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PLEASE READ! Cheated! Friendship! Trust! Betrayal!


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PLEASE READ!

Cheated! Friendship! Trust! Betrayal!

Almost a year ago I started chatting to a guy online. When we first started chatting it was kind of not normal and it seemed he just wanted sex. I was just out of a short relationship and I was single and it said on his profile that he was too and I had no problem chatting to him because besides him talking dirty he did seem like a very nice guy.

 

On this site at the time i was chatting to guy #1 another guy #2 started chatting to me but it said on his profile that he was in a relationship which I completely accepted because the site was really to meet people close by and to make friends and he was new to the area. I don't have a social outlet and don't have any close friends so making friends online seemed like the best option for me.

 

I continued to chatting to both #1 and #2 but things seemed weird. Both of the guys lived in the same town and just being inquisitive I asked were in the town exactly it was because it is a big town. I soon figured that both #1 and #2 were actually in a relationship together. At the time I felt hurt with guy #1 because he had led me to believe something might happen no matter what it was and because he didn't admit from the get go that he wasn't single it hurt. I did let guy #2 know that I was chatting to his boyfriend and that he was being untrue to him by having on his profile that he was single and that he was sending pics and chatting unlike a person in a relationship should to someone else. Guy #2 seemed pissed off about it I wouldn't blame him and he deleted his profile and I didn't hear from him again. However, guy #1 continued chatting he changed his profile, said sorry and I forgave him as he said it was a mistake.

 

I continued chatting to #1 normally and as a friend and it was great and I loved texting him cos he honestly did seem genuine, even after what had happened. Anyway as time went on he seen how nice and genuine I was and I seen the same in him, it didn't bother me that he was in a relationship because he swore that he just wanted friends, and so did I.

 

After 3 months of chatting guy#1 asked could we meet in person and see how we got on. I agreed. I went and met him in a public area and we chatted and it was great, I was a little shy at first but i felt at ease because he seemed so understanding and tried his best to get me to talk. I felt like I had a connection with guy #1 from day one and we started hanging out more. I felt happy someone wanted to spend time with me and wanted to build a friendship which I so desperately needed.

But the worst happened, he made a move on me and I responded and we had sex. It felt so right even though he had a partner I still had a bond with him. Our friendship developed even further, I was seeing him at least once a week and not every time sex was involved, which made me believe it was more than that, which in my heart I knew it was. I let him into my life took down my guards and opened up to him about everything and he done the same to me, he even deleted his profiles eventually and admitted he was the happiest he had been ever, having his partner and me in his life and I was absolutely over the moon with it all.

 

He listened to me and understood everything about me, why I had the flaws I had and accepted me for that. He even said he loved me and I said it back because I truly do.

 

Guy #1 never hid the fact he was in love with his boyfriend and me and I didn't either. After awhile I met guy #2, he was lovely so quiet and caring and always trying his best even if it wasn't doing it right, but I liked him and cared about him to because he was part of my best friends life.

 

I started to spend a lot of time with both of them together cos it is what guy #1 wanted and I wanted it too because I was trying to prove to guy #2 I actually was his boyfriends best friend.

 

Then things started to go wrong.....

 

Guy #2 started chatting to me more on a social network site which I didn't mind cos he was part of my best friends life and we needed to get to know each other. We joked about and made sly comments but it was only a bit of fun and a joke. Then one day we were chatting and he mentioned something sexually and I responded with a sly comment and as a joke. Guy #1 had always told me that guy #2 had the same tendency to chat to guys dirty and was relatively inexperienced with guys and probably even though they were in a relationship. Guy #1 had even said he wouldn't mind if I was with guy #2, once he knew, because he trusted me and knew I wasn't some strange person that would put their health at risk, as guy #2 would probably go off and have unprotected sex.

 

I kept responding to guy to and still both of us made sly comments, then eventually one day when I was in their house studying alone with guy #2 there, he texted me from downstairs and was messing saying 'oh do you need a hand studying' I responded saying 'Ah sure why not' I knew it was innuendo that we were going to have sex and I knew guy #2 wanted it and I gave in.

My reason for giving in was because I love guy #1 i didn't want his boyfriend going off with some random person putting him at risk and obviously myself because I was in a sexual relationship with guy #1.

