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Love him so much it hurts.


Ms Ktn

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We were together a few years, the relationship was always on and off. Im too embarrassed to talk to anyone, but I got advice to write down my feelings, even if no one reads it, i might feel better if i just let my emotions go. My apologies in advance, as I think this might be a long post. Here goes;

 

I never knew I was capable of love. Somewhere down the line, I fell madly in love with him. He's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, the man I wish I could wake up to every morning, and kiss sweet dreams every night. Oh how I wish I could be with him. His love for me is real, my love for him is without a doubt truest can be, and how we got in this situation is still to my surprise. I never thought I would ever leave and never come back, but true love is not about possession, its about appreciation. Being together made us unhappy, and seeing him unhappy kills me inside slowly and cuts me deeply. I am able to let go because I love him more than myself, I never want to see him sad. I realized the reason for his misery was me, there's nothing I can do. As long as we're together, he will forever be unhappy, he loves me too much to admit it. We both know that its not meant to be, things shouldn't have happened like this, but it did. I know something doesn't want us to be together so drama and crazy unexpected events keep popping up and happening. I still don't understand why this force doesn't want us to be together, I can only hope that there's something better for us down the line, and that our future holds true happiness and love - even if its not with each other. My heart will be at ease knowing that he is happy with someone else. I don't know if my heart could love another man as much as I love him, I feel as if I will always love him and this feeling will never fade - it hurts, but its getting easier as the days go by. Im trying my best to forget the past and just live in the present. My mind wont let me, and my heart wont allow me. Not a day goes by where i don't think about him, oh how I miss him so very much.

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Im really so sorry you're hurting so much... im not sure if this is your first relationship (or first serious one) but the feelings after it are extremely brutal, im just now starting to really get better after mine and if i had one piece of advice to give you it'd be learn to love yourself again. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, as much as it hurts now it will teach you a lot for the future. keep looking forward and make yourself into a person you love!

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