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A note to My Ex ill never send but feels so good to write!


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Its still really hard. I don’t know why you contacted me. I think a lot had to do with wanting to justify your own actions.

 

Throughout our entire relationship you always said we weren't dating even though you called me your girlfriend. Throughout it all I saw the warning signs. Your temper, controlling nature. The way everything was never your fault. Yes I was at fault for many aspects but when you truly did do something wrong you always said because I hurt you more that my pain never mattered. This made me feel worthless.

 

How things ended will always make me think of you with mixed emotions. I do not see us ever being friends or talking again. You have lost that right the moment you started comparing me to other women. The moment that first abusive text message was sent. I lied and have behaviours but at least I am working on them. I don’t see you working on anything except your mission to explore that sexual curiosity and have as much sex with as many women as possible… its really sad. You email me and say I will always be alone. But you see I won’t.. because I am a fighter, a survivor and I will survive the pain and torment you put me through. I pity you in a way…but then again not really. Just makes me think of what a sad person you are… and fyi you weren't that great in bed.

 

The thing I have learnt reading over our emails and the terrible texts you sent me abusing me, was that you were not the one. I was blinded by the fantasy of having a man who understood me. But you don’t and you never have. I think back to when I should of stopped seeing you. It was a text message you sent me saying you had met your ex gf in the city and a few days later you slept with her. I should of ran then, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You then slept with another woman, slept again with your ex and then in the 3 days we weren't talking, slept with her friend. I ended up forgiving you for all this and turning a blind eye. You were never committed to me. Never. At least I never slept with anyone else but you. Even if I saw S I never slept with him…. Funny how you could do whatever you wanted and blame it on being hurt. There is no excuse. You never gave me excuses so why should I let you? I guess I loved you more than you loved me or was blinded by some form of manipulation on your part.

 

In the end one day after I had slept with you and you told me we could make it work…sending me text messages saying that you would support me be there, I left my home, I was making plans to be with you. I find out you met some woman off a dating website and didn’t like her but ended up kissing her? Then text me saying you will most probably sleep with her… yes what a fantastic human being you are.

 

I think because I wasn’t with you and made mistakes you felt you had every right to do these things to me. That you were justified in disrespecting me. Two wrongs don’t make a right. After I called you in tears and uncontrollable grief over this last betrayal, something in me broke. I had enough strength built up to finally initiate no contact, but you kept emailing me and pushing me. Were you guilty? Had you seen that your actions caused me hurt? I thought maybe he does care, maybe… so I replied and then it was at that moment you stuck in knife in and cut open my heart. You send some bulls*it excuse over how I am the one in need of help and how you are doing great, basically cutting me off. You always wanted the last word in every argument. I guess you couldn’t take me being upset and you doing the wrong thing. I hope this satisfies your little ego and the sex satisfies your little d*ck because you sure could never satisfy me.

 

I feel good that you are finally going to leave my life. I think I am on my way to moving on, eventually getting married, seeing the world and living a happy life. A part of me still hopes you will change and magically come and be with me as some hero and protector. But in the end you didn’t protect me or my heart. You crushed me slowly. Like a beautiful flower in your hands I gave myself to you and slowly you tightened the grip and have now let me fall to the ground. Stepping on me with your feet and walking away.

 

I hope in time I can let the hatred go and also the love. I think I will do better in time by writing, keeping busy and forgetting your existence.

 

Until you get therapy yourself and learn to change… you will never find true happiness. I pity the next woman who will be with you, because you jump from one relationship to the other, convince them you are prince charming and then keep making them work for your love. You make them prove themselves over and over with you temper tantrums. I should of walked away forever the first time you pulled that manipulative crap on me. Abusing me and then saying if I didn’t stay with you never to contact you again that it proved I never loved you.

 

I remember the very last date I planned for you… I made you dinner, all your favourite foods, and took you at a secluded beach at night. The entire car trip you argued with me then act all happy when you get there wanting to hug and be all lovey. You expected me to just disregard my feelings then finally when I don’t feel like even being there with you we head home and you are upset again.

 

That snow trip you planned for my birthday. I never had seen snow before. You said you were going to pay for it all because it was my birthday. In the end I had to pay for the majority because you NEVER had any money. We argued the entire time. One night you got so high you couldn’t even remember having sex with me… I saw snow for the first time with tears in my eyes because you just didn’t seem to give a sh*t about me. It was the worst holiday of my life.

 

I baked for you. Paid for your chiropractic appointment because you kept complaining about your back and I wanted to solve it for you, I bought you running shoes for your personal training which you didn’t even appreciate because they were too “bright” to be used. I cooked you dinner, took you out. Spent thousands of dollars on you and you never really appreciated any of it. If you did you wouldn’t have argued with me every single damn time I took you out on a surprise.

 

I took you to that car race and you drove a race car, then argued with me the whole time. I came to your house with breakfast ready. I made you pancakes at your house, and then you refused to even hug me or appreciate it at all and told me to just get out. You ALWAYS blamed your depression for the way you treated me! I hugged you when you were depressed. Left my house at 1am in the morning so I could be with you because you were feeling sad. Driving over an hour each time, 2 hours each way. Sending you hampers and chocolates on birthdays and valentines. So much waste on someone who NEVER appreciated any of it! I could have been spending my time and money on a man who would of loved me fully and shown me that he did. Shown me he can support himself by getting a job instead of laying in bed all day and expecting sex.

 

How lazy you were! How blind I was.. I can’t believe I wasted a year on someone like you.

 

I am so glad you had your little say. Now finally I hope you can leave my life for good. I hope I never meet you again for as long as I live. You have taught me nothing except to avoid people like you, to look for someone who deserves me truly. You never deserved me and that’s why you ultimately lost me. I don’t care that I lost you, I don’t. You were never worth having to begin with.

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