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Issues with Erectile Dysfunction?


ju5taguy

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Hey guys, so I know this is a topic no one, man or woman, wants to talk about but I have been driving myself nuts with it. I am looking for a both a woman and mans opinion on whats been going on with me. I started dating this girl about 8 months ago. When we first started dating, I had not been with anyone in about 3 years, and was very nervous and anxious about performance. So much so I would masturbate multiple times before all our dates, just in case we had sex I wouldn't feel embarrassed. Well, the opposite happened and when we went to hook up and I couldn't get an erection. So I stopped the masturbation, and in about 2 weeks that issue pretty much resolved itself, and I only had isolated incidents. And those incidents I wouldn't be able to get an erection, and then I would like 1 or 2 hrs later. Now, don't get me wrong I get turned down a lot by her when I am in the mood and she isn't, but every once in a while she will be in the mood and I can't match her. And even though I want to have sex, nothing is happening downstairs. It is not a lot, maybe 10 times the whole time we've been together and we have had a lot of sex so that is not that much. But whenever that issue arises, she makes me feel guilty like there is something wrong with me. She doesn't forget my beginning issues and so any issues that arise she attributes to that. So my question is, do any of you have any similar issues? Guys sometimes just not being in the mood or girls ever notice your guys sometimes aren't in the mood? Does that sound like something I should be seeing a doctor for? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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There's nothing wrong with talking about EDs at all ... From what I hear a lot of guys don't always feel like they are in the mood all the time. There may be certain things that work all the time for you (maybe rubbing your bodies together while naked or something) - if so - you could try doing those things.

 

Your girlfriend is probably making you feel bad about it because it makes her feel insecure and because she's probably not experienced the same thing with other partners before and so may not realize it's not a rare thing - and not necessarily a big problem.

 

One thing you could try if you want to increase your chances of always getting it up is Cialis (the daily dose pill). It primes your system. You still have to get turned on and it's not a surefire guarantee by any means - but if you can get turned on by the interactions with her then Cialis should help you get/maintain the erection.

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I think it is pretty common. I am in my early forties, and sometimes I lose my erection during intercourse. When that happens, if my wife gives me a bit of oral, then I am back up at attention again. Does that happen even during bjs? If so, then you may need to see a specialist doctor for something like Cialis or viagra. Of course, by the way, if you masturbate multiple times before your dates, it will be more difficult for you to form and maintain an erection. That is of course definitely normal.

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Yeah I have the same problem sometimes especially with a new partner. Just try to relax. I think your issue is more mental than anything else. If you are really worried about it then you might want to see a doctor just to rule it out but I don't think there is anything physically wrong with you based on your post. It sounds like a fairly isolated issue so it's likely just a bit of performance anxiety. If she is drawing attention to it then that's not going to help - you might want to say something about that to her.

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Seeing a doctor to rule out physical would be a good idea, just for medical reasons and so you can get comfortable having a running dialogue with a doc about these sorts of issues too. You don't mention your age, but ED is common. More common as you get older too. But all types of things can contribute/cause it; sometimes it's more mental than physical.

 

I think your lady is being a wee bit insensitive and unrealistic here. It's not cool she is laying a guilt trip on you when it happens IMO. You may want to speak with her about it. I'm a woman, so I don't know all the ins and outs of being a man and dealing with this, but what immediately popped into my mind was that if she is turning you down lots but then expecting you to be on call immediately every single time she is up for it/in the mood; and there is the sense you know you are going to get a guilt trip if you don't meet her expectations, that can put a lot of pressure on a person to perform and could also be a bit of a turn off. Sure, we all have to deal with not always getting reciprocation every single time we are in the mood, but it can still feel like rejection and not feel that great if someone is turning us down sexually. And it doesn't feel great to get the impression that your partner is judging on performance - it's like another rejection. Does she allow you to initiate sex sometimes? I'm just thinking it could be inhibiting if you were feeling like you have to be on a guard and can't let go ...if you are starting to feel like every time you initiate there is a good chance of getting rejected. And good give n' take can relax everybody. To simply feel safe to be able to have whatever happens happen, and know that it won't be a big deal, that you can talk and work through it together without anyone taking it personally.

 

good luck.

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I second the doctor notion, just to be safe.

 

This too is an issue I have a bit of experience in. I made the same mistake you did, thinking that it'd be a good idea to masturbate before a date hoping I'd be able to last longer afterwards and I had the same results. Unfortunately, the next time I tried to have sex with that girl, I felt a lot of pressure to have an erection and be a "sex god" to prove myself after the previous failure. Like you, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. The truth is, you're just anxious. Each time you fail to get an erection, that anxiety compounds and gets worse for the next time. In my case, depression later became a factor, so if you do suffer from depression, that'll make it even more difficult.

 

It helps to try to stay relaxed and calm. Take things slowly and naturally with foreplay. Don't think about the sex too much, just let things progress slowly and when AND IF you feel "ready" to give things a go, then give it a shot. If you don't feel yourself "getting ready", there's nothing wrong with just keeping things at a "base hit" rather than a home run. Just wait until next time. The benefit to this approach is you don't feel like you "failed" you just feel like "that's as far as it went that time".

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I am 46, a few months ago I talked to the Dr because there are all the low T commercials on and asked if I should be concerned. He did he low T test and said I was fine. Anyway, he gave me a free 30 day trial of Cialis. LOL that stuff is AWESOME. One thought of sex or anything about it and I was a flag pole. Just walking down the hall at work, it would just go up for no reason but not totally hard. When doing "IT" and after you come, it doesn't go down, it stayed as hard as it can get.

 

Bad thing, the pharmacy I went to would have charged me 180.00 for a month supply if I got it again. You can get 1 free month a year. I highly suggest it. Make sure you have a GF when you get it. Its crazy stuff.

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