 

Me and guy #2 had sex we are both adults and we made that decision between both of us. The first time it happened I was so so hurt I had betrayed my best friend and I was afraid if I told him he would walk out of my life and I'd be back to square one and have nothing. I even was really moody with guy #1 i don't know what, probably just because I WAS ANGRY WITH MYSELF. It didn't happen between me and guy #2 once though, it happened on 3 occasions. The first two occasions were not pre-meditated to happen but in a sense they were because comments were made. The third time guy #2 just came and got into the bed beside me when I was sleeping and I let it happen. Each time I felt terrible I was betraying my best friend and I hated myself for it, but I thought in my head I was doing it for guy #1 as I was getting no pleasure out of doing it.

 

Guy #1 told me everything about guy #2 and he loved that he could because he had no one else to talk about their relationship with. He had told me after me and guy #2 had done it that he found pictures of another guy on his phone and when he confronted him about it he admitted that he was texting other people and sending a receiving pictures. Guy #1 said to guy #2 that he needed to get something out of his system and he could do so by being with me because obviously guy #1 had trusted me to do it and I was informed by guy #1 that he had told him that. ULTIMATELY i was in shock I didn't wanna do it, it had happened before which I kept to myself and since it happened I kicked myself for it everyday, losing sleep and being constantly in bad form.

 

I had someone I shared absolutely everything with but I kept this a secret from him, I couldn't live with myself and I kept saying to guy #1 it ain't going to happen but in a way guy #1 wanted it to. He asked me to send him everything that guy #2 was saying and I did, well most of it because I had to leave out parts that refereed to me and guy #2 doing it already. I was gonna go do it again and make out to guy #1 that it happened it was the first time and tell him every single detail. I couldn't go through with it and either could guy #2 because he thought guy #1 was onto him and me, for the first 3 times. I was so glad he didn't want it again, which I did make out to guy #2 I was a bit unhappy about but I had to so he wouldn't suspect anything.

 

I was so hurt I knew I had betrayed the biggest part of my life. I needed to tell guy #1. So I did. He was so calm about it, almost too calm. His calmness turned into anger and he took it out on guy #2 by shouting and screaming and really scaring guy #2 he even scared himself he was that angry. He understood I was sorry and knew I had to tell him.

 

This has only just happened in the last day, the wounds of my betrayal are still fresh for guy #1 and I am hurting so much for doing it. I really don't know what to do and either does guy #1. He could walk out on both of us and if he does I am gonna be blamed by guy #2, his family, his friends and guy #1 family and friends. The both of us love guy #1 so much and we are willing to do anything to get him to forgive us. He is more hurt at me over it because I am supposed to tell him everything.

 

I really do not know what to do, I am hurting so much and have no body to talk to about it as the only person I can talk to, guy#1 is angry with me. If anyone can offer some ADVICE I will be very grateful.

 

It's impossible to control who u fall in love with

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You wilfully slept with both men and yet naively assumed there would be no repercussions. You've learnt otherwise. Where are your morals? If you were in a relationship with Guy 1 would you like it if he slept with a friend? As for Guy 1 getting upset with his bf I don't see what his problem is. He can't now get upset that his bf was doing exactly the same thing as him. That's just silly!!!

 

If you had really cared about either of these "friends" you wouldn't have crossed the boundaries you have. It's too late to undo what's been done.

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"My reason for giving in was because I love guy #1 i didn't want his boyfriend going off with some random person putting him at risk and obviously myself because I was in a sexual relationship with guy #1."

 

You had sex with #2 because you thought "better me than some random"? Aww..You did it altruistically..

 

 

"The first time it happened I was so so hurt I had betrayed my best friend and I was afraid if I told him he would walk out of my life and I'd be back to square one and have nothing."

 

I thought you said #1 was fine with you sleeping with his bf because he trusted you and better you than some other guy with a potential STI/HIV? So why were you worried?

 

"but I thought in my head I was doing it for guy #1 as I was getting no pleasure out of doing it."

 

So why did you feel like you were betraying #1 if you were, essentially, sacrificing yourself for him?

 

Honestly dude - it just sounds like you are absolutely, hopelessly, passionately addicted to the drama.

 

"Cheated! Friendship! Trust! Betrayal!

 

Sounds very dramatic.

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You wilfully slept with both men and yet naively assumed there would be no repercussions. You've learnt otherwise. Where are your morals? If you were in a relationship with Guy 1 would you like it if he slept with a friend? As for Guy 1 getting upset with his bf I don't see what his problem is. He can't now get upset that his bf was doing exactly the same thing as him. That's just silly!!!

 

If you had really cared about either of these "friends" you wouldn't have crossed the boundaries you have. It's too late to undo what's been done.

