she is acting distant (need helps asap)

[Slowlybear]

I'll try to keep it as short as possible. So it's been 4 months since I know this wonderful and kind girl. Or friendship is not something one would call normal. We became really close in a short time. I know stuff about her that no one knows and she as well. One day we talked about relationships, an she told me that she was not ready to have one since her last relationship of two years ended very bad for her (she became depressed after it ended), and that her heart is broken and probably never love again. I think she was giving me hints that she was not ready for a relationship, but the strange thing was that she told me that she would really appreciate it if someone would be honest about his of her feelings.At that time I did not really knew how I felt about her, so I told her that I didn't feel anything for her. She was kinda disappointed about that, her reaction was kinda cool. After a while, I started to develop something for her, and eventually I told her. She was not really excited about it when I told her, and told me that she was not ready for a relationship. However she also told me that I should not see it as a rejection, since she 'feels' something for me. I clearly took it a rejection then, and I became depressed. She constantly told me that she didn't rejected me, but I didn't believe it. Eventually the next day she called and told me again that I should not be worried about it, and that she loves me and feels something for me, but she is not ready yet. We then decided that we would go on as friends, and see what will happen in the future. So in the past two months we became really close, we hugged, held hands and gave each other kisses on the cheeks. We stared going out every day, and we were basically 24/7 together. But there was one thing, no one was allowed to know about this except two people ( a friend of her and one of mines). The reason for this was that she had a friend that she shares a room with that loved her as well, and she didn't want to hurt him. She told me that she would tell him if something serious would happen between us. Eventually our winter break came up, and she went on vacation with him. We kept close contact while she was away, we texted every day and called eachother. But after she came back the real problem occurred. When I saw her after she came back, she was happy to see me. I hugged her and kissed, but I had a feeling that she didn't really liked it, so stopped doing it. I visited her several times in the past three weeks after that, but I still had this feeling she was really distant. We didn't do the stuff we used to do (hold hands etc). I gave her a gift and I asked her if she still had this 'feeling' for me, and she said yes, but she gave the same answer as before that she was sure yet. I asked her if anything had changed, and she said no. Normally this would have been satisfying for me, but I noticed that our text conversations and real conversations were really slowing down. Plus, I didn't find her that excited when she saw me as she used to be. Last week she went to this party and met a couple of people, she told me that it was a shame that I didn't come, but when I called her, I told her that I would come the next time, and her response was not really that happy. It really cool, like 'yeah okay if you want to'. She met this guy there, and she was really excited about him. To make matters worse, last week she went to his astrologer who told that she would marry her roommate, and when I asked her about she said that she would mind it if later one she falls in love with him (i've asked her several times if she loves him and she assured me that she doesn't). I've decided to live in the same city as her, and I told her about it and her reaction was pretty cold again. She just told me if I was sure, that's it (she helps me finding a room though) We even cancelled our vacation plan for the summer, since she doesn't have enough money. At this moment I'm really starting to feel down because of this. I just have a feeling that she is not interested in me anymore, I've asked her if she is sick of me, and she said no. I've considered backing down, and giving her more space, but I can't. She is my best friend as well, plus I can't stop thinking about her. If I really back down, I'll someone that is really important to me, and I'll probably be depressed for a long time I really need your advice on this one. My plan is to hug her and be close with her again, and see how she reacts. If she reacts very cold, I'll ask her if she wants me back down, and leave her alone.

[junebug123]

I've asked her if she is sick of me

 

Why do you want to be with someone who obviously isn't interest in you

[Slowlybear]

But I'm not sure if she isn't interested in me anymore. Plus I really like her, I've never felt like tis for anyone before.

[chr8st8na]

OMG... do yourself some good and snap out of it. This girl used you and dont need you to fill in her loneliness any more.

[Slowlybear]

I've my best friend about it, and he basically agrees with you.

But it is really hard backing down from her (she is my best friend as well)

Do you guys think that I should tell her that I'm backing down or should I just do it without telling her

[chr8st8na]

You don't need to tell her anything since she is already fading out on u. If she ask, then you tell.

[NorthDallas40]

This thread would be better titled:

 

"My female friend who has told me for the past 4 months that she won't be in a relationship with me is acting distant. (need help realizing I'm in the friendzone with no escape)"

 

Sorry to say brother, from Day 1 this girl was never a romantic prospect for you - and she told you so!

 

If you want to be her friend - a TRUE friend, not a guy who's hoping to be her boyfriend once she realizes how wonderful you are - then fine.

 

But if you have romantic feelings for her, then stop seeing her altogether and meet other women. This is a dead end, and has been from the beginning.