I think I've made a huge mistake

[CleoC]

My ex called me 5 times yesterday. I didn't answer and I was ok with that. But then, at night, I sent him a text asking him why he called and if everything was ok.

He replied that he wanted to talk and we talked for a few hours.

Today he called me and texted me again. He asked a few times if I was with someone else, if there was someone interested in me, how much he missed me and those stuff.

Again, we talked a lot.

A few hours ago we talked about our holidays. I told him what I did and then he told me he went to New York. (Before breaking up, we were planning to go together). And he told me that the woman that he was with took a plane and was with him for 7 days there.

That completely broke my heart. I was happy because we were talking again and being nice with each other but that comment just killed me.

 

We were together for more than 3 years and we never went together on holidays, that was supposed to be our first ones. We never spent 7 days together alone.

 

He told me he's no longer with her. Didn't want to tell me very well what happened but he said something like it was never serious and it wasn't what he was looking for.

 

This trip was in January. Very recently.

 

The thing is I want to be with him, to be honest. But I don't know what to do. It's really nice to talk to him without drama and sad conversations. But I'm afraid he is not interested in me and he is just using me because he feels lonely or something. I just don't know what to do or what to tell him.

 

I don't know if I should try something or just let all this go...

 

Thanks for reading and please don't judge me. I really need support.

[jenbrooks]

I just found out that my ex started online dating after two weeks we broke up. Very heart broken too.

 

I'll take this as a learning lesson to never pick up the phone again.

[shellyf62]

Can I ask why you broke up & who did the breaking up??

[CleoC]

And he also told me he want to have lunch or coffee with me and go to some concerts.

 

I want to see him and see what happens but I don't know if it's a good idea

[amazinggrace]

To CleoC, keep it where it is for a time and see where things are going. Nobody wants to be used, and nobody wants to go into anything feeling like that is possible. Just use caution and maybe have a heart to heart and let him know what you are feeling,,,the things you are saying here. He should be able to hear them, and answer you with honesty. One would hope. Talking for now sounds good to me. I wouldn't jump back so soon.

 

To Jenbrooks...I'm so sorry. She is just that rebound emotional tampon. You shouldn't pick up that phone again. You don't need him. =)

[CleoC]

Can I ask why you broke up & who did the breaking up??

 

Sure. He broke up with me 4 months ago. He said he was quite depressed because we couldn't see each other very often. That everything was against us but it wasn't for lack of love. Blahblahblah

 

With time, I realised that it DID was because he wasn't in love with me. He didn't say anything but we could have seen each other more if he would have wanted to. The thing is he didn't want to make any effort.

[shellyf62]

So will it be different this time?

Maybe he dated the other girl & realised he does love you?

Why did you guys never go away together?

So many questions....sorry !!!!

[NorthDallas40]

If I were in your shoes (and I have been!) I'd tell him that it would be great to see him again, but only if he's interested in a serious relationship. Otherwise, that you'd prefer to stay out of touch so that you can both continue with your lives with a minimum of heartache.

 

Because how are you going to feel if you continue hanging out, thinking things are progressing towards being together once more, only to have him tell you soon that he met another girl?

 

If you go No Contact, that scenario will never happen. You can spend your time looking for someone who truly wants to be with you, not someone who just needs a shoulder to cry on until he finds another girlfriend.

[mhowe]

So why would you want to go back to him knowing that he took another woman on a 7 day trip to NY. Something he never did with you?

It obviously didn't work out so he is snidding around to see if you are available to service e his needs?

 

Tell him it was nice catching up...but you are looking for a man who makes you a priority and history has proven he is not that man.

[CleoC]

To CleoC, keep it where it is for a time and see where things are going. Nobody wants to be used, and nobody wants to go into anything feeling like that is possible. Just use caution and maybe have a heart to heart and let him know what you are feeling,,,the things you are saying here. He should be able to hear them, and answer you with honesty. One would hope. Talking for now sounds good to me. I wouldn't jump back so soon.

 

Thank you so much. You truly understand what's happening to me. I don't want him to use me. I don't think he wants to be with me but I think there's a little chance for us to be together in the future. But I'm afraid. The trip with this woman was very recently and, since things didn't work out between them, I think that maybe he just feels lonely and knows he can talk with me. I don't really know

[CleoC]

So will it be different this time?

Maybe he dated the other girl & realised he does love you?

Why did you guys never go away together?

So many questions....sorry !!!!

 

I don't know, I'm so confused.

We did little trips together for 3 days but we never had money to go on longer trips. This was going to be the first time we could do it.

[shellyf62]

Do you want to get back together with him?

Would you be able to trust him again to not break up with you?

 

I think he is lonely & missing company, so is seeing if you are still available. If you don't want to get your heart broken again I think I would block his number.

It didn't take him long to start seeing the new woman after breaking up with you

[CleoC]

So why would you want to go back to him knowing that he took another woman on a 7 day trip to NY. Something he never did with you?

It obviously didn't work out so he is snidding around to see if you are available to service e his needs?

 

Tell him it was nice catching up...but you are looking for a man who makes you a priority and history has proven he is not that man.

 

He didn't take her. He went alone and she took a plane and went to see him. But hurts anyways because he was supposed to do that trip with me.

I think you're right. I'm tired of all those emotional conversations but I guess I'll have to talk to him.

[shellyf62]

It doesn't matter if he "took her" or not, she still ended up in NY with him, and you didn't.

Time to find a great guy who will take you there!!

Good luck

[Lucha]

I would outright ask. Tell him where you are with your feelings, and ask if he is ready to be in a committed relationship with you.

 

Someone who is ready will jump at that and so you can start building up the relationship again.

Someone who is just looking for you to be his emotional safety net, will answer ambivalent or say he doesnt know or something.

 

Good luck

[sharky988]

I agree with Lucha above.

 

I've been in the position of breaking up with someone, dating other people, realizing what I lost and reconciling with my ex. However, I didn't make contact until I was sure I wanted to get back together and I made it clear very early on that this what I wanted. I think that in your place I'd give him a SMALL window of time to declare his intention to get back together.... but I wouldn't continue to see him indefinitely. If he goes on too long leaving things undefined between you, then I'd assume as it's also been suggested that he's just using you as a placeholder between relationships.

[CleoC]

I agree with Lucha above.

 

I've been in the position of breaking up with someone, dating other people, realizing what I lost and reconciling with my ex. However, I didn't make contact until I was sure I wanted to get back together and I made it clear very early on that this what I wanted. I think that in your place I'd give him a SMALL window of time to declare his intention to get back together.... but I wouldn't continue to see him indefinitely. If he goes on too long leaving things undefined between you, then I'd assume as it's also been suggested that he's just using you as a placeholder between relationships.

 

Thank you sharky. You always have the right words. I don't even think if it's a good idea to get back with him in the first place, but I'll take this month to see how things go. What he truly wants and, more important, what I want.