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Boyfriend cheated with ex wife and now wants to come home


Maggiegrace12

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Ok I'm new to this but need insight on my very complicated situation...

 

My boyfriend and I were together for a year this Christmas. His ex has been nothing but drama since we met. They have 2 kids and have been divorced for 5 years. Both cheated and they had toxic relationship. Last August she took him back to court and judge ordered 'no shack up' clause to be in effect in 90 days. This meant that we had to be married in that time frame or his kids couldn't stay overnight in our home anymore. I was outraged by this and felt that she was trying to control my life now as well. She had several men live with her before she remarried. Anyway, fast forward to this Christmas and my fb is pressuring me to get married and I am still not comfortable with it bc I feel like it's for the wrong reasons. I love him and I know he loves me. Christmas Day comes and he shows me a pic from his ex wife's soon to be ex husbands fb of him and HIS ex wife back together. Basically this means that my bf's ex wife has just been left by her husband for HIS ex wife. Complicated, I know. I'm not surprised bc they have only been married a year and separated twice. Two days later we have 'Christmas' with his kids at our house and he goes to bed early bc he isn't feeling well. The next morning he picks a fight with me over bs and we end up breaking up bc he says ill never marry him. He leaves. Txts me every day begging me to marry hi for like a week. New Year's Day I get txt from friend with screen shot of him with his kids and ex wife PHONE IN HAND (knowing he's been txting me all day and he's posing in pics with his fam) and I'm SHOCKED. I call him out and he downplays it but the next day he freaks out and moves out if her house begging me back. Here's the thing.. He worked out of town when we met and quit a high paying job to move home. He honestly can't afford his own place now and I know that's why he ran back to her. BUT that's no excuse. I didn't take him back and told him I needed time but he's not giving me space and I know in my heart that even if. He doesn't love her he will go back to her if I don't take him back. What's wrong with me for still loving this guy? What does this say about his feelings for me?

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This sounds very complicated, lots of problems, most of them are not your problems, so my question is, do you really need this? Let them, him work out their issues, you got nothing to do with their mess. I think you deserve better!

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Sounds like he wanted you to marry him because he wanted to trump his ex-wife, rather than because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. They are clearly not done with each other. Step back and consider if you need this crap for the rest of your life.

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Thank you so much for the insight! This circumstance has made me want to reach out and get opinions from people who don't know either of us.

 

I didn't have time to finish the story earlier so here it is:

When I wouldn't take him back he stayed at his parents and was devestated for 3 weeks begging me back in every way possible. He wouldn't back away and let me process what happened and thought I was even trying to get back with my ex. Although this isn't his business I assured him that wasn't the case. He needed me to give him an answer on if I could eventually forgive him. When he thought I wouldn't he ran back to her AGAIN. I CUT ALL CONTACT AND THAT WOULD BE 2 weeks ago this Friday. I have been so hurt because I KNOW he loves me and doesn't want to be with her. It's a matter of who is going to provide him a place to live which really is pathetic when I say it out loud. Yesterday morning I received several calls from unknown number which turned out to be him. He was crying telling me that he went back so that I wouldn't chase him bc he couldn't take the pain of thinking I was 'playing spin the bottle' with him and my ex. Crazy I know. He told me how miserable he is and I know that's true. I knew that regardless. He asked me if I could ever forgive him. I told him I can't imagine how. The convo ended pretty much that way and I haven't heard anything today. It's like I'm upset he broke no contact now bc it's emotionally getting to me again. I love him. I know he loves me but he can't even stand on his own 2 feet.

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I'd change the locks and tell him to go have fun with his ex wife.

 

They've been bedhopping so much that a judge finally recognized this and how harmful it is to the kids that he put a stop to it. They're not doing this out of "love" for any new bf's or gf's (including you!). What they're doing is payback shagging. He cheated so I can too. She cheated so she's got no reason to be mad at me for doing it.

 

Seriously, exit this drama before you end up on Jerry Springer with them.

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Thank goodness you are away from him. A mature person would handle the situation by having the best interest of the kids and not having the girlfriend sleep over while the children were spending the night and she would understand - from the get go. Or he would verify if the court order were true and go from there. He would not beg the girlfriend to marry him only for that reason.

 

I feel bad for the children.

 

Please don't go back to him.

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