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Is this a healthy relationship? Is it LOVE


tanragagirl

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It is pretty ridiculous. when we are a part we fight and argue over everything. Maybe because mostly or convos are through texts and emails. BUT when we are together we forget all the bad stuff and just love each other so much. Neither of us can let go and either one of us hurts each other BUT we just forgive it because we love each other. IS THIS LOVE?

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Its familiar, its comfortable and its better than being alone (or so you think).

No, its not healthy. Familiarity and comfort are not good reasons, in and of themselves, to be in a relationship where there is lots of drama and constant fighting. Also texting and emailing are poor forms of communication when you're in a serious/committed relationship.

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Not healthy at all. And why wait till you find something "better"? Why not free yourself to find something better now? What are you afraid will happen if you let go?

 

I think I am afraid of being aone. or afraid i don't deserve better or wont get anyone better. i am insecure

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I think I am afraid of being aone. or afraid i don't deserve better or wont get anyone better. i am insecure

 

Me too -- a lot of us feel this way. But you know what? I have been alone for a couple years now, and I can absolutely guarantee you that being alone is WAY better than being in some toxic relationship that leaves you unhappy a lot of times. There are far, far worse things than being alone.

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I think I am afraid of being aone. or afraid i don't deserve better or wont get anyone better. i am insecure

 

Loads of people feel that way at points in their lives. If, for you, the purpose of dating and getting into a relationship includes finding someone to make a lifelong commitment to then it's important to let go of the relationships with people whom you are not compatible with.

 

That said, I really don't understand your situation. It sounds like you argue all the time on email/text - and barely ever argue in person. Perhaps then, the constant arguing is something that can be resolved. Perhaps it is a problem with online communication style and expectations about online communication.

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Loads of people feel that way at points in their lives. If, for you, the purpose of dating and getting into a relationship includes finding someone to make a lifelong commitment to then it's important to let go of the relationships with people whom you are not compatible with.

 

That said, I really don't understand your situation. It sounds like you argue all the time on email/text - and barely ever argue in person. Perhaps then, the constant arguing is something that can be resolved. Perhaps it is a problem with online communication style and expectations about online communication.

 

 

 

I think it is the physical attraction that brings us together in person. when a part we are forced to deal wth each other on a non physical level and so we fight. but he does play dirty games and tricks to exhert control over me. He has done adn said some unforgivable things. At times it hurts so much that I cut myself. I am seeking treatment for that now

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Ok - then I think you probably know it's best to end this relationship - work on the treatment for self harm.. take a bit of time.. and then open yourself up to dating again. You have your whole life to find the right guy - this one isn't it if he plays mind games and tries to control you. No doubts about that.

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Ok - then I think you probably know it's best to end this relationship - work on the treatment for self harm.. take a bit of time.. and then open yourself up to dating again. You have your whole life to find the right guy - this one isn't it if he plays mind games and tries to control you. No doubts about that.

 

I guess sometimes you know something is wrong but wn't really accept it until others tell you to. Thank you

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When you're apart you both compete for control over the other, so the fights can be over stupid stuff--that's what it boils down to.

 

You see one another so infrequently, you take honeymoon breaks from the fighting.

 

The long range outlook for this is bleak, because if you ever position yourselves to live near or with one another, the control fighting will escalate into continual misery.

 

You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

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Based on your past threads, you've had a lot of traumatizing events in your life. You need to get attention (therapy). This guy is not the reason you cut yourself. Please heed the restraining order on you, stop contact with him and get help. It's the only way to move ahead of where you are now.

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