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Date with guy with mental health issues?


cryingalways

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I went on a date with someone I met online yesterday (something I've never done) and the guy was nice looking, kind to animals, had a nice voice etc etc. But I think there's something a bit wrong with him. I mean, I think he has mental health problems.

 

I actually hinted at this with him and he didn't mind talking about it and told me he had a bit of a break down after meeting his mother for the first time and she was not what he expected basically. He also said he spent his childhood seeing therapists. The thing is he just seemed nervous, obsessed with some stuff a bit too much, edgy sometimes and his thoughts didn't make too much sense. This is probably because he doesn't spend much time with anyone, he said he doesn't socialise much.

 

But whenever I brought up how his thoughts were not making sense he wasn't angry or anything, he saw what I was saying and would apologise.

 

It's a shame because when I met him first off I thought "He's lovely!" it was just when these little things crept up. And I don't want to be with someone I'm sort of looking after a bit. I am good at it! I have a sibling with mental health problems. But I do not wish for my boyfriend to be like this.

 

Is it best I just cut ties with this guy?

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>The thing is he just seemed nervous, obsessed with some stuff a bit too much, edgy sometimes and his thoughts didn't make too much sense.

 

Careful here. Intuition is your friend. Someone whose 'thoughts don't make sense' is usually either someone on drugs, or someone who might well be psychotic/schizophrenic and not entirely connected with reality.

 

You don't want to endanger yourself just because the guy says he likes animals and has a nice voice. Ted Bundy was a handsome charmer, and he still killed quite a few women.

 

If your institution is telling you something is off there, listen to it. Many schizophrenics do function with medication, but if his thoughts are disordered, that could be a sign he's off his meds and could be dangerous.

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I think I know the answer really. I shouldn't get involved with him. Also, I'm not over my ex. And my ex was abusive so I am very wary of getting involved with someone who will be bad for me. I wasn't thinking about my ex on the date though, I was too concerned with this peculiar guy.

 

Yeah I was thinking whilst I was sat with him how strange it is when someone appears so normal and nice that you don't presume they will have any issues like this at first.

 

I felt for him, because I am quite caring, but I need to look after myself first and if this guy has his own issues going on it would worry me to date him. I've had enough trauma from my ex.

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Yes, be very careful. You could be easily susceptible to co-dependent relationships after your sister, ex, etc. This guy would clearly need someone to "lift him up" and you can see, from a logical standpoint, that that can't be your role in a relationship. I would be very cautious because today it might be easy enough to walk away and change your pattern...but in a few months of continued dating, you might think "well, I really love his other qualities, so I can't break it off"...and that's how it starts.

My advice is to walk away.

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Do you mean if his mood changes towards me in general or do you mean when I tell him I cannot see him again? Both would be very bad I worry. I felt like he would have moments, especially at the start, when he would have this look that to me signalled DANGER. An intense look. I know the intense look from both my brother and my ex. I don't want that look being directed at me no.

 

I've also strangely spent today getting weepy about my ex so that's not a good sign either.

 

It is indeed very hard to get over someone who you loved and completely let yourself love and then to be treated so badly too. It has done a number on me for sure. I often feel like I don't know what I'm doing because we were so committed to each other and saw a future together all the time. I can tell you I felt like his wife and we weren't even married. I wish I didn't miss him. He made me so happy sometimes but then so utterly terrible too. Maybe my ex has mental problems too. I don't know what the deal was with him. Other than he was not very nice to me for no reason whatsoever and that is a dangerous person to be around. Even if they do treat you nice sometimes. I want to be married and thinking about children in the future but I am so far from that happening it isn't true. But I am a nice girl. I don't know why I never get anywhere close.

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Don't just walk away, RUN!

Deep mental issues and a "functioning" alcoholic? As sad as his situation is, I would never recommend to anybody to get involved with him. I realize you want to be in a relationship, but I suggest you spend more time on your own (at least until you heal yourself from your own breakup) and only then go back to the dating pool. And when you do, do yourself a favor and stay away from guys like this one, unless you like drama and roller coaster emotions and who knows what else.

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Yes I think I should keep my distance.

I know I'm not over my ex but I just thought a couple dates or whatever would be good for me. I don't get out very much, I have hardly any life and chances of me meeting someone are very low. I have also noticed that it does help to move on when you meet someone nice who is interested in you. I can't just hide away sad forever until I am over my ex. It will not work like that. And my friends are busy a lot of the time and I just want to get out and do things. I do do this alone but it's just nice to talk to someone.

