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Does it really get better?


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Ok. I posted on here a couple of days ago. But anyways, I've decided to go with the no contact rule with my ex. As stated before, I did so much for him. We've been through so much and he finally said in plan words that he didn't want to be with me anymore. That he wanted to let go. That he didn't want a relationship and that he didn't love me in the way that I loved him. It hurt. It definitely hurt. I found myself gasping for air on the ground, sobbing like a baby, wondering and asking why this was happening to me after everything I'd done for him. Now of course, I'm young and statistically speaking....I'll definitely find someone else but....right now. It feels so crazy. I'll admit. I am doing better than I was a couple of days ago but I feel like I'm thinking about him at all times. Even when I'm out with my friends doing something he's still there in the back of my mind. And I've never had this feeling before but I just feel like regardless...we're gonna get together again. I feel like we're meant but I don't want to get my hopes up. I was so angry. So hurt that he could just throw me away after all the forgiving and everything I sacrificed for him. It was almost like I'd rather talk to him everyday and argue than to not talk to him at all. I wanted him to be apart of my life so badly but he kind of has someone else and it's killing me. I'm about 3-4 days clean without looking at either of their pages and talking to him but sometimes this almost unbearable urge to check and see what's going on feels like it's eating me alive. I find myself thinking about him often just wondering if he's thinking about me at all. I haven't cried since I stopped talking to him so I guess that's good....but I don't know. So much of me wants us to work out. So much of me wants him just to call or text or email me to see how I'm doing. It just seems surreal how one person can be so inlove with the other, and the other person not feel that way. I want to move on...more than anything. I just wanna return to being my happy self. But at the same time, I feel like I'm doing this no contact thing in order for him to miss me and I know that's not right. Everything's just so difficult for me....I'm only 18 and a freshman in college and everything thinks I'm stupid for feeling this way but my feelings are definitely deep and just as real as a full grown woman I believe. I just wanna be able to enjoy college and live my life without thinking about him all the time.....It's just so hard......

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You are a full grown woman lol.

 

 

I have been in a break up, more times than I'd like to remember, but one thing I do know is that it does get better. It really does. Regardless of everything that we want now, the conclusion will always be that it does get better. Whether that getting better means getting back together, or realising that you can be happy without him.

 

I understand the whole staying away from their pages. I sure know I'm trying to stay away from doing it. It's like a drug. I say to myself, I will start tomorrow and it goes well and then I just think, what harm could it do just having a little look. Sometimes there's no harm if we see what we like and sometimes there's a lot of harm.

 

You're right, we will find someone else.

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This song gets me through a lot...

 

Face Up - Lights

 

It's late and I am tired, wish I could spark a smile

The place is flying high but right now I want to be low

Don't want to move an inch, let alone a million miles

And I don't want to go but I know I gotta go

 

I just want to feel alive

 

The times you don't want to wake up

'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up

The sun is always going to rise up

You need to get up, gotta keep your head up

Look at the people all around you

The way you feel is something everybody goes through

Dark out, but you still gotta light up

You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up

 

Seems like the more you grow, the more time you spend alone

Before you know it you end up perfectly on your own

City's shining bright, but you don't see the light

How come you concentrate on things that don't make you feel right

 

I just want to feel alright

 

The times you don't want to wake up

'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up

The sun is always going to rise up

You need to get up, gotta keep your head up

Look at the people all around you

The way you feel is something everybody goes through

Dark out, but you still gotta light up

You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up

 

I'm looking for more than a little bit

I'm gonna have to find my way through it

Gonna leave a mark, I'm gonna set a spark

I'm coming up off the ground

I won't be looking down

 

I know something as simple as a song doesnt help everyone, but it helps me, to let me know that it DOES get better.

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