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How do you cope with betrayal?


tanragagirl

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I think it depends on the situation. Can you elaborate about what happened?

 

was assaulted a year ago and did get a restraining order against the man who assaulted me. As a result a grew distant from Islam and sinned in every possible way. I met a boy named Brian who I thought I loved and thought loved me. I believed he would protect me from everything. little did I know that he would the very reason I would suffer the most. Since I never sought proper treatment for the assault on the anniversary of the assault I woke up and attacked Brian thinking he was my ex boyfriend. Brian recorded me and well called the police. He said he only made a video and called the police so I could seek the psychological help I needed. I believed him despite me being arrested and now having a court case. There was a stay away issued for us not to communicate but he convinced me that nothing would happen. That we could still communicate because he would not tell anyone. Anyways I believed him, you know because I loved him and he loved me why would he ever hurt me right?

Then for months the emotional abuse started. I could never retaliate or even say he was wrong because he would always threaten to show my messages to the police. So I had to remain kind and compliant. Anyways remember I told you how he disappeared for two weeks well yesterday I discovered that it was a set up. He made the police monitor his texts to show that I was contacting him while he refused contact with me. It was really the biggest deceit that I had ever faced. I did not think that he of all people would do something that low

My family warned me for months but I refused to listen, blinded by the fear of being abandoned I believed every lie he fed me.

 

My father had a minor heart attack after hearing this and well I was shunned by my family members. I a considered a disgrace, a failure. I will be honest these past few days I have been contemplating suicide. I had attempted it many times before but for some reason always survive. But no I will not kill myself because there is a biggest purpose for me. I am angry with myself, I am hurt and I am scared with what will happen with the case now. Will I face jail time for my stupidity? I have no idea. They say that they want to see that there is at least a month of no contact between us. If he had not set me up like this well the case would have been wiped out and my record would have been clean by now. I do feel stupid.

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Are you in therapy, hon? If not, you might look into a battered women's shelter or a rape crisis center in your area, or family services; most of those are either free or on a sliding scale, and they specialize in domestic violence and the issues which stem from it. Are you still experiencing nightmares or flashbacks from the trauma?

 

The most important thing for you to do right now is to stay away from this guy and to let yourself begin to heal. Everything else will follow.

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I have been once in a similar situation, when my world was falling apart and nobody was there (no friends and family) but there was this guy who I thought I can trust, well he betrayed me the worst possible way at the end, so I understand what are you going trough and I also know there is a way out from this, and if you are strong you will survive this and get better and you will learn how to take better care of yourself in the future and you will learn how to trust and love again!

First I would see a therapist, you need urgent professional help to put you back on your feet, than you need a good lawyer to protect you in court.

It will be hard as hell, but I promise you will walk out stronger from this, just focus on where you want to be, not where you have been, just fight for yourself! Don t let these bastards ruin your life! Trust me things will get better!!!

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If he had not set me up like this well the case would have been wiped out and my record would have been clean by now. I do feel stupid.

 

If you are suicidal, you have to talk to a therapist a.s.a.p.

 

That being said, you do have to accept that you are responsible for the choices you make in life. You say "if he had not set [you] up" the case would have been resolved, but the fact is that if you had obeyed the no-contact order the case would also have been resolved. So yes, while he may have betrayed your trust, you have to be very careful about your own decisions and who you put your trust in. Just something to think about going forward.

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If you are suicidal, you have to talk to a therapist a.s.a.p.

 

That being said, you do have to accept that you are responsible for the choices you make in life. You say "if he had not set [you] up" the case would have been resolved, but the fact is that if you had obeyed the no-contact order the case would also have been resolved. So yes, while he may have betrayed your trust, you have to be very careful about your own decisions and who you put your trust in. Just something to think about going forward.

 

I was vulnerable, desperate, weak. I was depressed and hurt and needed something to hang on to and so I went against the order and clinged to him because he convinced me he was my medicine. I did make a mistake I was dumb to trust him but what can I say I loved him. After 21 years I lost my virginity to him believing I could trust him. I do hae myself for making the mistake of falling for him. I see his faults now before I was not in the right mind. BELIEVE ME.

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I do hae myself for making the mistake of falling for him.

 

Hating yourself is useless. Learn from the situation and try not to victimize yourself too much, because it will only slow your healing.

 

I also don't think your mistake was trusting him- it was breaking the order. That was a pretty clear-cut situation in which you could have risked going to jail, and you chose to take that risk.

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