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A year out.....What a difference to have my life back!!:)


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Not sure why I wanted to post, maybe just to tell people that time is the greatest foe and the greatest friend......

 

I'm a little over a year out of being dumped by her at her birthday party after 5 years together......

 

The history and sequence of events no longer matter, it's all "water under the bridge" as it is said.

 

What does matter, is that time can be ther hardest thing to deal with.....

 

The seconds, minutes, days....that barely drag by because we're obsessed with "what are they doing/thinking".....the slow chronology of us trying to figure out where we went wrong.....what we should have done differently, how we could have "fixed-things".....it all matters not anymore.

 

What does matter is once one wants out of your life, how to cut the physical pain and emotional loss of this person wanting out.......there is no easy way.

 

What I found in my experience, is that after about 3 months, when I chose to finally TRULY accept she wanted out and was gone as my "love", I found a peace I had forgotten.....

 

The first few months, I held onto false-hope, breadcrumbs and half-truths about us.

 

After reading "The Passion Paradox" by Dr. Dean Delis, I found a strength I forgot I had......I gathered up my dignity and took control of my life back. I lived my life again, started dating and put her and her lousy treatment of me in the rear-view-mirror.

 

She made a lame attempt at reconciliation at about month 6......I tried.....but saw her ambivalence re-surface and finally had to dump her.....but when I did, it didn't hurt at all.....it actually felt good because I KNEW I HAD CONTROL OF MY LIFE BACK!!!!

 

So now, over a year after a really hard breakup, I'm in a new house with a new outlook! I date girls, but do not want a GF, IMO....the return on the investment is not worth it, I'd rather simply date and not have the BS drama of being in a "relationship".....

 

I also don't want a GF as one of my dreams will finally come true next October.....

For 20 years, I've wanted out of SoFla....to get back to the beloved Blue Ridge Mountains where I spent my youth, hiking...fishing....kayaking....disappearing on my motorcycle into the woods for days, playing music in Asheville....

 

Now my kids are both in college, I can finally go.....

My Chevy 4x4 and 34' Airstream await me, my dad travelled to Alaska and back twice in the rig, and soon it will be my turn....

 

I get misty when I think about the last years of my life since I joined Ena....they haven't been good years, stuff of nightmares, but I made it thru them, and now look forward to a new adventure.....and something in me tells me that once I'm back homes in the arms of the Blue Ridge, that there is an awesome mountain girl up there.....barefoot and smiling....waiting for this prodigal son to return........

 

To all.....the months pass slowly, this I know too well as we all do.....but with each day, each month, comes a little more clarity and peace until one day it's just over.......hang in there everyone, the pain and hurt.....

it does end....

 

Jon

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Friends, it's the hardest work you'll ever do.....

 

Back in 2007 when my wife of 20 years left, I knew nothing of what I know now.....

 

It was the Ena village that saved me, taught me, and eventually armed me with what I would need a year ago when my GF bailed....

 

You have powerful weapons inside you you may not know you have, or you have forgotten how to use.....

The arsenal is right here, but many here choose not to wear the armour nor do they wield the weapons at their disposal.....

 

Many wallow in the desperation and despair of the failed relationship rather than rise up and take back their lives.....

 

I just want people to know it's a fight.....not a fight to get them back....FORGET THEM!!

It is a fight to get ones self back, one I was determined to win and one I have one!

 

Don't give up.....dig in, don't make that call...look at facebook.....send that needy text or weepy email....

 

stand strong and you will BE strong!!

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You have powerful weapons inside you you may not know you have, or you have forgotten how to use.....

The arsenal is right here, but many here choose not to wear the armour nor do they wield the weapons at their disposal.....

 

Many wallow in the desperation and despair of the failed relationship rather than rise up and take back their lives.....

 

I just want people to know it's a fight.....not a fight to get them back....FORGET THEM!!

It is a fight to get ones self back, one I was determined to win and one I have one!

 

Don't give up.....dig in, don't make that call...look at facebook.....send that needy text or weepy email....

 

stand strong and you will BE strong!!

 

Great words of wisdom Surfjon! Awesome post and stay strong my friend. I wish I was in your position to head out to the mountains. I've always wanted my "Into the Wild" time in my life...

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Excellent post, I'm so happy to hear of your recovery.

 

You did an excellent job of detailing the feelings one goes through just after a break up. Sometimes the best emotion you can feel at the end of it all isn't necessarily bliss but nothing at all (when it comes to your ex)

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This post and this comments came at the right time for me, thank you go sharing! It's a long way off for me, I know and accept this but cannot wait for the day when I can feel and share a positive post like this! Have a great time, enjoy everyday of your life, and that goes to everyone. And myself lol!

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Great news Jon, I know our stories are in the Relationship with X thread, and it's always good to hear of success stories. I myself have been through hell and back and I'm finally at a place where I'm feeling good 95% of the time. I think the only time I get a little upset is when I think about my kids, it has nothing to do with her.

 

I was able to maintain a great friendship with my ex however, and I think it's best for our kids. Like I've told my ex, I forgive her but I will never forget. We too tried the reconciliation, but when I saw that her heart wasn't truly in it I divorced her. I know that for me, at age 47, I'm physically in the best shape of my life.

 

I kept my house and I'm looking forward to removing everything and making it all mine. It's a great feeling to be able to wake up everyday without that anxiety in your stomach. My kids are doing great and really, what else matters?

 

Again, glad to hear you're doing great Jon!

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Even though I'm not in that dark place any longer, but having had tread that long terrible road in the past, it still makes me feel happy to know other people have found their way out. Congratulations to you Surfjon.

 

You mentioned how a lot of people don't use the "weapons or armor" they posses to pick themselves up and move forward. But I don't think it's a choice on their part. I think a lot people just have no idea what's happening inside them, or how to deal with it. They need to discover and learn how to use those tools before they can decide to use them or not. Simply being told "pick yourself up and move forward" isn't enough, a lot of the time.

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Thanks all!! Lots of veterans speaking out, and I hate seeing all the new faces....but here we are.....

 

Nick.....I'm pretty close with the ex-wife, we have 2 kids so we gotta be civil and focused on them even though they are grown....

 

FreeFall....I understand your point, I didn't see it either after my ex-wife split, but I did notice the majority of folks feeding me proven advice that I eventually put into practice.....

When my recent GF left after the 5 years, I knew what would go down and exactly what to do....upon reading "The Passion Paradox", I knew even more and it should be read by everyone on this site.....

 

MCJD! Hows things? Don't see ya here much anymore so things must be lookin up!

 

Thanks all, peace to all who still suffer.........

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