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Can't make up his mind


Tayla92

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Hello,

 

Well I'm pretty confused at the moment...

 

I met a guy a couple of months ago, who I find extremely attractive and I get along with him so well!! As soon as I met him, there was an instant spark.

 

I'm 21 and he's a couple of years older than me, which I liked because I've never dated someone older.. Anyway, we've caught up quite a few times in the past couple of months, and he's told me how much he likes me and is so comfortable hanging around me and he loves that.

 

He told me he has bipolar and stopped his medication a month ago.. Which I'm a bit worried about.. Because I have quite high anxiety, so that wouldn't mix too well together I'm assuming. That isn't the problem though, the problem is that he used to live in a different state and he moves around.. A LOT. He doesn't stick around in one place too long and he says he can't help it, it's just what he does. So in the beginning, he told me he's moving back to his home state, which I was quite upset about because it was going to be over before it even began. Then a week later, he said he's decided to stick around and see what happens with us. Then about a week after that he was thinking about moving an hour away and find a job in a new place, which I wasn't too fussed about since it's only an hour away. The last time I saw him, we were speaking quite seriously about getting together as a couple, making things official which I was so happy about. He's been so sweet this whole time to me.

 

Then after that weekend, the following week he hadn't made contact at all.. So I was kinda getting worried, asked if everything was okay. He said that he was thinking about our conversation that weekend, and realized that he would be wasting my time since he moves around all the time. He doesn't want to get in a relationship with me anymore, because now he's moving to New Zealand in a couple of weeks (surprise, surprise), flights all bought and paid for. This made me extremely upset, I don't get why he has to move around so much. I don't even know if he'll come back. I thought that what we had was quite special, and that he really wanted to give it a go.. Now he doesn't speak to me like he used to, and wants to be "friends" still. I don't like when guys say this, because it's really hard to just go ahead and BE FRIENDS with someone you are honestly falling for. He wants to catch up still before he leaves, and said I should come and visit him in New Zealand once he gets settled.

 

When I found out he was moving, I went through a week of believing I didn't mean anything to him at all, crying myself to sleep. It's been a roller coaster of a week.

 

Am I holding onto something that honestly may never happen?? I could try and be just friends with him and maybe in the future something could happen with us?? He's all over the place, doesn't know what he wants to do in life but I don't really care because I feel so much for him that all I want to do is talk to him, see him and be there for him.

 

What to do.......

 

Thanks for any responses, appreciate it!

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Feeling 'so much' for him isn't a good reason to try to hang on to him. In fact it's a good reason for letting him go because you're too emotionally invested in him and you're going to get very hurt by him. As you realize he's very unstable and cannot make you happy. Don't get into this pattern of waiting around for someone who's not a good prospect for you. You need to try to get uninvested in him. The 'spark' between you and his attractiveness to you is irrelevant. It's not a good reason to get attached to someone or to try to hang on to them. It's a good reason to run away if everything else about the situation is problematic. It'd be good to learn at a young age to be strong and do what is actually best for your wellbeing even if that's hard to do. It's better than sticking to someone because you can't help yourself, like an addiction.

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I know you don't see it now, but as you get older you will understand: you should consider yourself very lucky that all this happened. Bipolar people have to be on medication. Abruptly stopping the medication is a dangerous thing to do, both for them and for those around them.

A relationship with this guy would have been an emotional rollercoaster ending in heartbreak for you.

It would be a good idea for you to research bipolar so you can see for yourself what it's all about and then you'll see what I mean. There's a wealth of info on the Internet about it.

Move on and cut all contact with this guy.

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Thanks for your responses! I very much agree with you both, and I do tend to get quite invested when I start to like someone, which isn't a good thing most of the time because I do end up getting hurt. I think I just need to break the cycle, and learn to really get to know someone before I get so involved. While I was writing all that out, it made me realize exactly what your both saying. I understand all that, and hoping I can come to terms with it. I think it's just the emotional part that I'm attached too, and the hope I had that it would work out. I have looked up the signs and symptoms of bipolar, and yes I was worried when he told me he had stopped his medication.. Very silly thing to do, and I'm sure he'll realize that soon enough. I already tried to talk to him about that, but he shrugged it off. Even though I do care for him already, I can let him go. It's for the best I've realized.

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