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"Flaunting" relationships/love on social media


Circe

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What do you guys think about this?

 

I'm not privy to this often. Most of my friends don't do it. I am seeing it now though and I'm trying to understand it.

 

And by flaunting.. here's what I do/don't mean:

 

I don't mean

 

>The occasional lovey/dovey status update about how great your partner is on an anniversary or on their/your birthday.

> Occasional photos/status updates of the two of you out together

> Profile pics with the two of you

 

I do mean

 

> Every single day, several times a day, writing lovey dovey posts to each other on your/their public wall.

> Sending gifts to the other regularly, and then posting pictures of those gifts to FB

> Going out to restaurants together - and the regularly posting about how expensive and great the restaurant was

> Constantly posting about how hot the other person is or how other people consider them to be hot

 

What do we think of this?

 

I wouldn't do it:

a) because it's embarrassing;

b) I don't want to rub that sort of thing in other people's faces

c) I don't want other people to think I'm rubbing it in their faces

d) I'm superstitious and I think if you boast about good stuff you're about to get god smacked

 

When I see this couple doing it.. a part of me thinks.. they're just showing off, why are they so insecure? Why do they need everyone else to be aware of how happy they are - on such an extreme level?

 

But then I thought.. do we just do this in the honeymoon phase sometimes without actually trying to show off?

 

Is it always showing off - or is it that sometimes the hormones go to our heads and we don't realize how crazy we are acting?

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Well this is all revolves around FB and other social media sites and it really is all about ego boosting. i think this isn't just seen in relationships... people point completely pointless things on FB all the time to make their boring lives seem more exciting and the sad thing is we get jealous of it, I think A LOT (but not everyone) posts on FB looking for some sort of "bone" to be thrown to them hoping people are going to admire what they do. For example would why someone get 50 likes for buying a can of mountain dew?! Even this site has the option for you to give reputation, but i like the fact that it's private and doesn't appear next to the post such as reddit/FB do. Sorry got off on a tangent there but ultimately i think people do it for an ego boost to make sure everyone "approves" their relationship.

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Yeah, I understand we're all (well, most of us) seeking approval .. that's why I understand sharing to a degree. I understand it when it's done occasionally and to a degree.

 

I'm also not completely skeptical - I think to a degree we genuinely want to share the good and the bad in our lives with our friends because it helps affirm connections.. and we want to feel connected to other people.

 

But seriously - every single day, several times a day?????????????????

 

Plus - how can they not know that other people are rolling their eyes thinking it's all just a bit too much and way too show-offy? And just a little bit embarrassing now?

 

Do you think it's going to end when this couple starts to feel a bit more secure with their lives/relationship - or is this going to just be the way it is, always?

 

One party is my BIL and it's embarrassing when mutual friends make snide comments - to US - about his posting. We've tried telling him that people are commenting on it (without disclosing who commented). He asked over and over and over who said that. We refused to say. He then took it as them being jealous because they don't have the same girl/lifestyle he does.

 

When seriously dude - they do. That's not why they're commenting.. they're concerned about you and how you're making yourself appear. I told him this but he insists on believing it's jealousy.

 

Urgh. I just hope it calms down soon. I have a bad feeling it never will.

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Why do people feel the need to instagram their food? Why are selfies so prominent? Why has social media become so engrained within our lives that our President and pope uses hashtags. If you're friends with them/following them is it not implied that you are interested?

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Yeah.. I guess I'm not being clear.

 

As you say - lots of people do this - instagraming food.. selfies.. hashtags.. status updates. I get all of that. I get why it happens ..

 

But have you had an experience where .. even in this world where we are obsessed about posting about ourselves and showing off in one way or another and reaching out and revealing ourselves to others....

 

... have you had an experience where someone does it - WAY MORE than anyone else does?

 

To the point where, even to a participant of this rather self-involved social media world... it starts to get really uncomfortable?

 

Sure - other people may be interested - but is that a reason to share so much - especially when the content is so personal (like your romantic relationship)???

