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2 weeks after breakup and he already online dating


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I cannot believe and extremely puzzled and shocked. I decided to look up his alias to see what game he's been playing, and I found his new dating profile which was created one week ago. He has a friend that encouraged him to do penpal with Japanese women when we were having problems, now that we are officially broken, his profile is on instantly.

 

I am extremely shocked. I know he's as hurt as I am after the breakup. I don't understand this kind of personality. He told me he's not going to find someone new, he told me he's too old for dating now (he's 32).

 

I am so shocked. Should I do the same? Should I put myself out there? But how can I? I am still trying to heal, and I don't think it's a good idea to date.

 

Please advise, I am so sad to see the real truth? How could someone who keeps on saying that they love me so much, and go do this after two weeks? How does this actually work?

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I understand, but my assumption is that he would work on himself during this breakup instead of trying to find someone new right away. I know I suck, I still hope that he will fix himself and come back, but instead he chose to do online dating right away after 2 weeks?

 

I guess I should do the same? But that's not the right thing to do though right?

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The second that you break up, you are both free to do whatever you want. There is no appropriate mourning period post break up and before dating. Everyone is different in that respect, so please do yourself a huge favor and stop looking him up and stop trying to figure out why. You are not him, he is not you. You two broke up and he is not your problem anymore. You need to do what you need to do for yourself so that you can move on and heal. How he goes about that is not your business. By the way, looking him up is just rubbing salt into your own wounds and stopping you from healing. Stop it. Block and delete him and do not try to look him up ever again.

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Not only is he NOT going to fix himself.... but he's probably going to do exactly the same thing to the next girl as he did with you: never commit and let his mother run the show.

 

I know it hurts, but please try to take this as a sign that there's no going back now and stop watching what he does! It's only going to cause you pain. Right now, ignorance is bliss. Make sure you've got him blocked everywhere else online.... you don't want to accidentally come accross his Facebook page or some tweet about another girl.

 

I would guess you're not ready for dating at this point. There's nothing wrong with taking some time to recover and regroup before putting yourself back out there. Your ex was less invested in the relationship, so it's going to be different for him dating again than it is for you. If you go into dating too soon, it's only going to make you miss what you used to have with your ex... that's not good and you wouldn't be giving anyone else a fair chance with you.

 

I recommend you follow your original plan and don't base what you do on what your ex does.

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On-line dating with Japanese women. Yeah...that iast dating per se....that is cyber pen pals. The chance of him going to japan is zero. He is amusing himself without having to have a real life gf.

 

Stop stalking.

 

And the possibility of him working on himself was zero as well.

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sharky, what he did is so cruel. We had an amazing relationship, a problem that he could not help fix. Now that I left him, he quickly put himself out there to find someone new. When he himself told me he'll never date again after me.

 

I am feeling like throwing up. I feel cheated on and lied to. I was such a fool.

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Regardless of the fact that he said he wouldnt be dating anytime soon and he is, which makes him a liar, apart from this trip to japan they have planned there is no chance that this is going to work out for him unless he moved there. So feel sorry for him!

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Regardless of the fact that he said he wouldnt be dating anytime soon and he is, which makes him a liar, apart from this trip to japan they have planned there is no chance that this is going to work out for him unless he moved there. So feel sorry for him!

 

Your post makes me feel better. But this penpal website is basically all around the world, he's looking for company to fill the void. I can't believe it. He's just doing this to feel less lonely. Wouldn't a real man focus on the issues from the previous break up, fix himself, and then make himself available.

 

Or like you Lucha, you are still trying to forget your ex, by discussing and talking about the issue, but not make yourself available right away like that. I feel like he's a man . I'm not sure if I want to be with someone like that after I find out.

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Your post makes me feel better. But this penpal website is basically all around the world, he's looking for company to fill the void. I can't believe it. He's just doing this to feel less lonely. Wouldn't a real man focus on the issues from the previous break up, fix himself, and then make himself available.

 

Or like you Lucha, you are still trying to forget your ex, by discussing and talking about the issue, but not make yourself available right away like that. I feel like he's a man . I'm not sure if I want to be with someone like that after I find out.

