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Benefits of being dumped


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Being dumped when I was in a bad relationship freed up heaps of time for me to focus on work and my friendships. It also meant more happiness (way happier when Over a bad r'ship and single than when in a bad r'ship). It also opened my eyes to qualities I wanted to improve in myself and qualities I wanted from other people if they were going to be in my life.

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I no longer have to deal with someone who isn't willing to put as much effort into relationships as i am

 

gosh yes yes and bigger yes! I ran around, trying to fix everything for six months while my ex completely neglected, treated me badly, until I learned to be more assertive and found out he was lying to me the whole time. Basically, I feel so free after I learned to say good bye to my ex who did not put in any effort.

 

Gosh, I was such a fool to even put in the effort for that long. Six months, I did everything in my power to save the relationship to find out in the end, its never possible because he didn't do anything to put in his half.

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I found out who my true friends were, even the ones I had neglected for 3 years of the relationship so that they couldn't see how he truly treated me.

I learnt to love myself, standards got higher.

I learnt red flags and how to see them sooner in others, but more importantly in myself.

I learnt that clinging onto to something only made it slip quicker through my fingers.

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gives you a sense of being wronged, therefore its easier to get back up on that horse. I have been dumper and dumpee. If youre over the initial shock of being dumped, being the dumpe is way better. You can tell yourself you didnt punk out and tried everything. it was the other party who didnt want this anymore.

 

so yeah its way better to be the dumpee than the dumper

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gives you a sense of being wronged, therefore its easier to get back up on that horse. I have been dumper and dumpee. If youre over the initial shock of being dumped, being the dumpe is way better. You can tell yourself you didnt punk out and tried everything. it was the other party who didnt want this anymore.

 

so yeah its way better to be the dumpee than the dumper

 

Interesting view..

However, ten weeks after the breakup I'm the one that is still suffering while my ex is just living her life not regretting anything.

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It has allowed me to see the fruits of growth....I see now, looking back, that I can love someone fully, be completely vulnerable while at the same time taking care of my wants/needs and desires independently, but also asking my partner for what I need/want without being afraid they will run or "find our who you really are" and becoming interdependent in a healthy way...partial overlap. Ultimately she did run, but that is her issue not mine.

 

Being dumped showed me that my business model is right. That the things I was doing and am doing for my own personal development (I never stopped doing them during the 16 month R) is right. I am on the right path and do not need to change for someone else. I just need to keep growing. The model is right, I was applying it to the wrong partner.

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Interesting view..

However, ten weeks after the breakup I'm the one that is still suffering while my ex is just living her life not regretting anything.

 

Not everyone is going to get back on the horse after being dumped. I think the poster was explaining the rationality behind being wronged and how he redeemed himself, then again there are those people who just stay in a slump.

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Think about it this way...the person who dumped you doesn't recognize the value that is you. If he/she was stupid enough to let a good thing go, then that's on them. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough, it just saves you from wasting more time with someone who doesn't deserve you. I would say it's like working a job. Some people are just not the right fit for the job. You handled all the pressure, the projects, the deadlines and meetings, but your partner couldn't handle it so he/she quit. Now if someone just quit because they can't handle their part of the relationship, why would you want to hold on to that? What's so great about a person who's not the right fit for the job (relationship) and just quit?

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