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25 Days Post BU + NC -- Feeling more Angry, Hurt & Jealous (And better too)


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So soon it's gonna be almost a month since the break up & the NC that started right after. I even blocked my ex on Fb (but I've periodically unblocked him to check what he's doing). So how has it been so far? Downnw, downnnn then it started to look up. The past week was mostly positive. I felt more free, life felt full of potential and I thought things were improving. But then day before yesterday I started to get angry thoughts towards my Ex.

 

Just how could he have said he loved me so much just 6 months ago & said things like "I see you more than just a boyfriend, you're way more than that"!

 

How could he have been making plans about the future with me just weeks before we broke up?

 

How dare he try to act as the kind of "honesty" (a quality I loved about him) to only then say, "My feelings never came back after the first breakup"...well then why the hell did you wanna get back together huh?

 

Just how can something so perfect have gone so wrong. It's so hard to find a decent guy full stop...but it's so much harder when you're gay...and I've lost a good one . And he's in another town probably having fun.

 

Recently I found that he went to an event where he met a guy who he had a 1 week rebound relationship with the last time we were broken up (we broke up last October..but got back together in November). Now he'd broken contact with this guy when we got back together in November. Now clearly they're meeting at events again. It just made me so furious...I feel so played.

 

I feel like calling him and saying, "Screw NC just until the end of Feb...I don't want to see or hear from you EVER again"

 

But every time I think about doing that I just feel like crying as he still wants to be good friends with me. After being so intimate and having such a truly amicable relationship (hardly any fights) how can let go of someone who is so compatible with me in so many ways?

 

Do I just need more time?

 

I fear if I let him stay as a friend it'll only be with the slight possibility of future reconciliation (which he said may happen further in the future...who knows). But he may have just been throwing me a bone

 

Anyway it's not all bad. Like I said I was feeling pretty good for a week up to 3 days ago. Then my anger towards him & now this intense jealousy towards this other guy is making me feel so bad.

 

What should I do guys? Blocking on FB isn't working as I just unblock him . I can't delete Facebook as I get important university classes information on it.

 

I just wanna stop feeling angry...

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It's okay, you're just going through the emotions, by the end of February you'll probably be going through a different emotion, too. You want to get to a stage where the only emotion you feel is "Well, he was a good guy, hope he's having a good life wherever he is now"

When you can honestly feel that nonchalant, passive kind of feeling about him, I'd say then you could think about being friends. I don't think you should pick a date before hand because you don't know how you're going to feel then.

Blocking on FB does work. But unless you get some kind of willpower behind it then the only thing that is going to work is by nailing your hands to a wall for a month. You need to catch yourself doing it, distract yourself with something else. See how long you can go without checking it and each day you don't, cross it off on the calendar. You'll soon see it as more of a challenge that you can beat.

The anger will go away, it is just another stage. I call finding out about a new guy/girl the "relapse". Where you feel like you've moved on, until you find out they're with somebody else and you just get thrown all the way back to the beginning again. But don't worry, it's better to get that over and done with sooner rather than later.

Keep going, 1 month of NC is great, but it's the checking his facebook that is dragging you back

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You will manage to keep yourself from unblocking him when you get burned a few times. Soon you will realize no good is to come from checking his FB. Remember FB is also just one side of their lives, no-one goes around fb posting all bad stuff that happened or if they had a fight or whatever.

 

The calendar is a good idea. Set yourself up for a NC challenge.

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Why have you agreed to NC only until the end of February?

 

Why are you allowing him to keep you on the back burner while he's out there being single and seeing other guys? You're not helping yourself with this arrangement -- you're keeping yourself in limbo emotionally, while helping him to miss you LESS.

 

Don't agree to be friends with someone you've just broken up with. True friendship will be impossible for a long, long time. Pretending to be friends is really just his way of keeping you around as a Plan B.... and you deserve MUCH better than that!

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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Thanks guys. The calendar definitely does sound like a good idea, I'll try that one out!

 

@Sharky

 

Yeah I think I might just feel like I'm "option B" if I stay friends! I guess at the moment I think I'll never find anyone like him again so being option b is almost acceptable

On some level I know him wanting to stay friends is genuine but I need to protect myself.

 

I'm just finding it so damn hard to accept that I actually don't even want to be friends with him for a while right now...he was such an integral part of my life and I'm wanting him to be...nothing. In my heart it feels wrong, but in my head it feels right.

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