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2 months since break up but only a week of NC, emotions are all over the place


bison67

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So the breakup was december 9th. Rocked my world and flipped it upside down, been feeling like since and im very depressed everyday. She was my first true love. We emailed a bit over xmas but we didnt talk for about 6 weeks until she called me one night to see how im doing, we chatted for 3 hours, she has a new "" buddy guy and all that crap. Hurt to hear and crushed my world. Well we decided to hangout and take things slow as friends and see where things would go cause she enjoyed my support and i enjoyed hers. It was really hard for me though to be just friends with her while she was ing another guy (nothing serious though) she would tell me she isnt ready for a relationship again after i hurt her and she needed time to heal. So last friday i take her out for her birthday dinner, things go well at dinner but some akward conversation happened and it felt off as she seemed disinterested in my pressence. She wanted to take things slow and said that maybe in a month we can start getting physical again if it feels right. So after dinner we go back to my place, and she asks if i want to hook up i said sure, she then said we can but it wont mean anything to me emotiionally. So we start kissing and stuff and after about 5 minutes she just breaks down in tears.... Saying how she just feels like an object to me and why i cant just be friends for now and wait on the sex. Im really upset now cause i hurt her again and i begin to have a nervous breakdown that lasts all night and i basically scare the out of her and my dad had to come calm me down and talk to us both. The conclusion being that she could no longer be in my life cause it hurt to much just being a friend while another guy got the physical fun with her (ty situation right). As she walked out of my place and what feels like my life forever it was so painful i broke down even more. I love this girl so much it hurts...The next day i send an email apologizing and she responds with dont talk to me for awhile and just work on yourself. Then i find out she is texting my dad asking for updates on how im doing periodically (so she still cares). Well anyways its been 9 days since my last form of contact with her, lots of ups and downs, sometimes im fine, sometimes i just wanna cry and hold her and stuff. I miss her so badly but i know i have to move on.... But part of me is still dreaming of getting her back one day, i do believe she is my soulmate cause we get along so well when we were dating. Just such a confusing time right now cause i miss her in my life so much, it was a better life with her involved without a doubt. Im not gonna make any effort to contact her ever again, do you guys think she will ever contact me?

 

 

In the meantime im dating girls, being healthy, working out alot, being with friends, all that good stuff. Problem is she is on my mind 24/7, first thing i think about when i wake up, last things before i fall asleep.

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Wait a minute.... you went out with her last Friday? You mean 3 days ago?

 

I thought you had decided to walk away and go NC for good?

 

And how is it "in the meantime" you're dating other girls, being healthy etc. -- didn't this just happen 3 days ago?

 

I'm confused about the timeline, obviously, given your other threads....

 

BUT I will say this: if you only just broke up AGAIN on Friday, of course she'd still be on your mind 24 / 7. I mean, what do you expect -- that you think like a goldfish and forget her five minutes after you break up? Three days ago is..... 72 HOURS. That's nothing! Why would you expect yourself to be farther along in your healing when you only just saw her?

 

If you want to really heal and get over her, you need to go No Contact and stick to it. Here's a guide that will help you out in these early days: link removed

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My ex & I broke up 2 months ago as well. Saw each other twice since we ended it . .At first, we still flirted back and forth via text but I think, at this point, he doesn't want to be bothered anymore bc I still contacted him as if we were still together... I'm still having a hard time not contacting him, thinking about him, etc. I feel like my mind is in circles. Try to focus on other things but unfortunately, multi tasking is one of my best skills so being able "multi-think" doesn't help

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It was 2 fridays ago, when we were trying to be friends and go slow with each other, its been the last 8 or 9 days that have had my head all over the place. We broke contact january 24th after my breakdown cause i couldnt deal with being friends for now with her while she slept with another guy.

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Two Fridays ago is.... two weeks ago. January 24th was.... 10 days ago. You say it's been 8 or 9 days since your "head is all over the place"? Of course it is: YOU JUST BROKE UP!

 

Give yourself a break. It takes time -- certainly more than a week or two -- but in time you WILL start to feel better.

 

Do you REALLY expect to be over anyone that quickly? Like I said above: you're NOT a goldfish, so stop expecting yourself to be over someone the minute they leave the room!

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My ex & I broke up 2 months ago as well. Saw each other twice since we ended it . .At first, we still flirted back and forth via text but I think, at this point, he doesn't want to be bothered anymore bc I still contacted him as if we were still together... I'm still having a hard time not contacting him, thinking about him, etc. I feel like my mind is in circles. Try to focus on other things but unfortunately, multi tasking is one of my best skills so being able "multi-think" doesn't help

 

completey understand this Also broke up 2 months ago and I have done exactly the same.

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I've been following your threads and it sounded like you were trying to work things out until VERY recently.

 

Honor that timeline, because that's closer to the truth of where you are in this, emotionally.

 

This is so true - I had not realised this until I spoke to a friend the other day and she said that he really only opened up to you 2 weeks ago when you met a talked things through. So the timeline for healing is from that point......

Does not make it any easier though!

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Im just so emotionally all over the place the past few days, like part of me wants to move on, but every night i dream of us getting back together and wake up into the reality of that not being so.... I really do love this girl so much, the first 5 or so days of NC i was alright knowing i had to move on and continue to work on myself as well as she needed that as well. But deep down i am still really hoping for a reconciliation in the future and cant get that though off my mind cause i want it so badly. I just feel like i blew my golden chance with her when she said she wanted to be "just friends for now" and take things slow and see where they go, then i had a huge mental breakdown in front of her that may have ruined it all... Havent seen her since January 24th or heard from her just sent a very long apologetic email ending with i hope we can see each other in the future. I plan on staying NC till she reaches out to me, the only scary thought is what if she never does? I know her being in my dreams every single night in the same way is saying something of what my subconcious is craving. I need to start talking to another therapist about this.... I feel like i cant move forward cause i want her so badly and know she is the "one" thats what im 100% sure of.

