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I hate my life. I am trying but it's going nowhere


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So I'm crying hopelessly...again.

 

1)I can't get a job. I'm an actor. But I mean I can't get ANY job, not just acting jobs. I am trying very hard to no avail.

2)I feel like I have close to no social life. I feel very lonely and pathetic because of this. I try and go out but most of the time everyone is busy.

3)I miss my ex. He was emotionally/mentally abusing me for the entire relationship and HE dumped me. So my self esteem is a mess also.

 

I've been trying to do things, running, going out everyday, appreciate the little things, counseling. I even went on an internet date. But I am still here feeling like there is no hope, my life is screwed up/ruined and nothing gives me any joy. It's been about 4 months now.

 

I am desperately unhappy.

 

I feel like the world is just annoyed at me for not moving on and being happy with my new life without my ex. I also feel like I can't do this. It is too much. Why was I happier when I was with my ex? We were very happy when he wasn't in a rage at me or being paranoid. It was conditional love I know that now. I know he is pathetic for hurting me so much.And the odds are very high that he is unhappy now and will continue to live a messy, unstable life so I should be happy I am out of that. I just wish I was married, settled...

 

I hate my life so much. I hate the world.

 

Nothing ever good happens for me and if it does it turns out to be bad.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

All I do is try and keep myself from hurting myself physically and try and do things but it's exhausting and no fun at all.

 

I feel like I have no friends. My friends can't be bothered with me anymore.

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Hi cryingalways,

 

I can relate. I've been feeling like you for the last days (it was bc she called and I answered, and all the feelings of the past months came rushing back to me). Are you in no contact? You should.

 

Anyway I totally understand and dont think you should be over it by now, in fact I think you should avoid people who tell you so (that is what my counselor advised me) bc it is very normal to be depressed after losing a love. It is the worst thing that CAN happen in your life (except for maybe losing a child). So let yourself grieve. Dont be hard on yourself. (I should probably follow my own advice too )

 

About the job.. Could you take up a class or something to pick up new skills, which could make it easier for you to find work? It would be good for your selfesteem too. But I now right now your feeling of selfworth is probably under zero, mine is too. Someone we loved dearly decided that we aren't good enough / they dont love us enough to share their life with us. It sucks. But at least you know it was a toxic relationship. Imagine how you must feel if he was everything you ever wanted (yup, that's what I'm feeling.)

 

I will follow your thread because I am in the same place.

 

Hugs to you!

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But it's not a bad thing. I was trying to leave him. He was very mean to me and affecting me very badly. I shouldn't miss him. He just did it to try and be in control as he was loosing me.

 

Yeah, you must be sad

 

Hugs to you

 

That's good keep that in mind and within six months or so, you'll be fine. Seems like you're struggling with other issues in your life too and that may just enlarge your breakup stress. For me the same, my grandmother is dying at the moment..

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I just need to be going out more and actually having a life but it's just not happening. I may as well just crawl into a ball and dissappear. No one would care. But I care. So that's all that's stopping me. Someone needs to care about me.

 

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

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Have you tried antidepressants? While it can be hard changing your life for the better, making new friends and going out some medication could help you to take action. I know for a fact I didnt want to leave my bed in the morning because I thought what is the point.. Then a doctor put me on medication and now I can at least get up, eat, come out of the house, etc.

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I can't afford a counselor right now and I get very anxious about medication like anti depressants. I realise I have been told advice before and I am appreciative of that and have been exercising and trying to find a job a lot but I am still depressed with my situation.

 

I can get out of bed and I do actively try and make a life for myself everyday it just gets to me how lonely I feel. I am actually actively trying to not hang out with bad friends of mine too. I have some who are not sympathetic, quite arrogant and self involved and just aren't good friends really and as well as trying to not go for guys that are bad for me anymore I am trying to not hang out with these people either. Not that I want to really, they just make me feel a lot worse. But the few nice friends I do have are very productive and busy so they don't have time for me very often. I think it's a good thing my doing this. It's just hard because I'm so painfully lonely.

 

All I am focusing on is getting a job. It gets depressing looking all the time. But I can't really do anything until I get one.

