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Introvert and Extrovert


beingblue

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I work for a company who really don't care about their employees. I am merely the receptionist but I am being blamed for the lack of profits the company is making....I am not responsible for this and my job title dictates that I am to answer phones and pass the calls on to the relevant people. I am severely unhappy at work and it is harming my relationship.

 

I have been with *James for two years, he is the opposite of me - extroverted, work driven, focused and goal orientated. I enjoy being quiet, reading books and my life does not revolve around making as much money as I can.

 

Recently because of work stress I have taken my sadness home, I am an artist in my spare time and my sadness has meant that I do not paint or draw as much any more. I also attend night school - hopefully to gain a degree in English so I can become an English teacher.

 

Over the last week it has been particularly bad and I have not enjoyed doing anything. I have explained my reasons for my sadness to James and he has reassured me that he undertstands and I have apologised for my lack of drive to do anything over the past week.

 

Last week we we both invited to a meal with his parents - today would have been the evening we were supposed to go. However, this morning I could sense that he was frustrated and so again I apologised for my sadness and asked if he wanted to talk. James told me that he felt suffocated, that my sadness was bringing him down.

 

James went on to say that he feels that anything he wishes to do outside of the home he is not allowed to do - we have had this conversation before and it has been a constant point of contention between us...he tells me that he feels I do not like him going out, when in fact I could not care less. I have spoken to him about this and explained every time he brings it up that he is free to do what he wishes. I believe it to be more of an issue that when I say I am going out he reacts with "BRILLIANT! HAVE A GREAT TIME" (due to his happy go lucky personality) when he says that he is going out I respond with "Okay then" (due to my introversion and inability to get excited about things which to me are normal things)

 

 

Back to this morning - James told me he wanted to see his parents on his own for the meal, stating that he needed to go and do things on his own, obviously as I was invited and looking forward to it I was slightly upset and I did tell him this.

He has since left and I have told him to have a good time.

 

Just before he left however, he told me that he feels that I do not live my life for myself...I listened and then countered his claims with the fact that I go to night school and that I paint in my free time. He also said that he feels like he is bringing me up like a he would have to do for a child, I asked him to clarify what he meant by this and he said he felt as if, if he didn't say "Lets go here " or "Lets do this" then we wouldn't do anything....my reply to this was that I am quite happy to read a book and that for the last year I have been asking him to save money to come on holiday with me and 3 weeks ago asked him to come rock climbing - all of which he has said no to.

 

He also said that he feels that he is "James with a little bit of Sarah (me) attached to him" and apparently this is bad and what he wants is me to be Sarah, him to be James and live our separate lives apparently under the same roof.

 

To really break it down I am an introvert and he is an extrovert.

I feel I constantly suggest things to do and he is always too busy working to do them (even on weekends)

He says that he wants me to live my life for me but I feel that really what he is asking me to do is "put down your book, speak to everyone who walks past you and be a happy go lucky person JUST LIKE ME!" He doesn't want me to live my own life - he wants me to be him.

 

I sat and listened to this verbal attack from him feeling as if nothing I could ever do would be right...I've also missed out on a lovely meal because I was upset about work.

 

Can anyone relate to this at all?

 

Thank you

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Okay, so he's told you the issues he has with you. Whether you agree with them or not is neither here not there, frankly because they are still issues that have yet to be resolved. You are depressed and unfun by all accounts (at the moment) Are you seeing your school councelor who can possible help you with your current down? You've admitted to being stressed, down and unmotivated ~ all signs of depression so please do at least go to your family doctor and talk to him about your symptoms. That alone will be just one indication that you are listening to your bf's concerns and trying to do something to remedy.

 

He doesn't want you to be him, he just wants you to step out of your funk and learn to have fun again.

 

You can't keep expecting someone to walk on egg shells to accommodate your moods. If you can't see yourself getting some help, to learn to be fun and exciting again then perhaps you've just found out that you two are so totally incompatible that being each other's LIFEmates just isn't possible and it's time to break up.

 

So: Two things

See someone about your lack of joy and see if things improve in your relationship as your motivation in general returns or

Break up and continue on in your funk as a single person while you figure yourself out. If you think that your current state is normal then just break up and find someone more like yourself.

 

I do wish you well.

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"You can't keep expecting someone to walk on egg shells to accommodate your moods" - I think you're very right and I think I shall go do this on Monday...I have never felt this down about anything before.

We did have a good chat about it before he left and I do think that we are good together as we never argue....just recently with this horrendous job that I have things have gotten to me and I think you're right....I need to fix myself. Thank you.

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I am being blamed for the lack of profits the company is making....

 

This is a pretty weight statement. In what way are you being accused of this, and by whom?

 

It sounds as though your depression is impacting those around you, especially your BF, and he is responding to that with resentment.

 

Arguing against individual instances of his discontent is missing the point. Have you pursued therapy for your depression?

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I think thats strange that a receptionist is being blamed for lack of profits....

 

I also think you may be projecting your insecurities to everything and everyone because you are depressed. It has nothing to do with what type of personalities you both have.

 

I think when you are depressed, esp if severely, you will only think about yourself and you will close yourself off from everyone because you are so saturated in your own negative feelings. He's telling you to get over it and start thinking about how to be emotionally healthy for you, for him and for the relationship. If you can't do that, you are no good for him and for the relationship.

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Indeed I am being blamed for it. I work for a small office.3 of us. one BDM and our boss. He has me doing marketing, advertising and his taxes...its no lie saying that he is blaming me and the BDM for not making enough profits.

Anyway, I agree with you both...I am being short sighted and after reading all your comments I am now aware of this and taking steps to combat my sadness...finding a new job and being more happy at home....I need to leave work at work...its not fair to put it on him.

Thanks again for all your comments.

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Indeed I am being blamed for it. I work for a small office.3 of us. one BDM and our boss. He has me doing marketing, advertising and his taxes...its no lie saying that he is blaming me and the BDM for not making enough profits.

Anyway, I agree with you both...I am being short sighted and after reading all your comments I am now aware of this and taking steps to combat my sadness...finding a new job and being more happy at home....I need to leave work at work...its not fair to put it on him.

Thanks again for all your comments.

 

Good girl. You've made a decision to leave that dumb company, so regardless of how long it takes to find another job, you're liberated from concerns about what this stUpid boss thinks of you.

 

You can use your vacation, sick or personal time to visit and test with temp agencies if you want to speed this along. Then you can expose yourself to other corporate cultures and decide which firms you'd like to apply from within.

 

Most good jobs never make it outside of current staff postings within good companies, so you'll have a way to market yourself to management there once you're inside.

 

I'd also pursue therapy to have your depression assessed. It's not just a matter of trying to pretend you're in a better mood. Most depressed people don't even know they're depressed--their shifts in what they consider 'normal' were so gradual, and they ended up in a rut because their chemical balance actually changed without them realizing it.

 

Well, your BF is realizing it, so seeking treatment can be viewed as your commitment to him to make things better, and you'll be walking your talk.

 

Head high.

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