 

I've been trying to cheer myself up today and got some flowers and applied for some jobs. But I'm lonely. I wish I could stop feeling in pain. I just want something to take it away. And meeting new people does help with that. This guy is clearly not someone I will see again now I've properly thought it through though.

 

I just feel like my life is so so empty. I hate myself for it too. I'm probably still blaming myself like my ex blamed me for everything...when I was younger I could just hang out with friends, there would always be a party or something. Now I'm just alone, at my mum's, with no career and my friends are all busy with their lives or their boyfriends/girlfriends. It is very very depressing.

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I'm starting to have bad thoughts like my ex maybe had a point of finding me annoying for being worried a lot...but I was only so worried because he made me worried, I never knew when he would explode at me again so I would be anxious sometimes. And he broke up with me once before and "threatened" to a couple of times, so it's no wonder I was anxious right? I feel so useless and pointless since he left me and put me down for so long, worse and worse. I don't seem to be very strong today. I don't think I'll ever understand why someone could do this to another person,especially someone who loves them and they supposably love

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It is not safe to date others when you feel lonely. You increase your chances of attracting users and sychophants. These type of people are attracted to people who are emotionally vulnerable. They smell blood and try to take advantage. Generally people who will have your best interests in mine will not gravitate to people who are vulnerable. I'm not trying to scare you but we attract who we are in that moment. In order to have a whole relationship you yourself have to be whole.

 

Please heal your emotional wounds before you embark out into the dating world. It is important to NOT be lonely when you date.

 

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk

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I think I've probably always been lonely when I date. That might explain a bit.

 

Don't really know how to make that feeling go away if it's always been here though. But it is especially bad now of course, however I am saying no to people lately. Mind you the only people who seem to have been interested in me in general are always jerks or guys who are mentally unwell. I don't know what that means. Maybe jerks and mentally unwell people just speak their mind more than other people?

 

This guy I saw last night isn't interested in me because I'm vulnerable I don't think. I didn't tell him anything about my ex etc. I think he just plain fancies me and probably was happy I didn't run away from him...

 

I don't think I know how to be not lonely and single. I think in the past I'm always looking if I am single. Right now is probably the best I've gotten at not trying to find someone so much but it's because I don't see anyone I'm interested in. My ex preyed on me as a vulnerable person. He actually got into a bed I was sleeping in, I had passed out from too much to drink. I didn't even really know him. That is what I call preying on the vulnerable. And I am very wary of getting myself into a situation like that again. I don't think I'd let it happen though. I'm too scared of being hurt again.

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Therapy either individual or group can help you acquire tools to both manage by our loneliness and screening out these users.

 

Your male friend had nothing to give to you but you had plenty to give to him and he intuitively knows this.

 

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk

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I've had counselling of many types and just finished with a counsellor I had since the break up but it hasn't really helped. She has made me more aware of how I seem to end up with bad men and I stop myself now (I'm still learning though). I would like group therapy, I have often thought this actually. As I have always found acting and performing very theraputic and I think sharing how I really feel with a group of people would be something I am not used to doing but want to. But I really don't know what would help. It would probably just be worth a go.

 

I don't know what sort of group therapy I would go for. I still have a lot of issues from being in the last relationship so a domestic abuse group could help but maybe there's something else. I don't think I'd like the codependency meetings for many reasons though. I really don't want to blame myself anymore for a relationship that I have been blamed for everything in wrongly for ages. I know I was wrong to get involved with him though. He is very dangerous. I've never felt so scared by another person. It's bizarre that it was by someone I loved. I know I have a lot of childhood/traumatic past stuff that makes me not see red flags as easily as other people though. I am trying to change now. I don't want to be like this anymore. It's become far too destructive to me. It has been for a while I think but this last relationship was my limit. No one should feel that much pain. Being treated like crap by someone who uses all your pain and insecurities aganst you, even your brother's passing, telling me I have mental problems and I don't do enough for him....it's disgusting really. Anyway. I want to get better now please!

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Don't see this one again.

 

Also,

Also, I'm not over my ex.

 

You're not ready to date.

 

You're smart enough to be capable of good judgment, but NObody who dates while still not over an ex is applying good judgment.

 

Grief is the hardest thing we all need to experience. It can't be rushed, and there are no shortcuts--the only way 'around' grief is through it.

 

Hang in there, write more if it helps.

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