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What's this, I want her to need me, feeling?!??


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Sometimes I have this feeling. It's not I want her to love me neither missing her. It's I want her to need me, to depend on me, need my support, to rely on me.

 

What does this indicate? What kind of stuff I need to work on, to cope with this situation?

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I think i can sympathize with you... I went through the same situation with my break up because the way it was approached left my confidence shattered. For about a month i wanted to prove that she was wrong in breaking up and i have to say it's only natural to feel that way but what helped me moving on was realizing that those thoughts were SELFISH. Realistically those thoughts were me wanting her to comfort me in my times of hurt and loneliness, i wanted her to act like she was my girlfriend and comfort me about her breaking up with me. I think it's a natural thought process most people go through, we think "shouldn't they at least be reaching out and comforting me?" when in fact this kind of thinking is us just not respecting the decision they've made. Let me make something clear that i realized when going through what you're feeling, those thoughts only made me weaker and stunted true growth. They were thoughts of me needing her and i wanted those feelings to be reciprocated.

 

What you need to do to cope is be happy with who YOU are, be satisfied in YOU. EVERY person has their own set of strengths and weaknesses, their own good and their own bad. Once you can accept all of that in yourself and once you find someone who accepts all of that in you as well you will truly be happy.

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Maybe its because you want to feel better about yourself, so you want someone to make you feel that you are important in their life. Need me because that would prove to myself that I am worthy of someones attention.

We all get that at some point or another we feel down in the dumps and we just need someone to reassure us that we matter. Regardless if you are dating or not, you matter. People do rely on you, friends, family, co-workers, fellow students or whoever is in your inner circle depend on you to be there for them. You make them laugh or feel good, you banter, add, contridict, smile, and just be. Every day you do something. The only thing is that you feel you dont matter to this one person. Get rid of that need to matter to your X and youll feel better

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Maybe you associate independence with being abandoned. If someone can't physically function without you then they will never want to leave. You feel that love alone only offers a temporary relationship because perhaps your ex has shown you that people can fall out of love easily, but when you are needed, for their own selfish reasons people will stay for longer because they don't want to be free from what you are offering.

 

I also think being needed is a normal want to have. You feel cherished and appreciated when you can help someone out, or make someones life easier for you. When someone doesn't need you, or doesn't need you anymore - you might feel useless or worthless because your "help" wasn't good or satisfying enough for that other person.

 

Maybe you want her to feel a loss in her life because you're not there anymore.

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It is called love.

And your testosterone instincts kicking in!

 

Does this has to do with ego issues? Self esteem?

 

How do I address testosterone instincts?

 

Are you the "needy" kind? If so, it could be wishful thinking that she needs you too. Not sure if that made any sense but just a thought.

 

Nop. Was quite the opposite actually, never clingy. I used to be the stronghold, provider, the serenity of the relationship.

 

But there's a difference here. It's not the I'm happy if she's happy or pleasing her in order to feel happy myself, feeling responsible for her thing. Rather it's missing the feeling that she needs me, that I'm important to her life because of my role as provider of her emotional confort, physical satisfaction etc.

 

Maybe its because you want to feel better about yourself, so you want someone to make you feel that you are important in their life. Need me because that would prove to myself that I am worthy of someones attention.

We all get that at some point or another we feel down in the dumps and we just need someone to reassure us that we matter. Regardless if you are dating or not, you matter. People do rely on you, friends, family, co-workers, fellow students or whoever is in your inner circle depend on you to be there for them. You make them laugh or feel good, you banter, add, contridict, smile, and just be. Every day you do something. The only thing is that you feel you dont matter to this one person. Get rid of that need to matter to your X and youll feel better

 

Maybe you associate independence with being abandoned. If someone can't physically function without you then they will never want to leave. You feel that love alone only offers a temporary relationship because perhaps your ex has shown you that people can fall out of love easily, but when you are needed, for their own selfish reasons people will stay for longer because they don't want to be free from what you are offering.

 

I also think being needed is a normal want to have. You feel cherished and appreciated when you can help someone out, or make someones life easier for you. When someone doesn't need you, or doesn't need you anymore - you might feel useless or worthless because your "help" wasn't good or satisfying enough for that other person.

 

Maybe you want her to feel a loss in her life because you're not there anymore.

 

Yes, it's something along these lines of thought I think. I was so proud and took so much joy to myself in being the provider, for knowing that I took care of her, that she relied on me for so many things. And know that I don't have that I feel kind of insignificant.

 

But how do I deal with this?

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This feeling is natural, so don't feel bad about having it. Just acknowledge it but don't dwell on it. You were rejected and this feeling is a consequence of that. It is natural and ok to feel that. It is ok too feel insignificant too. Just remember, these feelings are natural and TEMPORARY

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