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I caught my girlfriend telling her friend she is flirting with another guy.


SadandUndecide

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A week back or so, when exams started, I told my girlfriend I wasn't going to text her much for ONE week so I could focus on my exams. She was pretty distressed but agreed. A little after this she told me that one of her friends (who's popular and attractive and in her grade) started texting her. I asked if I should be worried, she said no.

 

Flash forward to yesterday. For a short period of time I had access to her phone and decided to be a bag and go through her messages with her best friend. I went back 5 days (2 days after I'd told her I wasn't going to text much) and saw a long block of text. In this block of text, she basically told her bestfriend about how the guy was talking to her, about how they were flirting, and that if they kept talking she might lose feelings for me.

 

I confronted her. She apologized and cried and it was all authentic. She claimed that the flirting was just like five or so texts over the course of a week, and that she was just lonely and actually would never have feelings for the other guy. I broke up with her. We're still texting though. What do you think I should do?

 

tl;dr Caught girlfriend flirting with a guy who she had assured me was a platonic friend.

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she told me that one of her friends (who's popular and attractive and in her grade) started texting her

 

^^^ this makes me feel like she is still pretty immature..she did this for a few reason and all reason are not good...either to get you jealous or she likes the attention or both..like i said nothing good is to come out of a statement like that...

 

 

its up to you but i wouldnt waste if she is still in contact with these guy...

 

 

but what is going to happen the next time she gets lonely and your not there to comfort her...

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Seems both of you need to work on developing better boundaries. You need to develop a stronger sense of security and not take advantage of trust to invade privacy - and she needs to not build her self esteem when she's feeling abandoned by flirting and potentially leading another guy on.

 

There's no "right" here, you both screwed the pooch, but IMO, you more. It may never have gone beyond a few harmless flirty texts, but you've probably destroyed her trust. And if you'd found nothing, and she'd discovered your snooping - you would still have destroyed the relationship.

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It always makes me mad when I hear people finding excuses to not to call someone or text someone for a week or whatever because of different reasons. Come on, we live in such times that we have access to our phones/ internet 24/7 and when someone finds excuses to not to keep in touch it is really fishy.

She might have thought that you are just not interested in talking to her so she would have to find a back up guy just in case you wanted to break up with her or were losing interest. Situations like that trigger other things and if the guy was showing interest that was a good chance to flirt with him.

On the other hand if she really was into you she would not flirt with anybody else cos she would not want another guy. People in love are crazy about that one guy and don't need attention from somewhere else .

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For a short period of time I had access to her phone and decided to be a bag and go through her messages with her best friend.

 

You weren't doing it purely out of boredom - get real.

 

In any event "I was going through my sister's diary purely out of boredom" doesn't make that invasion of privacy any better either.

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Well, the thing is guys is that she knew I had her phone. I was going through her phone, not out of the hopes of finding something, but purely out of boredom. And she knows that.

 

I was once with a guy who was going through my phone. Phones are personal things and I think nobody should touch them. I really don't like even when my best friend goes through my phone. All my friends think exactly the same , my co-workers as well as we just had a conversation about people touching other peoples phones not long time ago. It is not your business what messages she has in there but she clearly can't be trusted when she said that other guy started texting her. Making others jealous is really immature

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Look, I think you can forgive her for this - but only if you can actually forgive her. If you are going to hold it against her for years or forever and constantly bring it up or make her pay for it in one way or another - then stay broken up, cut off contact and move on.

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You are right. The fact is I did invade her privacy. Not denying that. But for all those saying she doesn't trust me anymore, well that's simply not true because she knew I was going through her phone. Yes I'm an . I know.

 

its called getting a reaction ....she knew what you would see ..it proves how much you care after the week of not much contact ..

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I don't think she meant for you to see it either. Rather, I think she was acting out a bit because she felt hurt and insecure with you not texting her for a week. It's certainly immature of her - but - young people (hey, all people) can do immature things sometimes. Perhaps she has learned from it.

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You are right. The fact is I did invade her privacy. Not denying that. But for all those saying she doesn't trust me anymore, well that's simply not true because she knew I was going through her phone. Yes I'm an . I know.

 

Granted she may not trust you any less for going through her phone. But you need to realize that invading someone's privacy like that can be grounds for girls ending future relationships with you.

 

You should stop talking to her if you don't plan to reconcile.

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That girl is not to be trusted, she seems like she can be easily persuaded and manipulated. If her motivator for doing this is because of insecurity or anxiety - it doesnt matter, because she can betray you because she lacks the empathy for you (because she acknowledged that she does see herself pushing you away and cheating). It doesnt make it cute because she was hurt... who cares.. she had intentions and she allowed herself to talk to a guy that she is attracted to to plant the seed in the first place.

 

As for you looking through her phone... shrugs, i have nothing to say to that besides you found what you wanted to find.

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You didn't "catch" your girlfriend doing anything other than ranting to a friend, probably based on the fact you said you were cutting her off for a week (or cutting down, whatever you call it). However, she told you about the guy for a reason - it may have been to make you jealous, and want to take back your cutting down or she may have had this feeling deep down that she should tell you about it so you could step up and contact her more.

I definitely don't condone going through peoples privacy so don't get me wrong when I ask this, but why didn't you go straight to the flirty texts from the guy in question rather than the texts to the friend? And to go so far back as well, after 5 days of harmless girl to girl chatting and gossiping you made your way all the way back to that specific time, it does sound like you were looking for something specific - and then you found it.

 

Where you looking for a reason to leave this girl in the first place?

 

Saying that, whether what your ex said to her best friend is true or not, if it only takes an important week of you studying and completing your exams for her to get lonely and get attention somewhere else then maybe she is not ready for a relationship either.

If you don't want to be with her then cut off the texting, if you do want to forgive and forget - then make sure you have forgiven before you start this relationship again, and let it be forgotten during the time you are with her.

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