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I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now. We fell in love fast and we've been through a lot together. We long ago shared login information for most things, as a sign of trust. We can both get into each others accounts, see conversations, etc. Well, recently, I noticed conversations with certain people dissappearing suddenly off of her facebook. Curious, I watched those people and when they talked to her, it was generally sexual in nature. One of them convinced her, while I was watching, to create an account on a fetish based sex site. When I looked up her account, it was specified to local hookups and such. I know she's never cheated on me this far, but with recent problems not allowing us to have any communication directly, she's become a bit more distant and unsure. I don't want our relationship to end. I know she doesn't either. She has certain things in her own mind that are beyond her control. She suffers from multiple personality disorder and unfortunately, one of them is, for lack of a better word, a . Before we started going out, she often sent pictures out or sexted with multiple guys and girls at once. When we started going out, she was still a virgin, as was I. We lost ours together and were very sexual for over a year. With the recent lack of contact, be it physical or otherwise, I'm worried that her one personality might be influencing her more easily since she's basically been deprived of sex for nearly two months. I know she's still in love with me, but I can't talk to her right now until the situation is sorted out. It's not a choice based no contact either, there was a legal problem outside either of our control that ended up with a no contact order that the court is refusing to remove even though we've both requested it several times.

 

What should I do? Obviously, I can't try to stop her from meeting up with people and having sex, but I can't let her do that. If I don't interfere in some way, she's going to end up in a really bad situation. It's really hurting me that she'd go this far just because we can't talk right now. But i'm more concerned with her. The last time she was doing this kind of thing, sexting and sending pictures to people online, her self esteem and emotionally stability disappeared. She started self-harming, and even attempted suicide multiple times. Because of her split personalities, she loses control easily when I'm not around. She starts hating herself and degrading herself even though she tells herself she enjoys it and wants it.

 

My question is, Should I break up with her? Or keep fighting this no contact order and hope it's removed before she acts on these things? Pictures and stuff online are okay, considering she can't control that at all without me there. But I'm scared something might happen offline if this keeps up. If she were to actively cheat on me, It would tear both of us apart. I know she'd hate herself for it and I'd hate the fact that I couldn't stop her.

 

If I break up with her, I'm giving up the only happiness either of us has had in years. But if we stay together, we both could end up severely hurt and even worse off than before.

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Giving each other access to each others private messages isn't a sign of trust, it's a sign of control. Not going into said private messages ever would be a sign of trust, however.

Has she been diagnosed officially with this split personality disorder or is this something she has told you?

And what is the no contact order for? If you are convinced she essentially needs you around to be in any way alright, then why has the law invoked a no contact rule on you both?

 

Questions and theories aside, I think you have your answer here;

f I break up with her, I'm giving up the only happiness either of us has had in years. But if we stay together, we both could end up severely hurt and even worse off than before.
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The whole situation you are describing sounds extremely unhealthy for both of you. She has a serious mental health problem and this prevents her from having a healthy relationship with anyone. You cannot save her from herself and it is NOT your job either. You are not her parents nor her doctor. You cannot control another person and you should never try to. My advice to you would be to break up with her and seek professional health to address your own emotional issues that drove you to such a relationship. Saddly, the happiness you felt came at a very high price and if you continue to engage with her, you will both end up very unhappy. You cannot make her happy. Because of her condition, she is incapable of feeling happy and is also incapable making anyone else happy, at least not in the longterm. She needs professional help.

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Ask for professional help, for her and for you if you want to stay with her, see how professionals could help... It is very important that she is aware of her other side(s), that she feels sorry, after doing things she wouldn t do "normally", so I think those are encouraging facts.

If she wants to controll her mental issues and she really wants to work hard for her stability and if you love her, I think she deserves help and support.

