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Bad dream after contact from ex's flatmate


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I had a very bad nightmare about my ex last night. It was very upsetting and I woke up crying. I was in his place and everything had changed lots and I was jumping on him (like I used to) and scratching his face trying to get a reaction out of him that he cared about me still....I tried to move past it and keep busy today to forget it but I just randomly started crying and feeling very very down again. I can't really believe how deeply I feel for him. It is really bad. It's probably the way it ended being so cut throat and me deciding not to talk to him anymore, it's hard to get any closure from that especially seeing as he was begging for me to come back to him and he would change etc etc all week then doing this. But he was a real head **** and very abusive etc as I have explained before. I think it's all part of some abuse. Leaving me was meant to hurt me. I am sure of that actually considering how cruel he was with it all. Maybe he expects me to beg him back as I have said before...but I am not doing that. Even though I love him I know he is very dangerous and selfish and does not care about me...he is just an abuser....but it still hurts and I miss him.

 

Anyway I think this dream happened because I got a message from his flatmate yesterday. This flatmate blocked me on facebook about a week ago and now he's sending me messages on my videos on youtube and "sharing" the videos, Very strange behaviour.

 

Anyway that made me think that I'm being watched a bit and that my ex's friend is sort of spying on me. It made me feel good in a way because it shows that I am cared about in some capacity, I'm not forgotten. Maybe he is suffering too. But it did make me have that dream and so I blocked the flatmate on youtube. I don't want anymore dreams like this. It was horrific. I haven't had one where I wake up crying before. It really did me over.

 

I have also been talking to this guy online. I only started talking to him yesterday but we are getting on very well. I have spoken to plenty guys online before and I even met that one guy but I can actually talk to this guy. I haven't told him my life story or anything but we are you know, on a "roll" I guess. I think that might have something to do with the dream too. Fears and such.

 

I have calmed down now after writing all that

 

I really can not wait til the day when I am happy. I really really miss that.

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