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Why not look into volunteering for a cause or two that you care about? It won't cost you anything, will let you meet new people and it FEELS GOOD to do it. I'm not a huge fan of counselling, btw. I think the more you can fill your life with meaningful activities, the better you're going to feel. Instead of focusing on socializing with friends or meeting guys, why not work on new ways to express yourself creatively? That's about fixing your life and your world from the inside out.... not relying on external factors like jobs and other people to lift you up.

 

Accomplishment = self-esteem = a sense of happiness and fulfillment, just in my opinion.

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Why not look into volunteering for a cause or two that you care about? It won't cost you anything, will let you meet new people and it FEELS GOOD to do it. I'm not a huge fan of counselling, btw. I think the more you can fill your life with meaningful activities, the better you're going to feel. Instead of focusing on socializing with friends or meeting guys, why not work on new ways to express yourself creatively? That's about fixing your life and your world from the inside out.... not relying on external factors like jobs and other people to lift you up.

 

Accomplishment = self-esteem = a sense of happiness and fulfillment, just in my opinion.

 

Edit to add: And aside from exercise, other natural and inexpensive methods of helping with your depression have already been suggested to you.

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Just try to push through and find enjoyment where you can. Focus on the little moments where you actually have seem peace. Everything kind of loses its luster after a breakup and it can send you into a downward spiral. Once you find a job things will seem a little better - so you are doing the right thing. I know it's tough but hang in there and stay diligent. Life is often difficult but these feelings will pass.

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You have to understand that you're not exclusive. You're not the only one going through this. Most people alive right now have been in the dark alley you are right now.

 

No it's not easy. Far from that...But you have to get your head together and try to be a little optimist. Your friends can't bother with you anymore because they probably tried their best and you can just sit in your dark corner and feel sorry for yourself. There is only so much people around you can do to help you. I know this is not a valid argument but there are people out there who have way worse than you. I have a friend who lost his mother, his father, and his grandmother in a car accident a couple months ago.

 

Your ex is still alive at least. Not with you, but alive nonetheless. Get yourself together, it's nowhere near the end of the world, it's just a phase of your life.

 

Like I said many times here already, I've been fighting depression for 10 years now. I know how you feel. I KNOW. I tried to take my life a couple times now. Once when I was 16 (I'm 23 now) and when my ex broke up with me (about 4 months ago in a few weeks). So I can tell you, feeling sorry for yourself and ignoring all the good advice ENA has given you already is the reason you're like that now. You're miserable right now because you want to.

 

So get your together. Enough is enough and you had enough. Get up from the computer and go do something productive. Go on a jog or organize or books or whatever to get yourself distracted or something. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get this black cloud out of your head.

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I dont want to hurt your feelings or use my mum to "shock" you into appreciating life ...but when stuff happens it puts life into perspective .

 

I am waiting for a taxi now from where I live now to my homewtown with everyone on the planet who I know preying my mum holds on till I get back ..she is at the end of her journey

 

I know you live with yours ,....go and give your mum a cuddle and sit with your parents ..look around and count your blessings darling ...just count them because you have more than you think xx lots of love to you x

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Thanks.

 

I'd rather my ex was dead actually. My brother has passed away and that plays in the back of my head all the time so I do know there are worse things it's just I have that on top of everything else so it makes life just seem like a massive disaster where nice people have bad people walking over them and life has no sympathy itself, bad things just happen.

 

Shooting star I'm really sorry about your situation. I will be hoping you get there too. I did not get there for my brother but it happened quite suddenly and I just have to live with that but it does not bother me as I know he was in good hands with my mother. I'm so sorry shooting star. I really am.

 

I do not moan to my friends about my life anymore. I haven't for a long time. I just want to hang out. Do anything with people you know. I may go out tonight on my own.

 

Anyway shooting star I'm thinking of you.

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No I wish he was dead because he's an abusive waste of space horror to humanity who treated me like crap and used all my pain and insecurities against me including the recent death of my brother. That is why I would like it if he was dead

 

I am not going to actively try and achieve this but he is a waste of space and deserves to suffer

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And the next post is going to be that you still want him.

I know you still want to be with him and that is why you are still in the same exact place as you were 6months ago.

Choose your path, you cant do two at once. You cant have one foot on your own and the other foot on his. I still have not read/heard you say you are done with him. You have hope he will come back and until you cut the emotional cords that are dragging you, you will still remain in a victim state.

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