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Tinder - Internet dating problems


RKO

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I joined tinder around a month ago and to be honest blown away by how good it is. Ive been on POF with varied results but Tinder seems to generate a lot more interest and conversation, anyway to my point.

 

In the past month ive chatted in the main to 2 girls, both seem really lovely. we moved on to become facebook friends mainly so I could see if they were who they say they were and if their photos are up to date. big tick in both of their boxes.

 

Naturally conversations came around to meeting up, and this is where I feel bad in that Ive agreed to meet both.... I feel like some kind of "player" doing this but im thinking because we met on a dating site they are likely to be doing the same and even if we do meet theres no guarantee there will be a spark there.

 

Also during this time a local girl i met out one night gave me her number and weve been texting. I dont know her that well at all really but shes suggested we go on a date sometime, foolishly Ive said yes.

 

I am looking for a serious relationship and not just to meet these girls for sex.

 

I guess what im asking is, how do others on dating websites go about this multiple dating and do they feel bad about it?

 

Thanks

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You are not committed to any of these girls and you are currently just dating. You are allowed to meet up with different girls!! After all, how will you know which one you like if you don't meet them all? And yes, if they are on tinder, chances are they are meeting several guys as well. If you've met them and then go on 3-4 dates with each one, then I would tell you to make up your mind and pick one..but i see no harm in going on a first date with all of them! Have fun

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The only way you can compare is to invite them all out for a group date and eliminate them one by one based on a bikini competition. Afterwards you can take the winner for some ice cream.

 

No, don't feel bad. You need to meet them at least a couple of times to see who is the most compatible with you, and then go from there. If you want something serious, make it know that that's an eventual goal and cut out the girls who seem to be dating just for the attention. Tinder is a very suspicious app; many girls just use it as some sort of attention-who---ing came.

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I like these replies a lot. Im glad that in not some kind of sleaze by doing this then.

 

Anyone from uk with an opinion? I appreciate the USA views but from what ive read on here sometimes dating is different in each country.

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I don't think meeting a stranger through a dating site is dating them -you're meeting to see if you should date in the future. So even if in the UK there's some stigma around dating more than one person at a time, you're not dating these women (yet). I'm from the U.S. and when I met men through on line dating in person I did not consider it a date and I met many men simultaneously, went on dates with multiple men, until we decided to be exclusive. Since I was looking for marriage I knew for me it would make no sense to limit my options based on meeting one person a handful of times. I never had casual sex.

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I think regardless of your country, chances are that people are using Tinder the same way.

 

And I agree with the above posters that you should feel free to "multidate" as much as you like, until you've been out with ONE girl 3 or 4 times, or you've had sex. Until that point, you and the girl are basically strangers with no commitments, or reasons to be "faithful" to one another.

 

Also, in my experience first and second dates mean nothing. I've gone on MANY second dates only to have the girl reject me or disappear afterwards. Heck, I recently had a FIFTH date and had the girl cancel on a 6th until I got the message that she simply wasn't interested anymore. With that in mind, it makes sense to increase your odds by dating as many girls as possible before you're serious about any of them.

 

Good luck!

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I'm from the uk, London and using Tinder and like you finding it really successful. Loads of decent people on there.

 

From a female perspective, most of us will multiple date until we settle on a guy we really like and focus on them. Tbh its kind of expected that you will be multiple dating if you use any form of online dating. Though once it gets past the 3-4 date then yeah I would expect the guy to focus just on me, if I get any hint he is still seeing other people then I will run. So be careful because you could lose out. I think after a few dates, normally 2 you should know enough anyway.

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I use to be like you OP....and only 'talk' or see one person at a time! I remember when i first started online dating, there was one guy that really struck my fancy....in other words he was tall....really cute....great job....and he txted me a lot. We had 2 very long convo's on the phone. I was giddy...he called me 'sweetie'...etc. etc. Then he told me he was talking to 3 girls closer to him also! I had a meltdown. (I tend to have lots of those...hehehe)

 

Well things went downhill FAST.

 

I then talked to a friend who was pushing 40 and had a teen daughter. She said, Oh NO....you go out with MULTIPLES, until you decide!

 

You see, I'm in my late FIFTIES...and we NEVER did that. EVER....or you were 'loose' or a 'player'.

 

So I've had to rethink my whole idea of meeting and dating guys.

 

So now i don't 'meet' or date ANYONE! *big sigh*

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A person I knew was dating 6 girls at once (1 to 3 dates with each), and he married one of them. You need to actually go on a date to see if you would get along, or if you even like them. You are not bound to anyone because you chatted/emailed with them a few times.

 

People are also on their best behavior the first three months, so dating is getting to know them.

