Is it weird that bf spends a lot of time with little cousin?

[misspearl]

The man I have been seeing for the past 8 months (who is 35 yrs old) spends a lot of time with his little 15 year old cousin. I am not suggesting anything untoward here, but I am beginning to find their frequency of contact a little odd. I am not close to any of my relatives, particularly not younger ones.

I guess I would be interesting to hear an objective view.

 

They Whatsapp a lot, send each other jokes. He told me they are spending another Saturday together (last Saturday they hung out for a couple of hours in the day too). He is meeting me for dinner in the evening.

 

Initially I found it sweet and endearing. A part of me still does! Last Summer he invited me out to join them both when he took her out to dinner, and he was really happy and thrilled at how we all got along.

 

I don't know, maybe he's broody due to his age and not having kids.

 

What do you think? Weird or not weird?

[savignon]

How does he explain their connection....is he close to his other cousins? Does he think of her as a little sister? Does he act like a role model to her or more like a buddy?

Definitely something that would cause me to ask more questions (to learn more...not necessarily b/c its a bad thing). I mean, if he has the sense of humor of a 15 year old and prefers that kind of banter/jokes, that would be a red flag for me...but if he's like a big brother or someone who's filling the void of an absentee father or something...that would feel different (for me).

[misspearl]

Hey, yes, I agree with you, I guess it's the fact that i am not able to identify whether he treats her like a buddy or is more fatherly and acts as a role model.

 

When i was out with them, he was being a bit of both i think. She is quite sharp for her age, they quite a bit of banter.

 

I think the thing that bothers me is the amount of WhatsApping.

 

I think what made me curious here is recalling when i was 14/15 and my parents always being uncomfortable with leaving me to go out with older male relatives and questioning why they would want to hang out with me and my sister if ever take us on a day out.

 

There's no way to ask without it sounding insulting!

[CeeLambrini]

I think at 15 it is very hard to find an adult to confide in, especially if she is going through issues that she would consider out of an adults league to discuss it with.

She may have clung to this relationship harder than what is normal due to the fact there is no one else she feels she can spend time with.

 

You could insist that you spend the day with them as well so she can get to know you, too. I never had this relationship with my cousin, it was a similar age gap and we would joke around and have similar banter but only when we went round to visit the family, and whenever I was in the area I'd pop round to say hello. I remember his wife asking him "Why is she here?" in an annoyed tone in another room so I stopped going after that.

[misspearl]

Hi CeeLambrini -- thank you for that perspective. It helps a lot.

 

He did mention after the one occasion we all met together that she's usually shy and reserved with new people and he's glad i was able to get her to be herself. That indicated to me that he does want to be a positive adult in her life to feel comfortable to talk to.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine as long as there are no sleep overs where they share the same bed or similar. I don't think you should insist on being involved -you're relatively new in his life and the last thing you need is for her to get attached to you. It also sounds like he reserves date nights for you so that's good too.

[mhowe]

My bf spends a lot of time with his goddaughter.... goes to her sports games, etc...will pick her up from school if her mom isn't available. I have always found it very generous of him. She is the youngest of three...and her dad and siblings who are out of college seem to "forget" about her. I am very glad she has him....and I don't go with him. It is "their" time.