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I'm a cancer patient trying to deal with some unnecessary drama.


numberthree

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This is about a girl. We parted ways three months ago after I made my feelings for her known and she didn't feel the same. I got the cancer diagnosis a month later. All of our friends are still mutual. I can't avoid seeing or hearing about her, yet I still need the support of my friends. For the next several months I will have to deal with running into her while visiting my friends. I can't just ask to not see her. How do I deal with this and how do I keep myself from either being angry or redeveloping feelings for her during this lonely time?

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Can you not invite just one or two close friends to either visit you or go do an activity together? I don't see why wanting to spend time with your friends means you'll inevitably have to see or spend time with her as well. Even if literally every single one of your friends is good friends with her too, that still doesn't mean that you have to see her if you don't want to. Time can be divided. Your friends can spend time with you without her, and then see her later if they want. If they're incapable of that even given your diagnoses and need of support, then I'm sorry, but they're not your friends.

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Hi numberthree I agree that you should have a word with your friends so you can manage the situation and have some control over it, you've gotta do what's best for you at this time...I'm sure they'll understand when you explain, you don't need the stress right now of seeing your ex

Best wishes to you, Lady D X

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You can decide to stop making her so important while you've got bigger fish to fry.

 

You're facing a challenge that can render her irrelevant. You can make the choice to think of her as a gnat in the larger scope of things, and move your focus toward inviting the people you care about to join you in private company to do the things ~you~ want to do.

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It's keeping me from doing pretty much everything I would do if I was healthy.

 

Then modify this:

move your focus toward inviting the people you care about to join you in private company to do the things ~you~ want to do.

 

...to meet your needs:

 

Move your focus toward inviting the people you care about to join you in private company to do the things ~can~ do...

 

...even if that just means watching a movie with you, or playing games in your room while you sleep, or sharing their studies with you to keep you up on things...

 

Point is, mixing with someone you don't have the energy for is, as you've already said, unnecessary.

 

Ask people for what you want...within reason. Attempts to control their social lives is unnecessary. Ask for visits when you need them, participate when and where you can, and allow anyone who doesn't offer support to drop away and make room for the people who matter and new friendships when you are able to pursue them.

 

Allow for some people to demonstrate an inability to deal with sickness. This doesn't make them a villain, it makes them limited. Focus instead on the people who can demonstrate their love and support because they deserve your focus.

 

When you come out the other side of this you can be stronger and confident in your resiliency, or you can be brittle and squelched. This is a time of decision making. Use it wisely.

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