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My journ(al/ey)


toby4

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Well i've never done this journalism thing but hopefully some people can relate, today i got some good news about my grandmother who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. The right side does not have cancer! So she's only going to need a single mastectomy and it's scheduled for Tuesday morning! This weekend I'm getting together with some buddies to play cards and I'm genuinely looking forward to it, hopefully it helps keep my mind off of things!

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Tonight i played some cards with friends and i had a really good time, i was happy and did very well 17-1 woot woot! Had a really nice run in the beautiful 70 degree weather and i'm looking forward to church tomorrow! All in all, this weekend is going pretty well

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So i've had a lot of time thinking about how i've always been afraid to become close friends with girls because things tend to get romantic (for me at least), i fall easy and i'm learning to change that. I want to have girls that i consider friends, for some reason i thought either we had to date or we couldn't talk at all... only sith's deal in absolutes and i dont want that!

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Not sure why but today im just super angry, angry at anything and everything. Feeling like some stuff is losing its meaning to me and i can't seem to enjoy my time alone. Pushing through this codependent behavior is rough but im getting there. I look forward to getting past this way of thinking and im hoping tomorrow holds better things for me. Some stuff i need to keep reminding myself through these harder times...

-don't look back with regret

-know i've done all i could to fix things

-know i'm doing all i can to improve

-focus on those who ARE there for me

-love the ones who won't be here much longer

-don't put up with second best

-make sure whoever i date is everything i want

-don't be blinded by the desire to be in a relationship

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I think you need to set some goals for you so that you don't think that much about relationships. Something like concentrating on your college work, planning out your career etc.

 

I think you're right, i dont even understand why i didnt realize this until just now but i literally have 0 goals in life right now... im just kind of going through the motions of work/school. thanks!

 

jeez it's crazy all i plan on doing is just finishing school and getting a job... LAME haha i want more than that from life

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going to get through this semester with good grades and im going to start getting more involved with my community by the end of this month

 

Good first effort --- make it more specific.

 

1. Gonna get a 3.2 GPA (or whatever you want)

2. Gonna join Habitat for Humanity or Big Brothers.....NAME the goal, not the category.

 

It is amazing what specific visualizations will do.

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hmmm more specific, for now i want to keep my gpa above a 3.6 and for volunteer work i need to look into where i can get involved first. Sunday im going to be going to a roots class at my church which basically tells you all the different ways you can get involved in the community so after that ill set a more specific goal for volunteering

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oh goodness had something bad happen at work today... so i was taking out garbage and the dumpster was extremely full and when i lifted the garbage bag to throw it in it tore open and dumped all over me... its actually pretty funny but man it smelt nasty! just took a shower and it's time to go back soon for my second shift haha at least i got a funny story from it! Im not even mad

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Wasnt looking forward to today but this morning i woke up an hour early and went to the floral shop my friend works at and bought 30 roses for only 30$! i went around the school i go to and handed them out to random girls and wished them a happy valentines day... then i went to the teachers offices that i have been a student of so far and gave them all a little box of chocolates, all in all i spent 50$ but it really doesnt even matter! I feel really good about it, and i think i might make a tradition out of this it's crazy what good can come of things as long as your willing to put in the effort!

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Having a weird day, lots of thoughts spinning around in my head...

 

I've been having a lot of thoughts today on idolizing things in our lives but specifically with other people like an ex, yourself, or just other relationships in general. It's like the classic quote goes... "to much of anything isn't good for you", I think it's crazy how interdependent we are as people we always are looking for acceptance from others. It shows me how fragile just in general we really actually are.

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