Then I would contact her and just see how things are going.

 

Any suggestions? I understand 100% that she is afraid and I would be as well. I realize that she might be the best thing that happened to me and I screwed it up twice. I did the same thing with my ex wife when were dating and then the third time we ended up married for 20 years.

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Suggestions? Leave the girl alone. You're not ready for a commitment. You probably made little no zero progress so far.

 

Stop hurting this woman. Let her go. Let her find someone who will truly appreciate her and give her the love she deserve.

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I knew pretty soon after that I had made a mistake...but deep down did not know why. I contacted her about two months later and we reconnected and dated for about two months and things were great again, but once again I shut down and ended things. It really bothered me because I had no idea why I did this. I decided maybe it was time to see a therapist so I did that. I have been going to counseling for about a month now and it has really helped. I have learned a lot about myself and realized I had some unresolved issues from my marriage/divorce that ended three years before. I had kept it all in and never gotten it off of my chest.
\

 

Something tells me this isn't really what's going on with you.

 

If the reason you dumped this woman was because of your divorce.... WHAT was your reason when you did this to your ex-wife? You say you did the same thing to HER twice as well before you married her.

 

If I was this woman, and you came to me with this weak explanation, I wouldn't believe you either. Your level of insight leaves much to be desired.

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I don't think the reason that my ex and I broke up twice 25 years ago had anything to do with this and I probably should not have even mentioned that...and I never mentioned that to her (the GF). And I honestly don't remember why I broke up 25 years ago. I was in my early 20's at the time and at that time it was all new to me. We have not discussed why we broke up this time. I have learned through therapy (and I already knew this to an extent) that my ex was FAR from supportive so anytime I had to go through anything I was forced to go through it alone which caused me to withdraw. When my father passed away last year that was the hardest thing I ever went through in my life, and the new GF was very supportive and was there through all of this with me. I automatically withdrew into myself at this time because this is all I really knew how to do. I never had the option of having someone to lean on. I know when we got back together I was not ready and needed to talk to someone to work these issues out. In hindsight I know I should have started therapy before trying to reconcile. That much I have discussed with the GF.

 

I believe she is open to reconciliation but not until she is certain that I have made progress. It may take a few months, I am not sure. I have learned to open up and also understand that it is okay to lean on someone when I need it. I am a very giving person and have always been the one that is there for people to lean on.

 

I apologize for probably not posting enough detail...this is the first time in my life I have posted anything like this on a forum.

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