rebellefleur Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 So since my single journey, i keep running into A LOT of aholes, who have really learned to disguise themselves. I met this one guy however, who i actually really like. We met on Tinder- which if you don't know what it is, it's like a dating APP. I've always been a little weirded out by it and would go back and forth between deleting it and getting it again. A lot of it was just classless dudes looking for one nighters, but sometimes you'd find a winner and i actually know of quite a few success stories from it through friends! Anyway, this guy and I have been talking for about three weeks now, however our schedules just kept keeping us from meeting. He goes to school full time and i work full time so it was hard to find that in between. I love his personality and we click so well and he's really, really attractive. However, there are some red flags i don't know if i'm overthinking or not. For one, he posts a lot of "selfies" for a guy. He's really fit and used to be chubby back in the day so maybe it's just being him proud? Or self absorbed...? Another issue is i notice that he often becomes friends with girls and has girls writing on his picture and facebook statuses (possibly other Tinder girls?) which i brought up to him one day and he assured me he isn't the type of guy to go around using girls and that he's just a friendly person. Right off the bat he would use endearing terms "what's up gorgeous?" and a lot of them. Which was nice and didn't bother me but sometimes it can be a bad sign? Lastly, he doesn't really ever try to make plans to go to dinner or do date like things, he'll usually ask me to come over and watch movies, but he's also explained he really likes nights in. But then on the other hand, it could be a sleazy move to get me over. I have actually, lightly expressed to him certain concerns and that i'm not looking for a one night stand or someone to just mess around with. He told me that he isn't like that and he is a gentleman and that he really likes me and wants to eventually date me. I just wanted to get someone's outside opinion. I do like him and i don't want to misinterpret things because i've met so many jerks in the past but at the same time certain aspects make me wonder. I actually finally met him last night in person, i stopped at a bar where he was with a few friends and it was normal, he didn't try anything and gave me a kiss on the cheek and texted me later that he really likes me and that i have beautiful eyes etc. But then today he told me to "come over and watch movies and smooch me." I don't know- i'm just can't read this one! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 He is looking for a hook up...and is lazy. Why couldn't he meet you out for drinks and appetizer?? His house = movie and making out. Not getting to know you. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I actually finally met him last night in person, i stopped at a bar where he was with a few friends and it was normal, he didn't try anything and gave me a kiss on the cheek and texted me later that he really likes me and that i have beautiful eyes etc. But then today he told me to "come over and watch movies and smooch me." I don't know- i'm just can't read this one! I don't understand why you're confused. It's obvious that he's not interested in dating you, he just wants to get you to his house and 'smooch' you. He's only met you once and he didn't even take you out on a 'normal' date...just saw you at a bar with other people. If what you want is a relationship, don't waste one more minute on this guy. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Yep - guys who call you 'gorgeous' when they haven't even met you are out for a bit of lighthearted fun, nothing serious. Guys who've only met you once may really 'like' you - at least the bits they're interested in - but this isn't relationship material. Can be a fun way to spend an evening if you're up for that! Someone who's seriously interested in getting to know you will take their time to do just that. If that's what you want, then don't sell yourself short with someone up for a bit of short-term fun. Move on. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 But then today he told me to "come over and watch movies and smooch me." I don't know- i'm just can't read this one! I think this is an easy read. He's not interested in dating you, yet he's more than willing to have you come over to "watch movies" (booty call). It sounds like the writing is on the wall, but of course it's your call. Link to comment
rebellefleur Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Sigh. This is just so discouraging. It's amazing how many times i keep running into guys who seem like they're only after one thing. These guys have like evolved too, they don't come off as the typical d-bags anymore. I'm getting to the point where i literally just want to close off everyone and not date at all for a long, LONG time. Link to comment
