Monkey ai Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Need some helps with my situation… 3 weeks ago, my ex BF have reach out to me to meet(almost 2 mos post BU), and then I reach out him to meet 2 times, as I want to know what he want… Week 1 - He reached out to me, we catch up on brunch as friend, after meeting, he texted me: I had a good time with you. Then we had nice text chat Week 2 – I reached out to meet up, as I want my things back, he hold more than 6 weeks and void to give back to me, as I need some of stuff, we went movie after, we had good time, but I told him that I want to talk with him, he said ok, as he need go back for his dog, we had Week 3- I reached out again, as I want talk, we meet for lunch, and I ask him, as we have been part for 2 months now, has he ever thought about to working on our relationship… he said he want to date me, but not exclusive, and I told him no, as I have too much feeling for him, and I cannot be friends now, he can contact me only he want to try or he needs help… This morning, I got text: Good morning, how is your week going? Are you busy this weekend? Wanna do something? I am kinda lost here, what he want, I know he is looking( maybe online dating site), he is good catch for some kind, I am sure he will find someone need him… but he does have trouble to manage a good relationship as long run, I do like him(maybe love, not sure), I do want give the relationship more chance, as we are very compatible, and I had fun w him, but I do not want drag the BU long, I like to be clean cut, as much it is hard let go, but I know I am very capable let my feeling dead… I will be ok. Like to hear your thoughts and how I should text back to him, please be gentle... he is not very good partner material, but I only know him 11 months, I don’t mind to date him again slowly.. 1) Meet with him and date with him without tile, and see what will happen, manage my expectation, go on other date myself 2) Ask him, what he want, not meet him until he is ready to date me exclusive. Thanks!!! Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 He's looking for some FWB action. You want a real relationship. He's willing to date you -- with benefits -- while still being free to date other women. He's been very clear about this. You don't need to meet up with him to ask him again what he wants. He's already told you. Is that what you want? I don't think it is. Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 He's looking for some FWB action. You want a real relationship. He's willing to date you -- with benefits -- while still being free to date other women. He's been very clear about this. You don't need to meet up with him to ask him again what he wants. He's already told you. Is that what you want? I don't think it is. Thanks for your input, I do agree with you somewhat,I don't want FWB, and he knew that. he is not that kind guy to push the thing that I don't want... I still not sure why he reach out... I know part of me still want to give it try, but part of me think I should let it go for good.. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 He reached out because he's hoping you're going to have sex with him. Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 i am not sure, I met him three times already, he never tried to touch me... he told me that he felt things moving kinda fast BTW us, he want know me more... also I still struggle with our communication, as he felt my English is not good as he wished, my grammar... I believe it is more culture differences, as he grow up in US and I grow up in Asia... that cannot be changed, also he is kinda OCD with grammar, that I cannot help, I told him that no one can change, but I do believe things can be improve for sure… Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 There's a difference between "taking it slow" and not being exclusive. He can still see you exclusively while taking it slow with you. If you agree to date him without being exclusive, you will be demoted from "girlfriend" to FWB. You can try and rationalize this and hope for things to improve in the future, but what he's offering you is no-strings sex. Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 I do agree with you, but I am really surprise how he can impulse this to me... or even try … I don’t do FWB and I don’t do friends when I still have feeling… why ex do this? We are in our 40s, he seems not those guys don’t know how to respect??? It is not make any sense to me… I am still lost here... Link to comment
doicare Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 well by seeing him you at the very least will get some clarity.... I wouldnt make myself too available, but if you want chance at seeing where this can go, he at least needs the space to tell you. If it's the same old nonsense after you see him, then I would tell him with kind words, that you love to make things work but understand he has other priorities and you dont think you should be in touch any longer as you want to move on. Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 well by seeing him you at the very least will get some clarity.... I wouldnt make myself too available, but if you want chance at seeing where this can go, he at least needs the space to tell you. If it's the same old nonsense after you see him, then I would tell him with kind words, that you love to make things work but understand he has other priorities and you dont think you should be in touch any longer as you want to move on. Hi doicare, thanks for your input, I thought I was very clear to explain to him last week, and he should get it... do you think he have second thought? I know he is not sure what he want, but he can have his time and space, also freedom to date, but he can only reach out to me when he know what he want or really need help in some kind. i want see him, but I am tired to talk about it ... I really thought he understand since we talked last week, can you explain to me anything from male perspective... Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Decide what you want and what you're comfortable with. Where does he currently fall in that spectrum? My guess is that if you're honest with yourself, he'll fall outside of it. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 You've already met up with him three times in three weeks. You don't need to see him again if he's not interested in having a relationship with you. Don't let him use you as a placeholder to keep him company over the weekend while he looks for his next girlfriend. Link to comment
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