Is it time to let him go

[dstar]

Hey everyone.

I really need some neutral advice as I'm so miserable with this situation.For the past year and 2 months I've been dating a guy who separated from his wife a year before he met and started dating me. I specifically asked him before we started seeing each other if he was over her and ready to move on and he told be yes he just wanted to get on with the divorce and his life. They had no children together. However, about 4 months into the relationship I admit I saw red flags, ie they were contacting, meeting texting and I was asked not to put anything of us on FB as it meant she gave him a really hard time over it. Looking back I probably should have walked away but when we were together everything was so good and I so in love with him like no one before. Anyway to cut a long story short, 1 year and 2 months later the final straw came when he told me he was going on a works party, only to find out the next day that he had been out with his ex and a few friends. I told him I've had enough as I feel like a complete dogs body and can't carry on with the amount of contact they have. He insists he doesn't want her back and I believe that as he had instigated the divorce, he insists he doesn't love her also. She is constantly jealous if we go away anywhere she gives him grief but I don't think he can let go of contact with her. He says he is worried sick about cutting contact with her but will not give me a reason why he's worried , and I mean worried to the extreme. I love him so much but cannot carry on living in her shadow or continue to ignore the warning signs. He has said he will cut contact with her if it means we can stay together but he's said this before and not done it. It's such a mess, I've given him a week to cut contact with her which he has said he will do but but I have serious doubt about him doing it. I've tried so hard to support him but he doesn't seem to realise why this is so hard for me at all. Should I just walk away as much as I love him my instincts are screaming at me.

[SpottiOtti]

I'm so miserable with this situation

 

A relationship should not make you miserable. Matters of the heart don't have to completely contradict common sense, you know.

 

they were contacting, meeting texting and I was asked not to put anything of us on FB

 

Come on. This is unacceptable and you know it. What about you makes you believe it is okay for a man to ask you to hide yourself?

 

he told me he was going on a works party, only to find out the next day that he had been out with his ex and a few friends

 

Also completely unacceptable. He lied to you. What does that tell you about his level of respect for you?

 

She is constantly jealous if we go away anywhere she gives him grief

 

Would a woman behave this way if she wasn't in some sort of relationship with a man?

 

It's time to harden your heart and use your head. This isn't going anywhere. Get out now before you lose all respect for yourself and your self-esteem gets any lower.

[HeartGoesOn]

This is not meant to offend, but separated means one is still married, and IMO not available to be dating or involved with anyone until the divorce is finalized. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you need to put this behind you, and realize you're worth much more than this.

 

All the best...

[sapphyre]

Have you spoken in-depth to him about the way you're feeling? If you have and he still persists in the same vein, I would probably think about just ending it. However, if you haven't, then try to outline exactly what it's doing to you, and, ultimately, that if it continues, you cannot stay with him.

[missmarple]

Tell him to contact you when he has the divorce papers in his pocket. This isn't an ex gf. It's his wife.