Jump to content

Screwed Up in a MAJOR way, need all the help I can get please (long story)


paralyzed

Recommended Posts

I apologize in advance for the long story.

 

My ex and I dated for about a year.

 

We are different religions, and that was always in the back of our minds, but we made each other SO happy that it didn't matter.

 

Our relationship was very good in many ways. We would go out and enjoy life, went on a trip to the beach for a week, and would constantly have amazing sex. We text each other all day, and truly made each other feel the presence of someone who loves us in our lives.

 

But I should also mention that I kept doing little things to push her away, like force her to return gifts that she got for me. I felt like since we were going to break up I wasn't good enough to accept these gifts. I refused to see her on my birthday. I would get upset at little things all of the time instead of letting them go. I made her feel bad about drinking with her friends. Other little things that didn't seem to big at the time, but seem like they made an impact in hindsight.

 

She eventually got tired of being pushed away, and broke up with me in January.

 

I went NC for 1 week. I called her a week later, and didn't realize she was hungover at the time. The beginning of the conversation went great, but when I asked to see her she refused. So I started pouring my heart out and crying over the phone. BIG MISTAKE. She blew up at me and said we could never be together again. She said she wanted to be independent, and not in ANY relationship. She wanted to go out and be crazy, and flirt with other guys, and enjoy her last semester of school unattached. I told her I couldn't be friends with her on Facebook anymore, and that I couldn't talk to her anymore if that's how she felt. (BIGGER MISTAKE). She blocked me on Facebook immediately, blocked my number, and hung up after calling me dramatic and saying that I was making a bigger deal out of our relationship than it really was.

 

Fast forward 1 more week of NC. I get in a car accident. I realize that she's the most important thing in the world to me. I go to surprise her with a day in the park with flowers and other gifts. When I get to her dorm, I find her kissing another guy. A white guy. She is freaked out and asks me to wait while she asks this guy to leave. I am so freaked that I actually block out the kiss from my mind. She doesn't want me to see this guy at all. After he leaves, we talk for about an hour. She tells me she is very excited and happy with him, and that he is the exact opposite of me, and that she met him a few months ago at the gym, but didn't reach out to him romantically until the week we broke up.

 

I wanted to tell her about the clarity I reached about the relationship, how I kept pushing her away. How putting a deadline was a mistake. How religion is not as important to me as having her in my life.

 

She is constantly distracted by her cellphone and did not open up to me at all. She acted completely apathetic towards me. She made and excuse about having to leave after an hour, gave me a hug, and told me to take back my gifts. But agreed to work on a friendship.

 

I called her on the way home, asked her if she had kissed this guy. She said she did and I blew up! It broke me like nothing else in my life as the vision of them together flooded my brain. I completely lost control over myself and my grip on reality.

 

In my panic attack, I said some very horrible things and emotionally blackmailed her.

 

She got completely freaked out and told me she hated me, wanted me to die a horrible death, and never wants to see me again.

 

She called the police that night that I was emotionally abusing and threatening her. They gave me a warning.

 

I sent her an email (although not a very good one) 4 days after apologizing and asking for her to forgive me someday and not hate me. She did not respond.

 

At this point I feel awful that she jumped into a rebound SO quickly after we broke up. She kissed this guy less than 2 weeks after we broke up. I also feel TERRIBLE about mentally torturing her and hurting her so badly. A mutual friend told me that she is extremely scared of me, and has been changing the passwords of everything because she thinks I might be trying to ruin her life. Lastly, she has convinced herself that if I try to contact her again she will get a restraining order for harassment.

 

My question is, did I ruin everything in my anger in the heat of the moment, or is there ANY chance to reconcile???? Did she develop feelings for this guy before she broke up with me?

 

 

TL : DR

The love of my life left me. I tried to get her back and found her kissing another guy. I blew up over the phone and emotionally her. She is scared of me. Can I get her back?

 

 

THANK YOU

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dude, you killed this relationship a long time ago with all your anger, insecurities and abusive behavior toward her over time. Since it was a relationship that was going nowhere, the day you both realized it, you should have let each other go. You pushed things to the point where she had to report you to the cops. STOP. Enough is enough. Stop contacting her, stop being abusive and vindictive. Leave her family out of this. If you keep going, you'll find yourself in jail.

 

By the way, what she is doing and with whom is really none of your business. She is not your property and she is free to do with her life as she pleases. Of course she moved on - you have been doing a brilliant job of ensuring that with your crazy, abusive, controlling behavior toward her. Get help for yourself and your mental/anger issues. I'll say it again, leave her alone. She deserves so much better in life than having to deal with an abusive, vindictive ex. She has lost all respect and regard for you a long time ago and rightfully so.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think I killed it a long time ago, but I think I was slowly pushing her away. And even though I wanted to stop, my insecurities didn't let me. She also had the option of getting rid of the timeline, and she NEVER did.