 

Except that I'm a woman I'm a lesbian. But I get the idea . I should say that I put myself out there too, because the ex already did whilst in a relationship with me. However I immediately say I do not want to date, only meet new people (to hang out with basically). Perhaps that is what he is looking for as well? I know right now you prob feel sick and think of him sleeping around with some bimbo.. Which if he ever truly loved you, wont do after 3 weeks.

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If you want to heal, stop creeping on his online activities. Doing that impedes the healing process considerably because it causes you to obsess about what theyr'e doing and why, along with all the other questions of "why wasn't I good enough? Why did he leave me?", etc., etc.

 

He more than likely said that because he didn't want to totally gut you with the truth.

 

After a period to get your heart and head sorted out, you should put yourself out there to date again, unless you wish to remain celebate the rest of your life. But don't do it before you're ready becaues it can be hurtful and disasterous for both you and the guy you get with.

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You can only focus on yourself. If he's not working on whatever it was its b/c he doesn't think its really a problem. And if he IS working on it, its not for your benefit, but for his next relationship. So either way it doesn't matter. Thinking he would never date again ever after you (even if he said that) is a little silly....of course he's going to meet someone else. Eventually. Online dating/chatting/im'ing/texting can make a person feel less lonely. Doesn't mean he never cared about you...just that he's ready to move on (as indicated by the breakup). Definitely stop following him or checking on him--no good will come of that.

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Now that I left him, he quickly put himself out there to find someone new. When he himself told me he'll never date again after me.

 

People say all kind of things to soften the blow during a break up. This was a promise he was never likely to keep. Was he planning to be a celibate bachelor for the rest of his days because you two ended your relationship?

 

Not meant to be harsh. I know right now your emotions are raw and it feels all wrong, but he is living his life and moving on in his own way. You will too. And, you will find love again -- with someone who is a better fit for you. Someone who won't put their hands on you.

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When we were having problems, his friend told him to do penpals, and then after that they planned to go to Japan in April. This is all making sense.

 

This sounds to me like he was already in a mindset to cheat, why else would you reach out and be "pen pals" with totally strange women in a totally strange country then plan to go there with your buddy? Trust me, it's not friendship or cultural enlightenment these guys were after. Sorry, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet and you shouldn't be shocked at his actions given that he was already mentally checking out of the relationship by seeking out the company of strange women BEFORE he broke up with you. So yes, stop worrying about him and get yourself healed and then go date whoever you want.

 

And nearly ever ex says certain things to try and fill the void of a breakup, they probably even mean it too at the time. Then after a few weeks of being single it dawns on them they ARE single now. And if they are the type of person who doesn't handle being alone well or taking time to sort themselves out they will usually throw themselves into dating as fast as possible. Don't take it as a reflection on you, take it as a reflection on the fact it's over between you two and whatever or however each of you choose to deal with the breakup is your own choice. I think your choices and instincts personally are better, you're going to take the time and process everything before you begin dating again. Chances are you'll end up in a far happier head space than he will because of that.

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Thank you so much. When I was with him, stopped hanging out with his friend (Let's call him Nick), who cheated on his wife with three different women in Japan. He recommended my ex to do this when we were having problems. And then after that I started seeing his text coming in really heavy from Nick.

 

Anyway, it's indeed over. I guess in a way it's good for me to find out that he is this kind of person.

 

I saw his profile, his profile has pictures are the ones I took for him when we went on our vacation together. I don't really care, but it's a little bit odd.

 

And it specifically indicated that he was looking for a relationship, language exchange, flirting, romance, and friendship.

 

Basically, he'll try to find a woman in Japan just right before his trip I guess.

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I had a discussion with my friends about dating after breaking up.

 

My friend suggested that I do the same to help with the recovery. Meeting new people, just date, but no relationship and no sex. Make a profile and that way it will keep myself busy and focusing on other guys. She thinks this will make me forget my ex a lot faster and also open up to meeting new people.

 

But I'm just afraid that I will never find someone like my ex while meeting up with these people. I think it might be a good idea since looking at his profile yesterday really set me back and made me feel disgusted inside.

 

What do you guys think about this idea of just talking and hanging out?

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You shouldn't care what he's doing - that's your goal.

 

No, you should not do what he's doing. Do what's best for you. I'm guessing jumping right into the dating pool isn't it.

 

I am thinking about me, because I want to figure out whether dating will bring a little change and happiness in my life so that I won't think about him too much.

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