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Confusing situation/Is it too far gone?


dirtchewer

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I'm just looking for opinions and insight into the situation I'm in. I think its gona be pretty long, sorry about that. I'm an 18 year old male if it matters.

 

So my girlfriend and I had been dating wonderfully for nine months. Like most couples we were so in love. We both knew we were meant to be. We never fought, never disagreed about anything, and had only ever had one hicup. We wanted the same things in life and we were both headed down the same path. We both knew we wanted to marry each other and there was nothing stopping us from doing it too. And I know most couples (especially ones in my age group) make those promises but we had both made them before but we could feel it was different this time. Even my mother thought we were gona last, so I don't believe it was a silly thing for us to think.

 

She has had a a very rough life and she always told me I was perfect and that she was so glad to finally have something good in her life. I was her everything. She always talked about how she would never leave me and couldnt if she wanted to. I could write a page of just our feelings towards each other but just trust that we had very strong and healthy relationship.

 

Anyway about a month ago (January sixth) she broke up with me, a week and a half after i gave her "the best Christmas shes ever had". She didn't want to. I mentioned earlier that she has had a rough life, well her parents have been abusive to her for a long time. I won't get into it but I had been her crying shoulder all along and I heard about every little thing they did to her. Needless to say seeing someone you care about more than yourself be treated awfully by their own parents is emotionally taxing and it made me resent her parents. But I played the game and I was super polite to them and never gave them any reason to dislike me. However, I spoke against them to her in private. I told her to move out wen she could, live on campus, tell the police, ect. I couldn't stand seeing her so sad because of them.

 

Two days before she dumped me my girlfriend texted me saying that her parents said that she can't see or talk to me at all anymore because her mother saw a text I sent telling her to move out. I figured it'd be ok seeing as something similar had happened before (that was the hicup i mentioned) but her parents got over it that time. On the sixth after school she calls me crying dropping hints that she wants out but she did finished it over text So I was pretty heartbroken, frantic, and confused and i didn't follow the no contact rule at all (i didn't know about it). Lots of messages, begging for her to talk to me, ect. and at this point I didn't think it was that big of a deal because I knew she didn't wana break up (she told me). A few days of that passed and she asked me for space. I tried so hard to but I kept crawling back to her.

 

Anyways I continued to make myself look totally desperate and broken without her and kept talking to her for a while and she gradually seemed to be drifting away from me which made me more frantic. I didn't realize until after she lashed out at me telling me how disrespected she felt and how i don't listen to her at all why she was drifting away. Now shes telling me that she just wants to be friends and that if i bring us up again shes blocking me, which i haven't, I learned my lesson. I don't want to be friends though, I want her back but after a great deal of research I've found out I've done everything wrong and I'm afraid it might be too far gone. To make matters worse her dad just found out he has cancer and I think that kinda sealed the deal because she has "enough on her plate already".

 

Is it a lost cause? Could me simply not giving her space make her lose her feelings for me? How should I go about trying to get her back? Should I make her jealous? how can I tell if she still has feelings for me? If you guys could help me figure those questions out it'd be great. I feel pretty lost and heartbroken without her and I just want her back. Thanks

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Stop all contact immediately and get on with your life. She told you "I just want to be friends." Well, there you go. You said you don't want to be friends, well, that's not your choice in this situation. All your chasing and pleading is going to just push you away from her even further.

 

Trust me, just leave her alone and live your life. If she wants you back in her life she'll let you know.

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Personally, it sounds like her life is a mess.

 

Her parents pressuring her and brainwashing her at the beginning of her mixed feelings could have had something to do with her coldness towards you.

 

If you never did anything to her then trust me you can't do ANYTHING to make her come back. She may realize, she may not. If she asked for space I suggest you give it to her. Don't pry, let her deal with her personal issues and maybe talk to her after a period of no contact.

 

I would give you the same "live your life move on speech" But trust me it will happen in time and without you forcing yourself too. Move on when you're ready to move on, live and pick yourself back up after you've felt what you need to feel, but don't let it define you. I do agree with letting her be, respect her wishes. I'm sorry this happened to you

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I agree with mike 7788... moving on is easier said than done so just let it happen naturally. The coming days may be a bit tough, just be strong, fight to get your life back even it means not having your ex by your side, and one day you will just wake up , with that feeling of heaviness gone. Don't hang on too much on your failed relationship, it is the girl who wanted out, so if she wants you back she will make the move. Give her the space she wants, because sometimes absence will really make the heart grow fonder. Meanwhile, focus on picking up the pieces, focus on your studies, or work if you already have a career, spend more time with friends, dont sulk in just one corner of the room. Live each moment, one day at a time, pretty soon I know you will be ready to love again. Goodluck

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