to believe or not to beilieve?

[megnorman]

my husband and i separated about two months ago. it was very hard because i didn't want the separation at all. He was dead set on saying that he wanted a divorce and nothing was going to change his mind. we argued for the first couple weeks, and if we did talk it was never positive. But the past couple weeks we have been getting along very well, and we were having a very friendly conversation last night and i asked him if we were going to be ok? for the first time since we separated he said " yeah, i hope so...i don't want to get a divorce. i don't want to be that guy that left his wife, id like to hope that we can make things work between us." it seems like a big deal to me because before last night he had never said anything about us and our future. we decided to keep going with the separation for a couple of reasons. one because we don't want rush back into a relationship until were both ready. also im in college a couple hours away and cant quit in the middle of the semester! just wondering if anyone else has had this experience. I love my husband dearly and really hope this is a good sign for us getting back together. thank you

[ami7]

Believing is one thing, but fixing a marriage needs also hell of a work, so if you both want this to fix then start working on first realizing what was your/his problem with your relationship in the first place then plan for getting back together... but no rush, just take your time, both of you need to be sure you want this and that you want be together for the right reasons, because you belong tohether, you love each other and you are good together because you are convinced about being together, and not because he doesn t want to look bad, like he would be "the guy who left his wife". I would ask for other reasons from him beside the one he gave you... His reason sounds selfish to me, it is just about himself, about how he feels, how he doesn t want to look... maybe he is not mature enough to take the responsability/or the stigma (as he sees) of a divorce it seems like he feels quilty, that is why he has second toughts about leaving you.... and you know that deep down, thats why you doubt him by asking "to believe or not to believe"... so just trust your feelings about this and never settle for less than you think you deserve! Good luck!

[CeeLambrini]

I think it is believable, it might not be true but there is reason to believe him when he says he has changed his mind. If you think about it, the first few weeks of hostility were only confirming that his decision was right. Then you accepted what was happening and began to be yourself again, you relaxed because there was nothing else you could do. Now things are more positive perhaps the clouds are slowly parting and he is beginning to recognise the woman he fell in love with.

But ami7 is right, this alone will not save the marriage - he has issues with his happiness and he needs to speak about them. Did you try couples counselling, if not maybe you should suggest it after a few more weeks of this easy-going conversation you both have found. He might need to say some things out loud, and counselling might help him do that.