 

Maybe I'm not the norm - but seriously.. my friends do not share this much. They share occasionally.. but they don't post "Love you so much" "Love you" posts several times - every day - on public walls. They post pictures sometimes of flowers on a birthday... but they don't update the world about every single nice thing done for them.

 

I don't know - I think you'd have to see it to know what I'm talking about - but basically - his posts have become a talking/laughing point for several other people and it's embarrassing. I just don't get why he can't see how he might be perceived by others. Out of my "200 friends" on FB - no one else behaves this way to the point where people go to their page for entertainment purposes - to laugh at their excessive bragging.

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Hmm...yeah it is annoying. I had a co worker who bragged about her "amazing man' on FB...and the next day was complaining about him at work...lol. It's a show for the world to see.

 

I'll share my status update from today: Im having a 'chubby' day. Not a fat day, just a chubby day..gotta love hormones!' Lol....you're welcome

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That is the cutest puppy JA0371!!!

 

... It's not even annoying though - it's gotten to the point where it's FUNNY to people. People are laughing at him. It's like "lets check out the train wreck's page and see how he's showing off today".

 

I'm just interested - what is it in the psyche of these people that even when they are told they are coming off like show offs to others - they can't accept that that's what they are doing. They seem to think they are doing something Other than showing off.

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I know my SO's ex checks his page every now and then and likes every picture he is tagged in (unless it is with me) and messages him every now and then to make sure she's still on his mind. So I can't help but have a little glow of pride when we're tagged in a picture together or he tags me in a post - I know, I should be ashamed! But I absolutely cringe at the couples who are just all over each other on facebook, especially if they live together! Can't they talk about this at home?

I always feel like they're trying to prove something, which is usually the case. One of my close friends on facebook seems to be absolutely infatuated in her perfect relationship with her perfect man. However in real life he is a pain, and she more often than not wants out.

Honestly, if it gets too much I remove them from my news feed. Facebook gives people a chance to have their say, spread their message, promote themselves to a point and even to flaunt. Some people take up this offer, and the only thing we can do about it is hide/delete if we don't like it.

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Yeahh.. I guess there are people everywhere who take it to the extreme. Just, BIL happens to be the only one who does it on My list.

 

It's not even annoying to me because I know him personally and I know he is insecure. And I am actually happy for him. It's more an intellectual curiosity about what drives it. How can you be so insecure that even when someone warns you that your behavior is coming accross as bragging in an extreme way ... you still think that it makes you look good to post this stuff.

 

I'm fascinated by the level of denial.

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Sometimes there is a reason..ill give u an example..this girl i know broke up with her bf..for another guy...new guy didnt work out because he really didnt want a relationship with her(her bf doesnt know this or is in denial) so after getting turned down by the new guy, she went back to her BF...

 

now everyday like mutiple times a day she posts random BS about her bf..like OMG most amazing couple. Best boyfriend ever..nobody matters..dont hate on us if you dont know the truth..cant wait to get married...4 hours till i see him again..stuff like this everydayyyyyyyyyyyy...thing is she wants everyone to think they are the perfect couple but she comes off looking dumb and annoying...

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People in my age group, I find, by and large don't do that, so it's not really an issue to me.

 

I would say that they are really estatic that they've found their connection. They aren't responsible for the feelings of others, not when there is a "hide" button attached to the upper right corner of all posts on Facebook.

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Before Facebook I believed that people who were happy in their relationships didn't need to flaunt it/brag. After Facebook I'm just not sure if the standards have changed so that flaunting as you describe it is just basically the norm. For the record I've made two, maybe 3 posts about my family in the last 5 years on Facebook -one was to announce the birth of my child, I think one to announce my marriage and one about my child's first day of school. About once every few weeks I'll comment on someone's posts about their child with a short anecdote about mine. I don't post photos of my child or update my couple photos that are already there. This is more for privacy/safety reasons but also the reasons you described in your initial post.

 

I do send 2-3 photos of my child every few months to a group of about 15 friends/family on e-mail.

