I love him

[Angeleyes90]

So i've saw this guy a few times and i really connected with him straight away and he finally opened up to me and said he doesn't think it will work out with us because he suffers anxiety/depression and he fears he might push me away and i really do love him a few weeks back he said he would try for us to be a couple but now he's all depressed and i still think he likes me it's just his depression taking over. What should i do?

[savignon]

I would suggest taking a look at why you'd want to take on someone else's super serious issues after only having met them a few times. That's a red flag for co-dependency on your part. You can't make him want to be with you or be healthy enough to be with you so the only thing you can do is focus on yourself and learn why you'd feel "love" for someone after only a few dates.

[Suri]

Honestly, are you sure you love him? How well do you know this guy? If you think that you can help change him or make his life better then think again. I've known way too many people who have fallen into that trap.

[Angeleyes90]

we've known each other for a good few month, we opened up about our feelings for each other then he opened up about his depression to me we've only met a few times because distance wise but have had a lot of skype video chats

[mhowe]

Depression and relationships that have not gotten off the ground are a bad mix.

I think you might think about a friendship...but continue your search for a romantic partner elsewhere.

[bulletproof]

I think a few months is a very short period of time to decide you love someone, especially when the bulk of your time together is not spent in person.

 

I also think that whether he's depressed or not, he is telling you he doesn't want a relationship. Usually when a person wants to be with another person badly enough, they ignore everything else, including their mental health diagnoses. Not to say that's healthy, but it is what people tend to do.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm with mhowe and the others on this. He needs therapy and to sort himself out before he starts a relationship. He knows this and is trying to let you down easy and to give you an option to not get hurt. I say take it, back away and find someone else. I know you say you love him, but that's just the honeymoon stage. Real love doesn't come until after the shiny newness of it all wears off and what you have left is either nothing or something. Right now you have shiny newness and that's all you have really, so listen to what he is saying and hear him. Let him go work on his issues and stop trying to force things to happen. If he gets help and is then more receptive great, but don't wait around since that can take time.

[amazinggrace]

There are all kinds of love, I am assuming you feel a romantic love for this special guy in your life? I dont think you should give up just yet. Was he diagnosed with depression and anxiety by a Doctor? If so, he can get help for these things and live a very 'normal' life. Why not see if you both can even be friends before you give your heart to someone you hardly know? Take things in baby steps instead of those big leaps. I would get to know him more, see if he even wants that with you. He was honest to tell you how he feels and the personal things he is dealing with. These things are struggles but there is no need to think they are everylasting.

 

I don't know how open you both have become or even if such things were talked about, but I do know this one important thing...If he doesn't love himself, he won't be able to love you.

 

Each thing that he personally deals with that is unmanaged on his end, will trickle into your own relationship with him, and it then will be your issue too. He should get to feeling better, not just for you but for himself, first. If you love him and care of him, you will want this same thing. Support him if he chooses to seek professional help and see where things can go from there.

 

Investing your heart is a very big chance. Think of you too in all this. Good luck to you.

[mbee]

I agree with all the posters about this being a relationship you should not pursue. I'm not going to tell you how you feel, since it is possible you love him, but regardless of whether or not you actually love him, that's really not the issue or the deciding factor.

 

This guy has told you he has issues. He's made it clear his issues will hurt you and hurt an impending relationship. He's doing the right thing by informing you of this and telling you this isn't a good idea. You've known this guy for a few months. It sounds like you might have a co-dependency issue and are inclined to try and "fix" guys. This guy isn't going to be a healthy partner for you right now. Who knows what the future will bring, but for now, just stick to a friendship and leave it at that. Encourage him to get professional help and continue being open to other dating opportunities that come your way.