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I am 32 and my GF is 39


maseman

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Hi Everyone ,

I have this problem for some time now and after looking at matured and nice comments from many people on this site i decided to post mine as well.

I am in love with this woman and she is 39 years while am 32.

 

We have dated each other for close to two years now and i have known no other woman expect her.But one thing is that before the Dad passed away, he made a will in our names because she told her how much i care about her and before the man passed away he talked to me for the last time and asked me to take care of her daughter.

She has one kid from her ex which is 16 right now and who also love me dearly.

 

My parents don't know about her and i don't know what will be there reaction when they get to hear this especially my Mom who have always wanted me to get married because i am the bread winner.

She cries a lot each time i try to quit cos of her jealous attitudes and the first thing that runs through my mind is the words from the the Dad.

 

My biggest problem is that i will like to have at least 3 kids and looking at her age right now , i don't know how possible that may be because she has already had one miscarriage.

Please i need an advice from all experts around the world.

Unanimous.

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You love her, that's all that matters really. Tell your parent's that she is the one and I'm sure they will accept her. She is only 39 so I'm sure she is able to have more kids, things get tricky around 45 to 48 I believe (I'm a man) but you still have lots of time to pop out a few kids. I'm not sure 3 kids is possible or realistic but 1 really is, 2 maybe but 3 is probably pushing it unless you have twins. But the sooner you start planning for children the better, there still is hope that you can have the family that you want with her.

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Why have you kept her secret from your parents? Two years is a LONG time.

 

Is she on board with trying for 3 kids? It's critical that you start trying now. After a year if there's been no conception then you may have fertility issues. If you can afford it, maybe you can go the IVF route to make fertilized embryos.

 

But first, commit to having kids! And tell your parents, it's way overdue..

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The fact remains that we met last year and one thing that becomes more critical for me is that her Dad died and made a will for both of us together a certain sum of amount without my consent.

Besides, i do not live with my parents at the same place, two different countries and i do not think is something i need to talk on the phone with them.

I think am stuck. Many times i have tried the best i could to make her understand that she can move on but she kept coming back, for me Kids are very essential because my parents never had much .

Please i need a help people!!

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How did you meet last year when you say you have been dating for two??

 

The first mature thing you need to do is to date her openly.

 

Many couples who are young and want children don't end up having as many as they want. I know someone who wanted 5 and have 2 due to pregnancy complications. based on her age, it is still possible for her to have children. Would you consider adopting also?

 

I think you are too concerned about your parents, because it seems to me you want three kids "because my parents never had much". Why should the number of children your have depend on your parents at all?

 

If you love this woman and she agrees that she would like to try to have a child in the future (natural, in-vitro, etc, and is also willing to consider adoption), who cares what your parents think.

 

The bigger issue is that I think you are ashamed of her if you are not dating her openly. And that is the problem. You are not making adult decisions if you are privately dating her.

 

I think that you have a choice - either openly date this woman and see what will be later (there is no guarantee that even a younger woman you meet will have kids. its rare to find strong love), or you need to break up with her cleanly. Not "oh, if only things were different, or leave me because i don't deserve you". But "i no longer want to see you. I cannot get over the hurdle of introducing you to my folks. So we have to end things now."

 

She will be upset, you will be upset but her father would be more upset about his daughter chasing a man who really doesn't want her than he would be about his daughter being single and having the chance to meet a man who cherishes her.

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The fact remains that we met last year and one thing that becomes more critical for me is that her Dad died and made a will for both of us together a certain sum of amount without my consent.

Besides, i do not live with my parents at the same place, two different countries and i do not think is something i need to talk on the phone with them.

I think am stuck. Many times i have tried the best i could to make her understand that she can move on but she kept coming back, for me Kids are very essential because my parents never had much .

Please i need a help people!!

 

Then you need to go to the lawyer and tell the lawyer that the gift was contingent on the fact that you would marry his daughter. Since you are not, you are allowing your gf to have he entire sum. The gift WAS assuming that you would marry - it isn't money for YOU individually. Do the right thing. If you stay with her even if you can't admit it to your parents, you are only in it for the money.

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And also i date her Openly, like i said, i stay in different country from my parents and also there is nothing like secret here because every one of my friends knows her , but parents back home have not known her ...that is it

 

Didn't you say your parents don't even KNOW about her? It is different to openly tell your parents you are dating her and they can't wait to meet her but have not versus not telling the parents you are dating someone.

 

Even so, you are dating her dishonestly. You do not want to continue dating her because of her age, but you are staying with her for the money. Or if not for the money, because the dad said to take care of her. You are not taking care of his daughter if you resent being with her! Only stay with her if you love her completely, feel there is no one else and you don't care whether she is able to have another child or not because she completes your world. I know you are concerned that your parents won't have grandkids, but if you marry, they become her daughter's grandparents. If your main is concern is that you won't be able to give your parents lots of grandparents, then don't be a coward. Break up and move on so you meet someone who is younger and wants a lot of kids = don't leave her in 10 years for someone younger. Unless you can be satisifed that you will have no kids/

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