 

I don't think I'm the norm and I'd be interested to know if standards have changed maybe because of Facebook -my original point that since everyone seems to do this the idea that if you have to brag you're probably insecure about your relationship holds true (or the other way that if things are going well there's no real need to flaunt).

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Ever heard the saying that the surest sign of a good relationship is no sign of it on Facebook?

 

While I don't 100% believe that, I do always scratch my head a bit at the people that constantly post things like statuses about their SO and are over-the-top lovey dovey all the time... and wonder what they are trying to compensate for (or stake their claim on).

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But seriously - every single day, several times a day?????????????????
I can think of a few reasons.

 

1. Like that new couple who just don't get that people don't want to watch them making out in public, the people are just clueless that they're being annoying and should be doing all this Snooky-ookums stuff in private.

2. They are shallow people who are trying to get back at someone/get a rise out of someone -- exes for instance.

3. They are overcompensating for how insecure they really are that their relationship is any good (it probably isn't anywhere near as good as they are trying to make it appear)

 

Before Facebook was such a big thing (or Instagram or many of they social networking sites were popular), there was a couple who met on another board I was on. I can't remember if all the lovey-dovey stuff started before they met, or after. They were both people who were immensely lonely and the woman had psychological issues. After enduring way too much of their stuff, they were asked by a mod to cut it out or they would be banned. They were making plans to move in together (way too quickly) when it all suddenly fell apart (I can't remember why) and became the most spectacular train wreck with the woman even threatening the board owner with a lawsuit if all her posts and threads weren't deleted (which was not the policy of that site). So, I could also add to the list above that they are probably people who love drama.

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In my experience with couples like these it almost always comes crashing down. A friend of mine and her ex fit this mold perfectly...posting over the top statuses and Instagrams constantly when in reality they were breaking up every other week and now aren't even friends. It is about creating an image of what they wished the relationship was really like instead of celebrating it for what it really is.

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People can do whatever they want on FB as far as I'm concerned. I've learned not to dwell on this, because it can turn you into a bitter person. If somebody starts regularly annoying me on FB with their posts, I simply hide all their posts. I've only had to do this a couple times, mostly over constant political crap.

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My hubby and I post on eachother's walls a few times a week. Usually funny things. I check-in to cool places we are at, and put up photos of us and our son. I don't really have an "gains" - I'm proud of him, love him, and like sharing things with him. And when he happens to slave away at a meal for hours, I totally am posting it up on Facebook! He worked hard.

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My hubby and I post on eachother's walls a few times a week. Usually funny things. I check-in to cool places we are at, and put up photos of us and our son. I don't really have an "gains" - I'm proud of him, love him, and like sharing things with him. And when he happens to slave away at a meal for hours, I totally am posting it up on Facebook! He worked hard.

 

I wouldn't consider any of that "flaunting."

 

What I consider (and what I picture when people make posts like this) as flaunting or excessive behavior is daily (often multiple times daily) posts like:

 

"OMG, my babyyyy is soooooooo good to me. I love him.

 

"Me & my baby are just hanging out." tag tag tag

 

Once in a while, fine. Multiple times a day, every 5 minutes... please.

 

Posting hugs and kisses and just.... possessive type stuff all over their page. All.Over.The.Page. As in, it is literally only posts from or about their significant other.

 

Basically the virtual version of peeing on someone to mark your territory.

 

Maybe not always the case, but that is what I always picture people talking about in these posts.

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My hubby and I post on eachother's walls a few times a week. Usually funny things. I check-in to cool places we are at, and put up photos of us and our son. I don't really have an "gains" - I'm proud of him, love him, and like sharing things with him. And when he happens to slave away at a meal for hours, I totally am posting it up on Facebook! He worked hard.

 

I do the same except not for others to see on that scale. I'm very proud of my husband and his accomplishments and I share those with individuals who we're close with by phone or by e-mail from time to time. I can't relate to sharing it on Facebook (I have a few hundred Facebook contacts) because of how widespread it is and the type of impression that can give (even if the intentions are otherwise). I also am wary of posting where I am because in certain cases that tells everyone you're not at home -and you never know who else might have access to that information.

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