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Don't know what I'm doing.


somegoodman

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My (ex?)-girlfriend had a second abortion about 3 weeks ago. We have been together for almost a year. The first abortion was carried out only a couple months after we met. Though she was distraught about it at first, she was eventually back to herself and our relationship was even better.

 

This second one is a different story. When she told me she was pregnant, I didn’t know what to say. I did know what I wanted, however. I wanted her to keep it, and I can sense that she wanted me to say that too.

But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know if it was fear or cowardice. I told her that “whatever she decided I would support” and I realize now how lame that is. I truly let her down and failed to step up and protect my child, and the child I wanted her to have.

 

The ab seems to have completely changed her. I don’t know all the details, due to how little communication I’ve had with her, but it seems like the procedure was an especially violating one. The first week following the ab she was still talking but in a lot of pain and feeling really down on herself.

 

Things got worse. I kept making an effort to see her and she would always find a way to avoid me. I honestly was not even thinking of myself at this time and just wanted to comfort her in some way.

 

The girl went from sweet and loving and missing me everyday to downright cold and blatantly ignoring me and blowing me off. It started to get to me until I lost my cool and told her I was done. Her response was little more than “whatever”.

 

Keep in mind that when I threatened to end it I hadn’t seen her for over two weeks and had no idea what she was up to, how she was feeling, why she was avoiding me…I was utterly lost and beyond frustrated.

 

I came to my senses and apologized to her. I told her that I was upset too, and that I had wanted the baby and failed to speak up about it. I told her that the blame is with me, not her.

 

She told me that she just wants to forget everything, doing what she did a second time destroyed her and seeing me would only make it worse.

 

I finally saw her in person a couple days ago. I thought things were pretty much over, so I just listened to her complain about how I only seem to care now that she doesn’t want to be with me. I listened to her and saw her cry and it just felt so genuine that I hated myself for what I did to this girl.

 

I did the only thing I could think of: I told her that I was serious about her and apologized for my behavior, I told her I had never felt for a girl the way I did for her. I told her that if it was too late, it was too late and I would just suck it up and move on.

 

Well something seemed to light up in her after that. She turned to me and apologized, cried a lot, said she “really does love me” and doesn’t want to stop seeing me and just “needs time” to get her life back. I quietly accepted that and dropped her off at home. Before she left she turned to me and said “I love you”.

 

I have a lot of experience with women and I know that when they say they “need space” or “need time”, its already over and she moved on a while ago, probably with another guy in the picture. I want to believe that it isn’t the case this time; that she really just needs time alone to heal. But I have this nagging doubt.

 

I have resolved to not contact her now, for anything. I wanted to be there and she didn’t want that from me. I am just going to get on with my life, even though I am dead inside now.

 

Am I doing the right thing by leaving her alone? Will she see this as abandoning her? I really am confused by the situation and don’t know what my place is, what my role is, or even the status of my relationship anymore.

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Give her some time. You saved.the goal on the last talk. She isn't done.

Call or text her in a few days and keep it light. It maybe a few weeks...so don't lose your cool.

 

Yes, my plan is to let her alone and if she contacts me, I will keep it very light and not pressure her about anything. I'm just unsure of myself and despondent with the situation.

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I find it odd that you didn't mention this second abortion in your thread from a few days ago. Either way, I would back off, and allow her to decide what she wants at this point.

 

I almost don't want to admit to myself that I'm responsible for two abortions, as bad as that sounds.

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I almost don't want to admit to myself that I'm responsible for two abortions, as bad as that sounds.

 

I don't want to sound mean ... I mean this honestly ... but if you guys don't know how to use birth control/have 'bad luck' with it, then you should just not have sex. Seriously.

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