Circe Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Don't lose hope.. I think a lot of guys are only interested in hooking up but lots are looking for serious relationships too. Unfortunately dating seems to bring them All out and it seems people have to wade through an awful lot of unsuitables before finally finding a good guy. But don't give up... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Agree ... he is only looking for a hook up. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 He asks you over to his place to watch movies because a) he's cheap and doesn't want to spend the $ to take you out b) he's sort of lazy in that he can't and won't put in the effort to find unexpensive ways to take you out and c) he wants you at his place so yes he can put his moves on you. That coupled with the other things you describe sort of do indicate a player, but the big red flag is he won't take you out on a date. A guy who is really into you, who wants to get to know you because they are genuinely interested in you will make the effort to take you out. Just to cut all confusion in the future--guy who never takes you on a proper date, but wants you to come over to their place straight away when you barely or never have met them in person equals guy looking to get laid at best. And the "eventually" would like to date you is sort of insulting, why not date you now? I know schedules aren't working out, but still why not plan for a date instead of promising to you that he will want to date you eventually? And everyone says they're a gentleman and not like that--it doesn't mean it's true though until you meet them in person and can see by their actions, not their words. I'm sorry, but I have had enough experience and heard it from others to know that a guy who wants to genuinely know you also will try to not spook you since yeah, if you were someone like me an offer like that would get an immediate "get lost" since I've always been a tad paranoid after nearly getting kidnapped in college. I just can't figure out why anyone would ask you to come to their place, on their home turf, when you don't know them. Keep in mind Rebs you are worth someone dating and pursuing and it will happen, but yeah you do have to go through a few toads sometimes. Same thing with the guys, so just keep going. And the numerous selfies screams self-absorbed to the T. Don't discredit your own instincts so much, you're seeing what you're seeing. Pat yourself on the back for developing your BS meter and use it, you'll be able to recognize the good ones faster too as a result. Link to comment
savignon Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 There are no playboys that say straight up "I'm a cheap bast**d with zero interest in getting to know you and would love you to come over and get naked"....so of course he's going to say he's a good guy/not like that/etc. Similarly, there are no men who cheat on their wives and say "she's actually a solid and decent woman...but I lie to her face every single day and screw other women behind her back". Lines are lines for a reason. "Hey, gorgeous" is a line. **I'm not saying guys who want to hook up are the same guys that will cheat on their wives...just saying there's a reason people say they have good intentions even when they don't. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 These guys have like evolved too, they don't come off as the typical d-bags anymore. You're saying this guy is any way "evolved"? Come on, rebellefleur. He hasn't even met you in person yet, but he calls you "gorgeous" and wants to "smooch." And for a first date - when he should really be thinking about making a good impression - he invites you to his place to watch TV. Way to go, champ! At best he's clueless, unimaginative, lazy and cheap. But to be fair, you're pretty terrible at reading the red flags. So take the advice of everyone above. They know how to weed out the factory-wrapped d**ches, and if you follow their lead, soon you will too. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Agree with ND40 -it's not about the fact that there are men out there who want casual sex - it's about how you're trying to meet people and how you continue to chat with people who do not want the same things that you want. If you do that too much you get a skewed, negative view of men. Someone who wants to get to know you as a person is going to want to meet in a public place and is going to avoid talking about sex/sexual activity too early on because he's not going to want to give you the wrong impression. Link to comment
savignon Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Agree w/ ND40 as well. He's throwing out lots of red flags that don't seem anything more than cheap, immature, not interested and lazy....hardly "evolved". I was getting similar "hey gorgeous" texts from a guy I hadn't met yet and haven't even talked on the phone to...so I stopped replying and he asked "should I assume you've lost interest?" Yep!! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Lastly, he doesn't really ever try to make plans to go to dinner or do date like things, he'll usually ask me to come over and watch movies, It's not safe to answer an ad (basically) and go alone to the home of someone you've never met. Didn't anybody ever teach you about 'stranger danger' when you were a kid? It applies to grown women, too. If a guy won't meet you in a public place, there is something wrong with him. ...and don't invite strange men to your place, either. Link to comment
Dusk1983 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Sigh. This is just so discouraging. It's amazing how many times i keep running into guys who seem like they're only after one thing. These guys have like evolved too, they don't come off as the typical d-bags anymore. I'm getting to the point where i literally just want to close off everyone and not date at all for a long, LONG time. It's very simple, even though girls don't want to accept it. If a guy has an online presence that promotes his appearance, he's a player. Don't want a player? Then don't choose a guy based on his appearance. Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Shoot for meeting people organically, then. Coffee shops, school, work... broaden your network and see what's out there. Relax and enjoy yourself, and don't get hung up on dudes like this. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Shoot for meeting people organically, then. Coffee shops, school, work... broaden your network and see what's out there. Relax and enjoy yourself, and don't get hung up on dudes like this. This, or use a paid site that screens out people who just want to troll the thing for free to find a mark. Link to comment
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