 

Thank you for your reply JJ2980. I understand there is going to be repercussions and I accept whatever I get because I do deserve it. However, I built up trust with guy#1 and because I had that trust with him and I share everything with him I had to come clean and tell him. If he didn't find pictures of someone else (not me) on guy#2 phone guy#2 would of wanted it to continue and would of kept it from him, i couldn't do that. If guy #1 leaves everyone will think I set out initially to break the two of them up, that was never the case, in the beginning as I said I done it for friendship nothing else. It happened differently and not the way I wanted it to.

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I did not do it altruistically. I do not know what that is all I do is care about others, obviously I done it in the wrong way.

It hurt him more that I didn't tell him at the time it happened, he wouldn't feel as hurt if I just had of told him. I honestly don't know why I didn't, stupidity obviously.

I feel like I have betrayed him because I didn't tell him and I let guy#2 do it 3 times.

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In this case, everyone cheated on everyone with everyone else. I think you should stop contacting both of them and make new friends.

Thanks missmarple, I love guy#1 i've been so open with him about everything besides this. We have both shared extremely personal information about our pasts and we understand each other, I will do anything to save my friendship with him. And guy #1 does not see it the way that we have all cheated on each other.

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Don't you understand that you can't have actual real trust with someone who cheats and backstabs? Guy 1, the guy you claim to care so much about, would throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if it was to save his own skin.

 

If you can't see that, you really are screwed. This isn't friendship. Maybe you just aren't familiar with what a real friendship looks like and is??

 

It sounds like you have been very lonely and are practical dependent on this guy to keep you afloat. You are terrified of him leaving your life, yes??

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Don't you understand that you can't have actual real trust with someone who cheats and backstabs? Guy 1, the guy you claim to care so much about, would throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if it was to save his own skin.

 

If you can't see that, you really are screwed. This isn't friendship. Maybe you just aren't familiar with what a real friendship looks like and is??

 

It sounds like you have been very lonely and are practical dependent on this guy to keep you afloat. You are terrified of him leaving your life, yes??

 

I don't know "itsallgrand", like really he says he will never do anything to hurt me and the only reason this situation hurt him so much is because he didn't know it had happened and I have only told him after a few weeks after it happened.

Yeah and i'll be honest I have been lonely all my life, I had a childhood and still in my position I'm in at home is still pretty , I am still only 20. However, he has been through the same as me possibly even worse thats why he understands and I understand him, or at least I think I do.

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I don't know "itsallgrand", like really he says he will never do anything to hurt me and the only reason this situation hurt him so much is because he didn't know it had happened and I have only told him after a few weeks after it happened.

Yeah and i'll be honest I have been lonely all my life, I had a childhood and still in my position I'm in at home is still pretty , I am still only 20. However, he has been through the same as me possibly even worse thats why he understands and I understand him, or at least I think I do.

 

Yes but he was telling his boyfriend the same thing - I'd never hurt you, I'd never lie, blah blah blah. And meanwhile, he was doing things behind his back.

 

I think your loyalty is seriously displaced. He doesn't deserve your loyalty; which you did not give, still, you shouldn't feel bad for that.

 

Rather, you should take this as your wake up call to stay out of nasty situations like this. Next time you find out or suspect a guy is a cheater/liar, don't entertain them as a friend or anything else. Because this is what you will get.

 

Someone here has a tag that says "roll with the pigs and you'll get dirty". It's exactly true.

 

Good luck. You are so young. You should be out enjoying yourself with real friends who will have your back, exploring new things you like, having fun, starting your career or going to school, all that good stuff. Not getting in the middle of a sick triangle these guys have. You were the pawn. I know you can't see that right now; but I do wish the best for you. Your life is just starting...it doesn't have to keep going down this road.

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Thing is he has never mention to his boyfriend that he is loyal to him, his boyfriend has always known he has text other lads, he is just afraid to say it to him. When I came along i stopped him from doing all that and he listened I know he did. But i do see that it is his way of thinking or no way basically i do see that.

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The way I read this, there is no one who is innocent in this mess.

 

Everyone proceeded knowing the relationship status of the others, so no one can scream "Betrayal!!!!!!"

 

A nest of vipers is what this is.

 

Thank you. Basically we are all adults and got ourselves into this mess. I ain't the one who is running away hiding it, I brought it out in the open because it was eating me up. I never set out to hurt anybody and if I did I could of told #2 I was doing it with #1 all along.

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If you guys are all sleeping with other, it's way hypocritical for guy #1 to feel angry and betrayed that his lover hooked up with the same guy he previously cheated with!!

 

Why don't the three of you become a triad and call it a day? Makes sense since neither of the boyfriends are practicing monogamy and both of them actively pursued sex with YOU.

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