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Is she genuinely busy? I doubt it. Any advice?


t510

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Hi

I could really use some advice. I started seeing a new girl a few weeks ago. She works a very demanding job, but everytime we chat all I hear is she is exhausted or so busy, but seems excited to talk to me. Last time we met she was acting really interested (holding my hand stuff like that) and told me to call her. That was the weekend before the past weekend. Now she rarely initiates conversation. I told her I wanted to get together soon and to let me know when she was free because I know she has a busy schedule - that was 10 days ago. She seemed really excited.

 

How would you handle this one? What I did tonight was just say "I hear ya" when she said how busy her week is and told her I gtg. Would you ask her out again? How long would you give her. I think it's time to move on.

Tonight I didn't respond to one of her "busy" texts. She wrote back a couple hours later. Before we met last time she was giving me the run around over and over and then I rejected her next offer. Guess what? She called asking to go out again.

I know I'm supposed to be meeting new girls and stuff, but I'm really the type of guy that would rather be in a relationship then dating multiple people. She doesn't seem to interested so maybe it's best to move on?

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EVERY time I've dated a girl who was "too busy," no matter how much slack I gave them... in the end they simply weren't interested.

 

I think it's still ok to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if you do, make sure she's your 2nd choice, not the 1st. Cos I don't like dating multiple people either, but it's a great way to cope with flaky people like this... and hopefully another girl will demonstrate to you how an interested woman actually behaves!

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Hmm this is a hard one!! Being a woman I do the I'm really busy thing to show I have a life (which I do) but sometimes women do it because we think we need to show we have a life, which I guess can sometimes give the wrong impression. No woman wants to look desperate so some women will over-do the busy thing without realising the consequences. She may genuienly like you but be playing the silly rules game which I try not to do because it gets you no where. Could possibly be that, or she isn't that into you.

 

My advice, ask her out in a clear succinct way, something short and assertive like you mean business. You have nothing to lose at this stage. So just send something like hey, hope you're well - do you fancy having dinner this Friday. For me an assertive, confident guy is sexy. Nothing about this shows desperation to me. See how she responds, if she is flaky then walk, it won't work and she will be a pain to date.

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I'm with ND40 on this one. I've gotten that excuse many times and in my experience they always go off the radar shortly after. No one is busy 24/7. If someone is really interested they will make time. Have you ever been too busy to see someone you are really interested in? If you are hearing this over and over again then it's probably not a good sign so I would keep my options open if I were you. I know the goal is to get into a relationship (mine is too) but you will increase your chances if you date multiple people.

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Generally at the start of dating someone I do try and keep my diary as free as possibly (without being too available) if I'm busy on a particular day then I will suggest another day that I'm free and work from there. This is how an interested girl works. And I do have to agree with everyone TBH, when I'm not that into someone I do use the busy excuse. With someone I see as an option not as a priority then I have been known to cancel a date and say I'll be in touch when things are less busy to try and keep the door a bit open. It's bad I know, I've never got back in contact though. I move on and meet someone else who I like better. I think this is how the vast majority of people who date regularly work. If you meet someone who you have loads of chemistry with, lots in common etc then generally I think you will BOTH feel it and you will BOTH make room in your diary because you like each other. So I reckon, move on.

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I think I might be on the other side of this problem. I have a really busy job and even though people say if you're really into someone, you'll make the time, sometimes you just can't. Like when you're in a meeting at 10 pm. I've had to cancel on a guy twice because I was at work (once on a weekend). Sometimes I can offer another day and sometimes I just don't know with the work schedule. What further complicates it is that I prefer him to ask me out again and then obviously you want to leave 2/3 days between asking each other out...so in my situation it's been over 2 weeks since I saw him!

 

I wouldn't say though that my life is such that I don't have time for a relationship. If we were at a stage in the relationship where we communicated everyday and were meeting everyday, a quality relationship would still be possible but at this point we're also competing with each others' social diaries so it's hard. If I think about what I want the guy I'm seeing to do in this situation, I would like if he gives me options - like 'sometime over the weekend' or 'sometime this week'. That way I can find a time slot. When he messages me at 8pm to meet him and his friends for drinks, it's hard for me to ditch a client meeting and run to him. lol

 

I think if you specifically ask her if she wants to meet up over the weekend or on a Sun evening ask if she wants to meet for drinks the following week and she doesn't suggest a day, then you should move on.

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