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Things going great with new girl but she wants an open relationship - Advice???


Nocturnal123

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I started dating this girl a month ago. Everything has gone great. We see each other 3-5 times a week and have all round great chemistry and sex. I have never grown attached to a girl this fast before.

 

Here is the problem...

 

About two weeks ago she confessed to me that she had been engaged and broke up with her fiance a month before we met. They dated for 6 years. He was the only guy she had ever been in a relationship with. I'm only the second guy she has ever slept with. She said she really likes me but isn't in a place in her life where she wants a serious committed relationship. She wants to see me as much as possible and keep hanging out. She told me I was an amazing person and great in bed and wanted to continue to be with me but didn't want anything overly emotional.

 

I really like this girl. She told me she had another date with a guy last weekend. They had dinner and it was pretty uneventful. This weekend she hung out with her friends who she still isn't ready for me to meet (many of them are also very close friends with her ex-fiance).

 

What should I do. I fear if I express my feelings for her I will drive her away. If I continue to stay with her will things grow into an actual relationship? What do I do if she continues to date other guys?

 

I feel like i'm her dirty little secret and i'm going to end up being the rebound guy. I've been with over 20 women and i've never been attracted to a girl like this before. What can I do to make this work?

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You are the rebound guy...one month after breaking her engagement of a long relationship.

She is used to being a couple but does not want to be exclusive.

 

Tell her you appreciate her honesty but you are a committed relationship kind of guy.

And walk away.

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She is not ready for a relationship. She jump out of a six year relationship right into a new one. If this were me (I'm as mongy. as the come) I would say:

 

"I really like you. Right now, I think we are at different places with what we want. I'm going to bow out. When you are ready for a committed relationship come find me and if I'm free we can see where things go."

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Part of the allure for you is probably that she's so fun and casual and not *that* interested. That makes her different and exciting and can understandably make you want her even more. However, I have to agree with mhowe....tell her to have lots of fun and date whoever she likes and rebound a few times....and then give you a call if and when she ever wants a real relationship. And then walk away. A month out of a 6 year relationship is no time to start another relationship and that's not what she wants, which to her credit, she's been honest about.

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I guess i'm getting the response I expected. I know deep down i'm the rebound guy. This is just the first girl i've gone out with in a while that I actually cared about.

 

I haven't always been a good person. I've been in a handful of relationships only for sex. I finally find a girl who i'm truly interested in and I find out all she wants from me is sex...

 

I guess karma really does come back to haunt you

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I agree that she's really, really not ready for a committed relationship yet and it wouldnt be in anyone's best interests for her to get into one. Given that you are pretty serious about her I think you should explain that while you would have liked to date her exclusively, open relationships are not for you - so wish her the best and move on. Otherwise you stand an enormous chance of getting hurt.

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I guess i'm getting the response I expected. I know deep down i'm the rebound guy. This is just the first girl i've gone out with in a while that I actually cared about.

 

I haven't always been a good person. I've been in a handful of relationships only for sex. I finally find a girl who i'm truly interested in and I find out all she wants from me is sex...

 

I guess karma really does come back to haunt you

 

oh hey don't let it get to you like this ...just have fun and keep a reign on your feelings ..easier said than done ...or walk away now .

 

don't worry ..there will be that special one out there ...believe .

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The other problem is you don't know why they broke up... perhaps he got cold feet, and she still wants him and hence doesn't want to commit to anyone else because she's hoping they'll get back together. Or he cheated, and now that time is passing, she is starting to forgive him and might go back to him. or maybe she's in the revenge mode and wants to sleep with as many men as possible.

 

I think this will be torture for you because you want a relationship and she doesn't. the only thing I would suggest is that if she is dating other people, you should be too, i.e., don't hang around waiting for her to become your GF. She's made it very clear she's dating around, so she's willing to have 'fun' but it is with no string attached, and if you're getting more and more attached to her while she is out banging a bunch of guys, that will not work out well for you. So you need to at a minimum keep your distance and date other women and only see her once in a while and don't stop dating other women to focus on her.

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I guess i'm getting the response I expected. I know deep down i'm the rebound guy. This is just the first girl i've gone out with in a while that I actually cared about.

 

I haven't always been a good person. I've been in a handful of relationships only for sex. I finally find a girl who i'm truly interested in and I find out all she wants from me is sex...

 

I guess karma really does come back to haunt you

 

Isn't that always the way?? ;-) You'll bounce back. Part of the attraction is that she doesn't want to be with you....if she were super interested, you might be your more typical "in it for the sex" self. She's awakening a part of you that you didn't know existed...maybe just in time for the right girl who's about to come along...

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I agree that at the very least you should be dating others as well, hopefully she has opened your eyes a little and you can see that women aren't only good for sex

Now that someone has come along and taken your barriers down, someone better may be able to in the future.

 

I honestly think the right thing for you to do for both her and yourself is to walk away. She has offered you her terms and conditions, and they don't match yours. Either of you "settling" with the others will just end up in resentment.

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