I'm way too clingy of a boyfriend/husband, with a twist....

[Syndicate2130]

Hey all, first I want to thank you all for the help and advice before I get to my wall of text....Firstly I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 21 and comes from a very rough life wherein she had been abused somewhat sexually by her mother at a very young age. I believe it led her into a spiral of short relationships with boyfriends that never really lasted that long and affected her emotionally to the point where she somewhat gets bored of guys easily.

Anyways, so my wife/girlfriend and I (I use both terms because I'm not sure where we stand right now) have been together exactly 8 months. For the first 3-4 months of our relationship everything was great, we were all over each other for the most part give or take a few spats over random nonsense. We even decided to get married (no ceremony or anything, we were planning on doing that in about a year) we were just so in love that we wanted to be bound, rings and all. That was probably mistake number one but I digress and I will leave it up to you guys and your takes on my situation. We both were jobless for a short time and ended up getting into the same temporary job and worked literally right next to each other, an 8-5 job 5 days a week for 3 months. (probably mistake number two) Then we would go home together (her place) and just play games or do whatever. We literally saw each other all day everyday except for weekends when I would stay at my dads place so she could have space. I'm not sure if it was around the time she said I love you, or when we got married, I seemingly lost sight of myself and became completely and utterly addicted to her attention I always wanted to cuddle her, to text her, to make love, and for her to text me back 30 seconds later like she used to in the beginning (regardless of what she was doing). I longed to get those times back that I feel like I got stuck in the honeymoon phase and she moved out of it. Now I'm pushing her away because I keep craving a reaction that I'm just not receiving back, she rarely cuddles me first, rarely begs for a kiss first, rarely responds to my corny messages that would once make her go crazy with lovey heart emotes and twitter posts about me, the thing is, she might do these things BACK (except she never writes cute things to me anymore) after I've initiated but she NEVER is the one to go for it first like she once did. Or extremely rarely receiving. ALL I WANT IS FOR HER TO INITIATE SOMETHING FIRST LIKE SHE USED TO OR GET PUPPY DOG WHEN SHE THOUGH I WASN'T GIVING HER ENOUGH. It got to the point where this week she told me she was leaving me, I had to beg and plead for her to give me a chance to make myself right and not be so clingy and annoying. I've read so many articles giving advice on how to stop being clingy and I've tried but due to her past I feel like it causes a different reaction. I've tried to purposely stop texting her mid conversation it's like it doesn't phase her unless I haven't answered for hours and hours when she used to be phased by no answer for mere minutes of me not replying. The thing is she gets scarily nasty to me and tries to punish me back it seems when I try to ignore her. Or when I hang out with a friend she will tell me things like "You're hanging out with people you haven't talked to in months" and again get nasty and try to punish me back by either not answering or saying "This isn't working" or "I'm done talking to you, goodnight!" should I ignore those nasty remarks? Is it just her version of feeling the pain I constantly feel when I try to give and get attention from her and not receive it? It's a ty feeling that pains me in my chest and the pit of my stomach. I just love her with all my heart that not being able to express it when I want to and receive it back kills me. It just seems like EVERYTHING else is more important than I am, her video games, her little hobbies, etc. like when she's taking a break from a video game, instead of coming and cuddling or kissing me for 5 minutes she will watch an irrelevant video on YouTube that has nothing to do with anything. Or play a meaningless phone game. I don't know...it just seems like I'm on the back burner. My big question is:

 

How do I salvage the relationship, and repair her interest in me to the point she's not taking my affection for granted anymore whilst not losing her to me becoming less clingy by pissing her off with (less texting, hanging with friends, engaging my hobbies, everything I dropped to devote more time to her in the beginning) whilst ALSO being able to deal with the pain in my body of forcing myself not to express my affection physically and mentally? How do I force myself to NOT do a clingy thing when my body is urging me too due to insecurity? I need to express my love but I'm have such hard times waiting. How do I stop being the giver when it hurts so much to stop giving?

 

I haven't slept in like two days so this paragraph is probably structured incredibly poorly and I apologize!

Thank you so much!

[happyfrank]

You have to force yourself from being very clingy and expect things in return. insecurities is and always very unattractive. You always have to keep your partner on her toes. Be romantic, start small like getting her flowers and candy. Small token of gifts every so often. Hand written letters. Plan fun activities together. Just hit the road or go watch movies. Bottom line is never stop being romantic. Good luck.

[Realitynut]

Hey, she's 21. This is one of your first relationships.....ONE of many before you find a mature woman...and you have found yourself. Believe me (I know from experience...I'm old) My first serious bf (18) i went with for 3 years and was engaged. Was engaged a couple of time after that. Didn't actually get married until i was 32!!

 

What i found is, that the initial attraction lasts about 3 months, on the average before you notice the changes. As you notice the other person pulling back, not being as fun or affectionate as before, we start trying to pull them closer! They are already 'on their way out'...so you trying to keep them closer feels like suffocation to them. Now i have to let you know...most dumped me.....lol The few i dumped i couldn't WAIT to get out of the relationship!!

 

Anyway, this is going nowhere in my books....and it is textbook, NORMAL relationship issues. You both are young and your wants will change over the course of the years. You not having jobs, insecurities, working then side by side, day in and day out. Her needing her 'space' on the weekends, none of that sounds good to me. If you truly WERE married, i can't imagine a HUSBAND having to leave his wife alone and him stay with his dad to give his WIFE her space! So no, you guys are just playing house, and she is getting tired of it. She is pulling away, cuz that is what happens.

 

I found that relationships (for me) tended to end after 3 months (infatuation phase) and then 1 year. (sh*t or get off the pot syndrome....lol)

 

All you can do is give her space, and when she keeps saying, "I want to break up or I'm leaving"....believe her. And say OK. And then start the healing and growing process that all of us on here have gone through!