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Confused, feel silly


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Hey guys, hope everyone had a good weekend, I've been trying to occupy myself having had some kinda bad news Friday just gone but it still bothers me, hoping you can help and advise where I go from here


I was happy being single and enjoying life but 3 weeks ago I was in a bar and noticed one of the female bar staff smiling at me so I went to talk and got her number, since then we talked every day and she would want to meet up lots and would always chase me. She told all her friends about me and all my friends could tell she was keen. Her friends said she never gives her number to any guys. I would be in the bar she worked at and she would always look over and when she walked past she would prod me. I didn't chase her lots but still made sure she knew I liked her. The Friday just gone she ended it, saying shes not over her ex. Her and her ex broke up because they didn't want to live in the same town and now they are a distance apart. I feel so silly for thinking it would become something, I feel stupid and confused how it went from great to nothing. What do I do now? Just not talk to her and let her talk to me? She works at the bar I go to a lot so not sure how to handle this, I'd like to think maybe in future if we stay friends we could give it another go...?




Friday 31st Jan - just gone (When it was ended)


She said: "I've been thinking and this isn't really working for me, your a great guy but i'm just not ready for this. I'm sorry its turned out this way. I just cant see it being more than a friendship"


I replied: "Wow really, i'm pretty shocked if i'm honest. Was it too quick for you or something?"


She said: "I just don't think i'm as ready to move onto something new as I thought I was. Its only been a few months since me and (her ex name) broke up and I thought I was OK but I've realized I'm not ready for this like I thought".


I said: Its OK I understand. I know it must be hard for you. I am gutted I'll be honest, really like you and think you are great and I'm glad we cna be friends. I hope we can keep talking and I'm here if you need anything".


She said: "Thank you



Saturday 1st of Feb I was out in the bar with friends and ended up speaking to her, just civil stuff like "Hey, how are you etc. and made her laugh



Sunday 2nd of Feb on Facebook I spoke to her as I was still confused as to why it ended


Me: Hey, can I talk to you about something?


Her: yea..... course


Me: I'm confused as to why you ended it, things were great 1 moment then you had issues with your ex. I feel like there's something else your not saying?I'm sorry for asking but I keep thinking about it and it doesn't make sense. I'm not trying to make it hard for you but it's driving me crazy because I don't understand, I don't believe you would stop liking me overnight. But you can talk to me as a friend too, I'm here for you if I can help.


Her: i wasn't lying. things were good but it wasn't right for me. i realized im not ready for anything like that.


Me: You mean a relationship? Thanks for explaining, think I understand. I care about you and when you are ready to be friends I'm here x


Her: sorry cooking dinner. not ignoring.


Me: It's ok, thanks for explaining, I guess it's been troubling me that's all


Her: im sorry


Me: It's ok, I just liked you a lot, take it as a compliment. Have a good night and when you are ready to be friends we can talk, good night


Her: ok. goodnight

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Yeah.. after the conversations you have had about it I think you really have to leave it alone now - if you chase it any further I think you'll really put her off, even the idea of being friends. Sorry it didn't work out .. I know it's hard and I hope you meet someone else soon.

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The thing I would take away from this is to always find out when, exactly, a potential GF's last relationship ended. If it was within 6 months, tell her you're interested in her but that's too soon for you. You're walking away while you both think highly of one another, and if she's interested in another 6 months and you're both still available, you'd like to hear from her.


The problem isn't just positioning yourself as rebound guy who gets caught up in a love-fest while the freshly broken up girl needs to throw herself into a new relationship--only to drop you when things get hot, but sometimes people just aren't over their ex. Exes often get back together or hold fantasies about that happening.


You don't want to get in the middle of any of that.


Head high, and don't treat this woman with a lot of weight when you see her. Just say hello and move past her.

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Her: i wasn't lying. things were good but it wasn't right for me. i realized im not ready for anything like that.
If you've ever had the stomach flu, you know there's a point where food starts to seem like a good idea. You've been puking your guts out at just the smell, that stops, a while goes by where you haven't eaten and then you smell something and think "hmm... that smells good. I think I'm hungry, too." So you go and get some of that food and you start eating it. At first, it may seem OK, you may even be enjoying it a little but then... all of a sudden your stomach roils and you realise that you're not over the flu yet and you're running back to the toilet.


Breakups can be like that. You can think you've over someone, that whatever happened to end it no longer bothers or affects you... and you meet someone cool, go out with them, have a good time and then it hits you that you're just not ready yet. Maybe you haven't healed enough, maybe you start thinking that it's only going to end in pain like the last time, that this new person reminds you of your ex... but all you do know is you have to get out of there.


In a way, she's done you a favour. It would be much worse to stay with her, and keep trying only to get really attached and have her pull the plug/go back to the ex/meet someone else. It may not seem like a favour now, but she was honest and saved you a lot of trouble.

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******Small Update*******


So she ended it on the 31st of Jan and we last spoke on the 2nd of Feb and haven't spoken since (1 week NC) however I was out in the bar on the 5th of Feb and met a Woman who I kissed lots and she saw, its the same bar the girl who blew me off works at.


I felt really bad afterwards as I felt like I was rubbing it in her face but I was just drunk. She said to a friend we share that it surprised her as I'm not normally like that and that I don't go out pulling random girls.


How would she feel about it? Have I now killed any chance of anything in future or is she likely to have been jealous or just nothing at all? I should maintain the NC correct?

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