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I need some advice.


TallGirl15

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So here's the deal:

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over five years. I met him while I was in college, and after graduation he moved back home with me accross the country. While we were in Florida, things were really good. And for a little while after we moved things were good. But then the problems started.

 

The whole time we were dating in Florida, he had a stable job. When we moved up here, it took him quite a while to find a new job. I didn't think much of that, because hey, he's in a new place, and needed to make some new connections. But, he's since had and quit 3 jobs in the course of a year. The troubling thing for me, is that he's quit all of them badly. He quit one without any notice, and then he's quit the last two without having another job lined up. The other thing that troubles me is that he doesn't seem to have a plan for his life (i.e. no idea what kind of career he wants, or any plan of how to get where he wants to go). Every time I ask him what his plan is, all he says is "Well, I want to have a better job." That's it. Even when I push him for details, I get nothing more than that. I just feel like he doesn't have any ambition. Which is a problem for me, because I am a very driven person, and I find his attitude, for lack of a better word, lazy.

 

And so do my parents. Which is another problem. My parents loved him while we dated in Florida, but then we moved back here, and they've since been liking him less and less. It's now to a point that my mom comments about how I need to dump him and find someone better almost every time I'm alone with her. And she doesn't say it in a nasty way. She genuinely is concerned about me. All mothers want their daughters to have someone that will take care of them, not someone that they have to completely take care of.

 

Things have gotten to a point where I'm annoyed by a lot of the things he does (or doesn't do), and I'm just not happy. I am pretty sure that I want to break up, but I just have no idea about how to go about it. Other than my family and my friends, he doesn't have any connections up here. If I break up with him, I don't know what he'll do.

 

He has a trip back to Florida scheduled in March, so I don't know if I should wait until closer to that date, then he can kind of use that as a moving back trip? Or should I end things now? I'm so confused about how to handle things. He's a great guy, but I just don't see things with us going anywhere. How do I break up him and cause the least amount of hurt?

 

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

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This is between the two of you, not your folks and their opinions.

 

Also, he is the same person he was in Florida. He just happened to have a job he liked enough to stay at. I think that if you had a solid relationship for five years and now he is having a hard time fitting in where you live - I wouldn't just dump him. He came to your city - followed you - and just hoped he would find a job. It does take time to get your feet wet especially if you know no one else but your significant other.

 

I would find out if he is comfortable/not comfortable living where you are living and decide whether its better for the two of you to settle somewhere that works for both of you and both of you can be successful, etc., or not. Or whether you see things long term. If things were great for five years - he could be depressed about his new situation.

 

Also, if you dump him, there is no guarantee things will be nice and tidy and he'll just move back to Florida in March. That is pretty rotten if the break up is not talked about and mutual for someone who moved accross the country for you. And he could end up wanting to stay.

 

I really wonder now - if he has "no ambition" - could it be that now that your parents are there in your ears, it is influencing you - where he was perfectly fine for you in Florida? Or if he is not driven, why were you with him for five years?

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