 

But once you bump uglies with someone, then it changes everything. So keep it clean until you know who you wanna get freaky with.

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I think I do have a favourite actually, but then the next day the other ones a fav, then the other, hopefully soon as I meet them I will know what's what.

 

Thinking ahead and maybe won't happen, if there's an attraction with each one and it gets to that point....do you kiss them?

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OOOOH yeah....! lol Especially if there is an attraction! (My prob at my age....NO ATTRACTION to anyone! lol)

 

Anyway, you can either kiss them on the first date...or second, but definitely kiss. Cuz some are really good kissers that can get your engine revving...and some are deal breakers!

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Kissing is fine.

 

Making out, groping, dry humping, oral sex, and beyond with multiple girls is sleazy. You should know by date 3 or 4 who has long term potential and who doesn't. Don't go for the low hanging fruit and proceed to have sex just because it may be up for grabs. If you're serious about wanting a relationship, wait until exclusivity has been established before getting too physical.

 

Honestly, whomever gets to date 5 is likely the one you feel most compatible with and can see entering a relationship with! Just remember, if you're not ready to make it official, you can still be exclusive -- as in you're not dating or sleeping with others while you two take the time to figure out what's building between you.

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woaaaah hold your horses! there is no way id even consider having sex with any of these girls until/if we became official or looked that way.

 

Isnt kissing someone kind of showing a bit of commitment?

 

I hear girls talking about a rule they have in that they never kiss on a first date and its a girls unwritten rule?

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Really depends how well the date went, but I have on quite a few occasions kissed on a first date. I don't see it really as any form of commitment just shows you are interested in a person. Commitment to me is how much time a person dedicates to me, how much effort they put into me. Basically if I get on with a guy it's all about how much he invests in me. Otherwise I lose interest. I only have sex with someone when I see we are BOTH emotionally invested in the relationship.

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woaaaah hold your horses! there is no way id even consider having sex with any of these girls until/if we became official or looked that way.

 

Isnt kissing someone kind of showing a bit of commitment?

 

I hear girls talking about a rule they have in that they never kiss on a first date and its a girls unwritten rule?

 

I don't think so and I don't know about that rule.

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My sister never kissed on the first date. I only kissed them if i was STRONGLY attracted to them....and i was drinking....lol

 

I think that use to be an old rule...never kiss on the first date.....a VERY OLD RULE. Sometimes i think if a girl isn't interested, she uses the 'don't kiss on the first date' because she isn't interested.

 

But my sis didn't kiss her husband on the first date....and they are married. But then again, he had the rule (i have since heard about it) that if a woman doesn't sleep with you by the third date...bye-bye. I guess she did! lol

 

So there ya go. She didn't kiss him on the first date...but slept with him by the 3rd!! Guess the kissing went well......

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RKO it's Tinder. Most people are just looking for a hook up from what I've seen, and most are not looking for a serious relationship. There may be the odd one who is but why not have some fun with these girls and if they just want to get laid? Then I wouldn't say no, I say just go for it!

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Kompakt, not sure which country you're from? From in London the vast majority of people I know (both men and women) use Tinder to date not for hook ups. I would say it's a 50/50 split between men wanting hook-ups to men seeking a relationship. I think most women on there wouldn't consider a hook up!

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The ones im talking to dont seem to be after just sex.

Uusally you can tell going off someones facebook, loads of selfies with men liking them, ty pics etc. Luckily the ones im talking to seem very family orientated which is nice.

 

Just need to summon the confidence to meet them now which is a lot harder than I thought.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Just thought id update you all.

 

I had my first date on wednesday.

 

I was so nervous and so was she, but we had a nice time, had a drink for a couple of hours, good conversation and even though I was thinking about cancelling with nerves im glad I didnt.

At the end she said she would like to see me again, we didnt kiss or hug but have text a lot since. She seems a wonderful girl but does live quite a distance from me which is a downer. Alsi she only broke up with her ex of 5 years in november so im a bit worried this might all be a rebound thing.

 

I have another date tomorrow, this is with the girl ive been speaking to since january practically everyday. She seems really cute, looks great and is in to a lot of things I am. My only worry is that shes out of my league, but hey, im looking forward to finally meeting her.

 

Finally I have a date lined up next wednesday, this is with a girl I actually know and have kissed a few times on nights out a few years ago. we reconnected on twitter and have chatted quite a bit. Ive always found her really attractive but shes 23, and im 32.

 

My issue is I keep going on tinder and clicking yes to girls i find attractive and have intent on meeting.

 

Do you think that if I really liked this girl on wednesday I wouldnt keep messaging other girls?

 

Also this girl im meeting friday told me she deleted the app as she isnt the type of person to talk to a few guys at a time.

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