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Hi I am new to this site and would like help with an issue. I am a 53 year old woman dating a 50 year old man. We have been together 7 years. I truly love this man but I feel he makes it totally impossible to have a relationship. I am not perfect but have always been there for him and literally whatever he needs I am there for him. I don't cheat and I work two jobs, own my house and have two great kids.....Problem...

my boyfriend owns two businesses..constantly working....his secretary worked for him four years ago and they had a dating relationship..she was very inappropriate at work and would sometimes work from home, call him over because she was having a problem with payroll and lo and behold there would be a hot meal just waiting for him on the table,,,etc..One thing let to another and yes he cheated on me with her....she left and worked elsewhere for two years;...we got back together right after she left...we have been doing pretty well until he hired her back two years ago....she is now in committed relationship and they are just friends....he said it would be strickly business if he hired her back. He seems to feel she is the only one that can run his office...I feel her behavior is inappropriate once again. He owns a construction business and he is constantly at her house during the day fixing things. I found out she is bringing him and only him (not his partner in the business) homemade meals, pies into work. Texting him that the shirts he likes are on sale at Kohls. Yes I looked at his text messages and I couldn't believe the things she was saying. The other night he was working late at the office and she was there alone with him. My problem is he says it is my problem. He is not having sex with her and so there is nothing wrong with what goes on. I believe that she is still emotionally attached to him and can't let go. I am presently not seeing him because I can't deal with this again. I guess I just need someone to tell me what they think. I am not stupid and know that this is inappropriate but would just like some comments. I am deeply hurt and I just can't believe he thinks it is me...

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ummmmm...well....i had an affair, and i did the things she did...like cooking and bringing him food! If she is in a committed relationship, she should be bringing HER BOYFRIEND the pies...and not your long term bf. 7 years is a LONG time not to be in a serious, committed relationship.....and at the stage in your life (i was at that age too...and now long past...lol) i 'd want a 'ring' on it!

 

I know ultimatums are not considered the right way to go about things...but i would have to say...CHOOSE HER OR ME....you can't have both. If he cared about YOUR feelings...he would choose you. If he cares about this other woman (surely there are other's who can run an office ) he will chose her....and case closed.

 

You have 7 years of your prime wasted on this cheating man....and probably is again. I would look for greener pastures before the milk dries up for good!!! (if you get my drift.....don't mean to be hurtful!)

 

Been there....done that....

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A lot of people who are cheating emotionally justify it by saying it's not a physical/sexual relationship.

 

Cheating is taking something you should be giving your partner and prioritizing and giving it to someone else - emotional OR sexual.

 

Seems this lady is still courting or having an emotional affair with him, and he's not drawing appropriate boundaries. A female FRIEND in a committed relationship shouldn't be showering this much attention on another guy on a daily basis - especially her BOSS.

 

He can't have his cake and eat it - sexually OR emotionally. It's decision time.

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You did right. He's still emotionally tied to her---otherwise, he would have just left her alone with her new boyfriend.

 

Although it hurts to let go, you need to. He's putting another woman before you and if you're not cool with that, then leave him be.

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I would skip the ultimatum and leave this guy. He has no respect for you and doesn't value your relationship enough to protect it. Ultimatum's aren't going to change that, if you ask me. Decisions like that (i.e., being monogamous) have to come from inside - not from threats that other people make.

 

This one isn't worth it - no matter how nice he is or how much fun you have with him - or how much time you've invested so far - he doesn't respect and value you enough. You certainly deserve better. Leave them to it.

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