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They have moved on. Yeah I'm curious what he is up to, I want to see whether he misses me or thinks of me. That's stupid. He chose for me not to be in his life and that's all I need to move. I'm healing and I should not scratch my wound, pick up the scab, whatever you call it. I have the strength I need.

To all the people whose exes have an extensive presence online, I feel for you. This is an ultimate exercise of willpower.

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Sosad, may be you need to change your nickname to sohappy Honestly, you are such a lovely person, you deserve so much better than someone who is ok with you not being in their life. I know how hard it is. Btw, I recommend you a book I'm reading right now - Learned Optimism, it talks about how we must choose to be optimistic and persevere no matter what. I think you are not over it yet, because you are only month NC after 9 months BU. You really deserve better than him. I don't even know your ex but he makes me super angry!

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Sosad, may be you need to change your nickname to sohappy Honestly, you are such a lovely person, you deserve so much better than someone who is ok with you not being in their life. I know how hard it is. Btw, I recommend you a book I'm reading right now - Learned Optimism, it talks about how we must choose to be optimistic and persevere no matter what. I think you are not over it yet, because you are only month NC after 9 months BU. You really deserve better than him. I don't even know your ex but he makes me super angry!

 

Thank you, I just ordered that book.

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Yes, it is... but with the constant flashbacks.. the missing him.. sadness etc, it's been VERY hard to accept n move on for me, this time.

I have maintained a month now.. NC. *sigh*. I really wish things weren't like this and i could get over it.

 

tc

 

Now that you have gone NC, it will get easier. You've taken the first step toward real healing. Good for you!

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What I have a real hard time with is trying to get how this person that once wanted to be with me 24/7 and totally put me on a pedestal and absolutely adored me and loved me, can go to complete indifference in a few months of time. She says she still cares about me, but her actions speak louder than her words: she couldnt care less

 

How is that even possible??

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What I have a real hard time with is trying to get how this person that once wanted to be with me 24/7 and totally put me on a pedestal and absolutely adored me and loved me, can go to complete indifference in a few months of time. She says she still cares about me, but her actions speak louder than her words: she couldnt care less

 

How is that even possible??

 

Deal with your own stuff and then ask yourself if you care whether she misses you. What I do know is that you’re worth a damn sight more than someone who ‘misses’ you – be with someone who wants to put both of their feet in and love you now and who will sort himself because the fear of losing you and being put in the position of having to ‘miss’ you is not one that she’s prepared to realise.

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This is a rather philosophical question but I believe paedophilia and 'killing'-i.e. Psychopatic behaviour are partly genetic and inherent to a person. Its like a character trait that is in them but only comes to surface on some occasions.

 

With losing your feelings I dont get it. And perhaps thats a good thing.

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Yes, it is... but with the constant flashbacks.. the missing him.. sadness etc, it's been VERY hard to accept n move on for me, this time.

I have maintained a month now.. NC. *sigh*. I really wish things weren't like this and i could get over it.

 

tc

 

It's really hard to believe that things can ever go back to place, but they do. I wish you the best.

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This is a rather philosophical question but I believe paedophilia and 'killing'-i.e. Psychopatic behaviour are partly genetic and inherent to a person. Its like a character trait that is in them but only comes to surface on some occasions.

 

With losing your feelings I dont get it. And perhaps thats a good thing.

 

Well losing feelings is too inherent to people. It is such a complex thing. But I doubt her love was strong enough anyway. Love is not putting someone on pedestal, love is not wanting someone 24/7. It is almost like you are describing a child's behaviour who is happy with a new toy. She was simply infatuated with you and couldn't last past the honeymoon phase. Try to see your situation objectively

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Well losing feelings is too inherent to people. It is such a complex thing. But I doubt her love was strong enough anyway. Love is not putting someone on pedestal, love is not wanting someone 24/7. It is almost like you are describing a child's behaviour who is happy with a new toy. She was simply infatuated with you and couldn't last past the honeymoon phase. Try to see your situation objectively

 

You're probably right. As a matter of fact, she just turned 32 but she is so immature.. I mean I'm 25 and I'm not saying I am all grown up, but sometimes it was like having a kid. Also very impulsive. And a lot of highs/lows.. I'm guessing if she doesnt change her view on what love is, she'll never find it. At least no longer than the honeymoon stages.

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You're probably right. As a matter of fact, she just turned 32 but she is so immature.. I mean I'm 25 and I'm not saying I am all grown up, but sometimes it was like having a kid. Also very impulsive. And a lot of highs/lows.. I'm guessing if she doesnt change her view on what love is, she'll never find it. At least no longer than the honeymoon stages.

 

Yup, a lot of people get confused when they leave the honey moon phase of infatuation. They mistakenly start to feel that they don't love a person anymore but instead feel more like best friends, to me that's what happened i felt so comfortable around my ex not really an intense desire anymore but just a feeling of warm comfort (to me that was real love). I've deactivated my FB and other social networks that relate to her, In time when i feel like i can really just be friends then I might reactivate these things. But for the time all they do is act as a temptation. It's not because i don't care about my ex anymore, its because i know i care too much.

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Lucha, Your reply here made me think of something I just read online:

 

In-love with someone who runs hot-and-cold? Instead of trying to adjust yourself and your expectations (over and over again) for someone who will constantly change the game, you need to make a clear, empowered decision that you will not settle for anyone's half-assed, second-best approach to being involved with you—in any capacity. You are worth more than they way they are treating you, and you need to stop settling for it and tolerating it.

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Thanks all.. Silver & Sharky, etc

 

I am working on it. It has been a very hard year for me. I'm trying.

I am on anti depressants and seeing a therapist for a few issues's going on with me. I do hope the next month may possibly get a little easier... Im taking it one day at a time.

 

thanks

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