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completey understand this Also broke up 2 months ago and I have done exactly the same.

 

Its painful because I know both of those times, he was trying to come back but I made it difficult & now I have pushed him even further away. It will take some time but know it will get better. Heart break is just like a broken bone or wound - at first it is so painful but the moment you decide to stop staring at it, walking on it, etc. . you won't notice the pain as much & slowly starts to feel better until its healed.. (not to be so corny but its true)

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The problem is what i cant get of my mind is the deep desire and hope that she will reconcile in the future after a few months off from each other, i really do feel it is possible. I know its smarter to move on but i really enjoyed this girl in my life and have very strong feelings, she comes to me in reconcilation every night in my dreams and its a euphoric feeling! than waking up is incredibly depressing. I just want it so bad in the future and im willing to wait months to see if it happens! still gonna date and meet new people and work on myself in the meantime, but reconcilation is my lofty goal that makes me happy.

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Right now you think that just because you can't stop thinking about her, it means that she's "the one"... or you're meant to be... or that this isn't the end of the relationship. But that's not true. It only means you haven't been broken up long enough to accept it and recover. And at just a week or two -- why would you be over it??

 

Breaking up IS depressing. The way that girl dumped you.... and used you.... is depressing. SHE is the only depressing element in your life.

 

But guess what? You have A WHOLE NEW LIFE waiting for you without this garbage in it! But that takes time. And you need to learn that time.... takes time.

 

Please don't go dating other people while you're still in love with your ex. Give yourself some time to recover. Don't bring other people into your drama who might be hurt. Basically ANY woman who's unfortunate enough to care about you right now is going to get hurt.

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Ya i know its hard as we have been broken up for 2 months but im only 10 days into NC and truly healing now, still part of me doesnt want to move on yet and is just focusing on trying to work on myself for awhile so i can reconcile with her next time i see her, and im pretty sure she will contact me at some point in the future, i was to involved into her life not to, a few days ago she texted my father asking him to give her updates on how i am doing and if im doing ok since my break down 10 days ago (wound up in the hospital) so i know she cares to some degree. She told me to just focus on myself for now and we will see what happens with us in the future as she has isuues to work on now and isnt ready for a relationship quite yet. Dont worry im not gonna use girls for attention or acceptence as i am not a monster. I guess time will tell, but i dont know how to move on when i know that we could be together and i know itll be better then even, even she knows that but just isnt ready to commit to anyone after what i did and took her for granted.

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Yes, she cares to this degree: she'll have sex with another man, while snuggling up with you and telling you she *isn't ready for sex with you just yet*....

 

Please, don't try to justify the way she's treated you. It's disgusting. This isn't about her "issues".... it's about HER, using YOU as an emotional safety net while at the same time having sex with other guys.

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Which was made hanging out with her impossible, cause if we were having sex again we would be 100% together again. Which she wasnt ready for, but it was unfair to keep me trying to get the relationship back while she slept with another guy, torture for me. Had to be all or nothing, doesnt mean my feelings just disappear right now.... I dont know if or when they ever will...

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And i know those will fade with time and NC as i heal and grow, just everyday is so hard right now as im suffering from extreme anxiety, dreams with her, restlessness, feeling shaky, somewhat suicidal thoughts, feeling jumpy, scared for no reason, no appetite, nothing excites me or makes me happy like it used to. And it all stems from the break up cause i never had any of these symptons until the breakup, not sure what to do as every single day is a struggle and i dont feel myself and it scares the hell out of me, i hate looking back to 3-4 months ago and how great and happy i was yet acted unhappy for no reason, stupid me.... Life seems so much better then, i want it to get better now, i need it to

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I think your story is very similar to mine in some places.

 

She doesn't think you good enough now. Better to move on until she solves whatever buggers her, but not on your cost. It doesn't always include another man.

More importantly, it doesn't necessarily mean you worse than the next man, but that proves only that she's worthless.

 

Stick to NC and heal.

 

NC preserves whatever sexual tension there was.

If that is present, relationship is not over in many cases.

But you can't loose. It is either her or new woman better than her.

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erklat, thank you very much for the kind words, your very right im to good of a guy to be pushed around and be a second choice, its her issue and not mine, gotta keep moving on like i am and see what the future holds, i could meet the miss right at any given moment. Wether its her or someone better i have to stay NC now and heal as a human and take this as a learning experience and grow as a man and handle my next relationship better. One day at a time. I have already grown so much and i am acting like a much better man then i was 2 months ago towards friends, family, and the opposite sex, everything happens for a reason. Boston Marathon here i come!

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Is it Normal to be missing ex like crazy this early into NC, first thing i think of waking up, all day, going to bed, wondering who/where she is going out at night? Just overly dominating thoughts really, and lots of dreams and thought of reconciliation in the future.

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Is it Normal to be missing ex like crazy this early into NC, first thing i think of waking up, all day, going to bed, wondering who/where she is going out at night? Just overly dominating thoughts really, and lots of dreams and thought of reconciliation in the future.

 

Yes, it's COMPLETELY normal. It will pass.

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