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I will try to be quick sorry if this is long.My husband and I have been married 2 years separated for one of them,we fight a lot and one of the things we fight about is his relationship with his mom,he always spent tons of time together and he would run to her when we fought. So we split,his mom moved away. Recently we got back together and were planning on moving back in together,when she moved back and moved back in with him. She does his laundry(hes 33) and cooks for him. Now hes mad because I dont want to get a place with him and his mother! I think living like that would be hell. So now he spends all his time with her and comes over to my house to go to bed (have sex) then leaves and goes home to her in the morning. Spends his days off with her. He sees nothing wrong with this situation. Says Im being rediculous. She is not elderly or bed ridden. Should I just give up? I feel like a surrogate wife. Today I got nothing from my husband but a lame text late at night getting sick of it.

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This is so dysfunctional! You've been married just 2 years and already spent half of that separated!

 

The issue between you has not be resolved. The amount of time he spends with his mom is not appropriate for a married man. It's beyond being a momma'is boy. It's unhealthy attachment. Instead of you (his WIFE) being his partner, he has placed his mom in that role, essentially making you the other woman.

 

Get out now. Can you imagine involving kids in the mix? The situation will only grow WORST. Got ahead and file for divorce. You've been separated long enough. You deserve a full time husband, not some little boy who keeps running back to his mother! Don't settle for the scraps he's willing to give you.

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>>I feel like a surrogate wife.

 

No, you're his surrogate hooker. His Mom is his surrogate wife. Don't put up with this. Time to divorce. He's using you and has serious issues with his mother and frankly this is emotional incest and very unhealthy.

 

The problem is they both probably see this as fine, and don't want to change. They're frankly using you as part of their sick little triangle, and you need to divorce and go look for a normal man. This guy isn't it.

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And I agree that DEFINTELY you shouldn't have kids with him. Sometimes in scenarios like this you'll have a kid, then you'll do battle with him over the kid because he basically wants to raise the child with his mother, and not with you. So could be an ugly custody battle if you do get pregnant while he tries to 'claim' that baby for his mother! Seriously, you need to divorce right now before that happens.

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I wouldn't be having sex with him, much less considering children.

 

The world is full of able minded men, and this guy is not one of them.

 

The problem with trying to 'win' this man's attention is that every small gain lands you nothing but a longer future of heartbreak over an emotionally stunted man.

 

Don't lock yourself into a competitive position against his mother. Your ego will fix on that habit and keep you stuck, while your youth wastes away.

 

You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

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Thanks so much for all of your responses. I really need some outside perspective because he says "you're crazy" and that im just trying to start drama. I think i'm right to feel this way that this situation is so not normal. I think I can find the strength to let go now.

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So now he spends all his time with her and comes over to my house to go to bed (have sex) then leaves and goes home to her in the morning.

 

I thought this was an interesting sentence because it captures your dynamic. Your house should be his house as well (the marital house) and his mom's place should not be his "home." I think you guys would really benefit from marital counseling, if you are interested in saving things. He needs to stop going home to mom and treat his home with you as his HOME.

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