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The thing is, she's aware of the other personalities actions and tries very hard to convince herself that she wants them to do these things. She has absolutely no support outside of me and hasn't for around 6 years. She grew up in an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive environment. She does go to counselors and therapists, but they don't help at all and sometimes make the situation worse. As for the going into each others private messages, she asked me to specifically on occasion because she felt it necessary since she DOES losecontrol sometimes and it's gotten her severely hurt in the past. I suppose I can put it here, since this is fairly anonymous. She was raped while working in a haunted house back in October because her one personality teased some guy for a few minutes and he cornered her later and attacked her when she told him she wasn't interested. Neither one of us controls the other in any way, however, we help each other control ourselves. Both of us have been in therapy for a long time and both of us have mave marked improvements since the beginning of our relationship. From what I DO know of her situation right now, she's gone downhill to an extreme since we were forced to have no contact. I have ads well, backsliding into severe depression. We've been support and love for each other this whole time. The loss of that closeness is what's causing this situation. Unfortunately, when she falls back into this kind of behavior, she becomes self destructiveand refuses to let any kind of therapy or counseling help. I was the only person to ever break through to her past the surface. I know it's supposedly not healthy to rely on each other so heavily. But us relying on each other hurt no one and only helped us and the people around us. The situation is a little different from what people imagine. We are both aware we have serious issues. But until this no contact order is removed and we can go to therapy together, neither one of us will have improvement without the other.

 

Ugh, have to retype all of this because the page reloaded and lost it all.

 

I understand that it's supposedly not healthy to be so co-dependant. But before we started our reltaionship, neither of us could function in society at all. We have helped each other improve and be happy for the fist time in our lives.

 

As for above, when I said "If I break up with her, I'm giving up the only happiness either of us has had in years. But if we stay together, we both could end up severely hurt and even worse off than before." I think you misunderstood. What I meant was that if this keps up and the no contact order stays in place, whether I break up with her or not, we both end up severely hurt, backsliding into the problems we've worked through previously and into the self destructive behavior we were able to pull each other away from.

 

A lot of you are suggesting professional help. But we've had professional help for years and it did nothing. The onlyy time in our lives where we've gotten better in any way has been since we were together. Her other personalities had even started to vanish, they hadn't done anything for awhile until all of this. For the record, she IS diagnosed with multiple personalities. Her therapist for that particularly said that the improvement was almost a miracle, given how long she'd had no control over them at all.

 

I love her, I love her very much. A few times, when I hear about the real problems going on that she has, I've considered breaking the no contact order and taking a little jail time so I could go over and help her through it. I know that would make it all worse in the long run, so I haven't obviously.

 

The no contact order was put in place after she was raped. I went to her and we spent some time together. She wanted to feel loved, not used, abused and hurt. So we ended up making love, because I honestly don't know another term for it since it was all about love and comfort. Her family that she's been staying with, the abusive ones, started going through her things. They pulled out her diary and started going through it, then called the police on me and told them I was "Taking advantage" of her since she was "Emotionally unstable" at the time. They put a blanket no contact order on it, and now it's a court situation that I can't go into too much. The real problem is, the family member that raised her and has been so abusive for so long, tells her she's faking all of her problems. She's been diagnosed, while said family member was in the room, and that person told her to quit "faking" it and "lying" about it. She takes a fistful of pills every day for everything and gets yelled at and berated for "carrying on the act"

 

I know this isn't for me to solve alone. What I honestly believe is that we need to solve these things together and get our lives back on track how they should be. Like I said, neither of us were functional in life at all until we got together. We give each other reasons to keep trying to improve. She was fighting her depression, taking control back from the others and improving overall. I was able to pull myself out of my depression for her and give her a strong place to fall back to so she had support and love for once. With what's happened, neither of us has the support we need anymore. She doesn't have any family that's capable of helping her and most of them are abusive or refuse to have anything to do with her. My family is the only reason I haven't fallen back so far yet.

 

Oh, that's another thing, my family has been treating her like a member of the family since we started going out. Supporting her and being what a family should be. That's likely another part of why she's fallen back so far. Since she's lost contact with them and me, she's back into an abusive situation with someone that does their best to isolate her from any surrounding people. She has no friends that can help either and unfortunately, the only people that talk to her now are the guys like the one that convinced her to make the fetish site account. They act nice to her and pull her in until they can get what they want. A prime example being the one guy I mentioned. He acted supportive of her until he could convince her to start sending him nude pictures and such. She periodically pulls away from it, since it disgusts her, but her other personality is stronger a lot of the time and forces her back into it. She starts trying to convince herself that she wants it so it will hurt her less to do it, but that's when she starts a spiral of self hate and blame.

 

I know exactly what issues we both have. I know for a fact that therapy has never helped either of us. I especially know that we've both improved to a massive extent since we started going out.

 

I know I asked if I should break up with her or not. But I think I personally wanted to know more along the lines of how we can be together again and keep being there for each other.

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