 

I agree that I have issues that I need to work through, but I think they were more issues of circumstance due to the major change in life rather than me being a bad person.

 

We all have a good, bad, and ugly side. She saw my good side the entire year. For the last 3 months she saw parts of the bad. And for the last month she saw the ugly. In love aren't we supposed to accept all 3 sides of a person??

 

I should mention that I treated her well. We never yelled or cursed at each other. I appreciated her opinions. I helped her through tough times. We never physically or verbally abused each other. We didn't cheat on each other (she might have now, but I don't think so). I never watched pornography with her. I always respected her wishes sexually.

 

I truly love this person, and I never want to hurt her again. Yes, I emotionally snapped and went off the deep end, and I acted psychotic and crazy....but wouldn't anyone go a little crazy if they saw the person they love kissing someone else in front of them 2 weeks after breaking up, and after going through a traumatic car accident less 24 hours earlier??

 

I'm not trying to justify what I did, it crossed every line and was COMPLETELY WRONG. But does losing your composure and sanity once in a year of good mean everything you feel for them is fake?

 

I don't plan on contacting her any time soon, I want to respect her wish for space and time. But I want to know if time will heal her wounds, if she'll remember the good times (which heavily outweigh the bad), and if she'll see me in a neutral, if not positive, way in the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think I killed it a long time ago, but I think I was slowly pushing her away. And even though I wanted to stop, my insecurities didn't let me. She also had the option of getting rid of the timeline, and she NEVER did.

 

Yes you did kill the relationship by acting out the way you did. Trust me on this one. She may have put up with it for a long time, but ultimately it killed whatever she had ever felt for you. Your last actions were just the final nail in the coffin.

 

I agree that I have issues that I need to work through, but I think they were more issues of circumstance due to the major change in life rather than me being a bad person.

 

Issues are issues. It's not changed circumstances it's how you react to them - the reaction has been inside you all along, the circumstances just made it come to the surface.

 

We all have a good, bad, and ugly side. She saw my good side the entire year. For the last 3 months she saw parts of the bad. And for the last month she saw the ugly. In love aren't we supposed to accept all 3 sides of a person??

 

No sorry, but just no. Love is not a fairy tale and it is not unconditional. In fact, in reality love is very much conditional and there are definitely limits on what bad or ugly people should and shouldn't tolerate. Abusive, vindictive behavior definitely falls into the category of not tolerated and once is one time too many.

 

I should mention that I treated her well. We never yelled or cursed at each other. I appreciated her opinions. I helped her through tough times. We never physically or verbally abused each other. We didn't cheat on each other (she might have now, but I don't think so). I never watched pornography with her. I always respected her wishes sexually.

 

...ummm...you are broken up. She is free to do whatever with whoever she wants. I don't know where you get this idea that she might be "cheating" now. Anything she does is not cheating, it's moving on with her life. You do not own her and you need to stop deluding yourself.

 

I truly love this person, and I never want to hurt her again. Yes, I emotionally snapped and went off the deep end, and I acted psychotic and crazy....but wouldn't anyone go a little crazy if they saw the person they love kissing someone else in front of them 2 weeks after breaking up, and after going through a traumatic car accident less 24 hours earlier??

 

If that's true then you better let her go and be happy that for her that she has a better life without you and your brand of crazy in it. Also, no, there is no excuse for your behavior.

 

I'm not trying to justify what I did, it crossed every line and was COMPLETELY WRONG. But does losing your composure and sanity once in a year of good mean everything you feel for them is fake?

 

See above, yes you are very much excusing your behavior with blaming circumstances, claiming that anyone in your position, blah blah blah.... The fact of the matter is only you control how you react and handle thing and behave overall. Nobody is responsible for that but you. Your love is a very selfish kind of love.

 

I don't plan on contacting her any time soon, I want to respect her wish for space and time. But I want to know if time will heal her wounds, if she'll remember the good times (which heavily outweigh the bad), and if she'll see me in a neutral, if not positive, way in the future.

 

You need to stop even thinking about contacting her ever again. Chalk this up to a hard lesson learned and spend some serious time working on yourself. Sure, she wont' forget the good times, but she also has sense enough to call the cops and boot you out of her life. She won't be stupid enough to ever have you back and frankly, I doubt very much she would ever want to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...