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Had sex too soon? Now friend-zoned?


buddy1234

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After the 3rd date, we had sex. She is 46 and Chinese, having lived in the west for 14 years.

 

It was strange that she was willing to have sex but she did not want to kiss me. I've never experienced anything like that before. Is this a red-flag?

 

Since we had sex she has cancelled a second invite to my house, preferring to spend time together doing outdoor activities that we both enjoy in common. She texted tonight to explain that "it doesn't feel right to stay at yours at this stage".

 

My best take on this is that she regrets us having sex, so she is hoping that we can find a connection in other ways first. What I don't want to happen is to be friend-zoned - that she could be trying to turn this into just a platonic friendship rather than a romantic/sexual relationship.

 

Do you think I'm right to still give it a chance? And, is there a cultural reason for Chinese women to not want to kiss but still willing to have sex?

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Ha, yes it is weird. I assume you mean her not wanting to kiss? Or was it the not wanting to be intimate any more after being intimate the once? I did ask her why she didn't like to kiss and she said she can only kiss when she has a feeling of love for a person.

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Yes, GinNJuice, I think you're right about the baggage as after we had sex she was telling me that she has never been in love before. But she thinks she might have been in love with her last ex that she split up with two months ago and that he was the most attractive guy she has ever dated. But she also said that he wasn't right for her because he just wanted to stay in, didn't take her out or share activities. This is why she says she's looking for someone to do things with as a priority.

 

But I'm losing the heart to continue to be honest... I may just give it one final date.

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And, is there a cultural reason for Chinese women to not want to kiss but still willing to have sex?

I've had sex with a Chinese woman and we only first kissed during foreplay, before the first time we had sex. I'd put that reason down to being a more FWB situation rather than cultural reasons as that's happened before and not just with one person of a particular culture.

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Sounds like she is playing games, women will always do this when they think they got you, then they will act desperate when they realize you are done with the BS. Move on now before you waste any more time feeding her ego. It is less about sex and more about games and ego, she knows that she won't have to 'put out' again for as long as she knows you are interested . . . Just drop her like a bad habit man, it happens, move on.

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It's a WELL KNOWN FACT...that some people find kissing to be more intimate than sex! I sorta am one of them...well not sex exactly....but maybe bj's...lol!

 

To me, swapping spit is VERY personal, that is why i don't kiss just anyone! hehehehe...sounds as if i'll just give a bj to anyone...not.

 

I can see if she gave in and had sex...and then the next day she felt bad about it! She is an older woman...and becoming EMOTIONALLY involved before becoming PHYSICALLY involved is more important to us.....

 

I too prefer to do active things...hiking, biking...or movies....rather than just hitting the sack all the time...AND NOTHING ELSE!

 

Just take it at face value. She finds kissing to be too intimate, for someone she's not emotionally connected to yet!

 

What do you do??? Let me ask you this, do you like her? How old are you? What is wrong with taking her to movies, walking, etc....hold her hand, flirt with her...that is called 'wooing' her! Geez you guys, you think all you have to do is LOOK at a woman, and she instantly wants to fall into your bed and have sex??? Well...maybe some do, but for the other's...It's called MAKING LOVE TO HER MIND! Before you can make love to her BODY!

 

 

The sooner you guys figure this out...the better off you all will be!!!!

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Delacrank....a 46 year old woman's head is in an entirely different place than a 28 year old young guy!!! Trust me on that.....

 

EDIT: btw...i meant to put in the first post of mine an example of kissing to be more intimate than sex.

 

Hookers normally don't kiss.

 

My bro used a couple of $400 an hour escorts.....did everything BUT kiss!

When i first read the OP's heading...i automatically thought...HOOKER.

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I think you're right about the baggage as after we had sex she was telling me that she has never been in love before. But she thinks she might have been in love with her last ex that she split up with two months ago and that he was the most attractive guy she has ever dated. But she also said that he wasn't right for her because he just wanted to stay in, didn't take her out or share activities. This is why she says she's looking for someone to do things with as a priority.

 

But I'm losing the heart to continue to be honest... I may just give it one final date.

 

Okay, so based on what i am reading here, there is a 46 year old women who has never been in love and also refuses to kiss but having sex is totally okay? And its a well known fact that kissing is more intimate than sex? So, i'll just tell that to my 18 year old sister that kissing a guy on the lips is more intimate that having sex with him, maybe she should just save her lips for last because they are the most sacred part of her entire body.

 

Then, should i also assume, that age should really be relevant in this situation? Should i also assume that women at 28 prefer being kept in a house having sex all day and women at 46 don't, i really don't see how age is relevant in this situation at all. People are people reguardless of age, i would have given the poster the same advice if this women was 17 or 77. A man can make love to a women's mind, that is all fine and dandy but i really don't see what this has to do with the fact that:

 

A. she doesn't want to kiss on the lips inspite of the fact that they have been on 3 dates and had intercourse.

 

B. brining up issues with eX meaning that she still isn't over him

 

C. never been in love, probably scared to take chances and being in a commited relationship (no wonder she is still single at this age).

 

Take realitynut's advice and have your balls in a vice, could be months invested into a women who is just not willing to open up for whatever reason.

 

It's a WELL KNOWN FACT...that some people find kissing to be more intimate than sex! I sorta am one of them...well not sex exactly....but maybe bj's...lol!

 

What do you do??? Let me ask you this, do you like her? How old are you? What is wrong with taking her to movies, walking, etc....hold her hand, flirt with her...that is called 'wooing' her! Geez you guys, you think all you have to do is LOOK at a woman, and she instantly wants to fall into your bed and have sex??? Well...maybe some do, but for the other's...It's called MAKING LOVE TO HER MIND! Before you can make love to her BODY!

 

 

The sooner you guys figure this out...the better off you all will be!!!!

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Maybe she regretted the fact that she slept with you so soon. Maybe she's afraid that you'll start acting like her ex and want to stay in all the time. Maybe she didn't like sex with you. Lots of maybe's but, considering you've only been on 3 dates, I'd say go on a couple more dates with her.

About the kiss thing, it is strange. Sure, kissing is intimate but so is exchanging bodily fluids. She wasn't drunk when you had sex, by any chance, was she?

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